Post # 16
This kind of feeling is why I left social media. It just made me feel so much worse and I don’t miss it at all.
I also dread the holidays as some people in my family make it wretched every year. It’s awful. Consequently I sometimes don’t go. One year I spent it home alone because even that was preferable. Another I went on holiday (also alone, and had an incredible time). Another year I spent with other people who would otherwise have been alone for the holidays (friends whose families are abroad etc). It was arranged by a friend who basically adopted all the waifs and strays. It was really great! More of us were in the same boat than we realised.
Post # 17
I volunteer at an animal shelter and it’s the most rewarding thing. Animals are so good for depression
Post # 19
PTSD is tough. I don’t know your entire story but some of it sounds a little similar to mine, although yours sounds even worse than what I went through. The only thing that eventually healed my PTSD was time, years of time, and my faith in God. If you are a person of faith, pray and trust that you will heal. This may sound trite and I don’t mean it to, but let go and let God.
Is there any reason you cannot get a dog? That’s a wonderful idea, you said you wish you had a dog. Why not get one?
Keep in mind the holidays can be difficult for many people. There’s no need to feel jealous, you are not the only person suffering at this time. Count your blessings, even if you can only count one thing. Hold onto the one good thing. You’re breathing, lol, right?
Can you see? Can you hear? Can you walk? I know a disabled young man, “J”, who is deaf, legally blind, walks with crutches due to having been born to a drug addicted mother (who died at his birth) and suffered severe birth defects. He is one of the most joyful people I know. He is kind and good and thankful to God every day of his life that he survived his horribly abusive childhood and went on to college and even obtained his master’s degree, after years of hard work. He is my inspiration every day, he is like another son to me (and is, in fact, my own son’s best friend). I always remember if “J” can get up and make it through the day, then so can I, with all of my advantages.
Hatred and self-pity will eat you alive, be careful, don’t give your power away like that or HE (the evil person who hurt you) wins. When you heal your PTSD you will be the winner instead. It does take time, don’t beat yourself up that you take one step forward and two steps back. Just keep walking.
My heart goes out to you.
Post # 20
Would talking on the bee help? We make a post and everyone could just chat about random things, doesn’t have to be anything in particular or we could pick something you’re interested in.
Post # 21
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Bee im so sorry you have to go through this. PTSD is a bitch. You are not alone. Holidays can be the worse when having it to. From what it sounds like, you really can’t do much because your always watching your back and wondering if he (your ex) is around. I am not sure if that is the case. Maybe put some holiday music on to try to get in the sprit. Can you maybe set up a tree a little yearlier? I know it’s easier said than done. I hope it helps a little bit.
Post # 22
If you wish you had a dog, get one! Shelters are filled with beautiful adoptable dogs. An older dog is less work than a puppy, and they are so happy to have a forever home. You need to do something different to shock the system. What you’re doing now is obviously not working.
I’m fostering some cats that were in a horrible living situation. We also have 3 rescue cats and a dog. Just petting them makes me feel better. I always say I love animals more than people. Taking care of a living thing that needs you is a great way to get out of your own head.
Post # 23
I’m sorry the holidays are such a rough time for you.
Perhaps you can figure out ways to take advantage of everyone else being busy with family? For example, when I first moved across the country I couldn’t afford to go home for Christmas nor did I really have anyone here the first few years, so I would take the opportunity to go snowboarding on Christmas Day when the hill was utterly devoid of other people. It was awesome!!
Is there some kind of activity you enjoy doing but usually involves crowds? Doing it on a holiday is an epic opportunity to get more you-time in doing what you love.
Post # 24
I’m sorry you are suffering from PTSD. I too suffer from trauma from childhood and past experiences. I believe in what Dr. Phil once said “time doesn’t heal all wounds. It’s what you do in that time that matters.”
I like the bees advice to volunteer, however can you see if you can just swing by on your own time to pet and love on them? I’m pretty sure they allow that. That way you don’t have to dedicate yourself to real responsibilities and be depended on…
A little over a month ago I witnessed a tramatic wreck. More than half the ppl in the vehicle had passed. I’ll be driving 2.5hrs this week to see one of the families for the holiday. It didn’t matter much to me that none of my family has truly reached out to me to spend time with my SO other and I. I’m happy to be apart of these families lives, and I hope I can bring them some type of comfort or peace of mind. I’m not dismissing your feelings, however consider do something that makes you feel wholesome inside.
Anyways I know it’s not a good feeling to live in fear. Do you have any friends? I really like someone’s suggestion to be apart of the weddingbee card community. If you want, we can be penpals. Just pm me:)
Post # 25
how does one get involved in the weddingbee christmas card exchange? 😯
Post # 26
peggy92 : Thank you!
I don’t feel sorry for myself. It could be worse, I mean I was born in a western country and never had to deal with war lords or religious extremism. That being said, pain is subjective as is fear so until I can actually put the cause of my trauma behind me, it will continue to fester.
Post # 27
I don’t know. Honestly, I just miss my fiance and only feel safe when he is here. I feel weird talking to people but that sounds like it would atleast get my mind off of everything.
That is exactly the case. I put him in jail so I imagine now he is out, he is pissed and since he lost everything with the conviction, he has nothing to loss. He dosen’t know where I am but because of his current situation I have no clue where he is either. It’s complicated and while I shouldn’t be embarrassed, the entire situation make me feel pretty freaking stupid.
Anyway thank you for your kind words and suggestions, We are moving across country in three weeks so I am in the annoying position of not being able to decorate since I am packing.
Post # 28
Oh I plan on it, I just can’t until we move . I actually have a prescription for a dog which I think is kind of funny. My doctor is pretty much demanding I get a therapy animal, so we plan on rescuing a dog when we get where we are going. I have some cats that we rescued but they are pretty aloof which as much as I love them they avoid me like the plaque when I have aniexty, I am sure I smell like fear or adrenaline or something.
Post # 29
I do not have any friends anymore. They all bailed after I sent my ex to jail two years ago. Which I don’t blame them, my life is messy and I am not exactly a ray of sunshine. I am pretty boring now. I went from being a idealist filmmaker with tons of projects and hobbies to a lump of extreme emotions. All I do not is study, watch TV, and cuddle my fiance. It drives me nuts because I used to hate TV and couldn’t stand sitting still but now I am just blah.
Anyways, if you wanna be pen pals, I am totally down for that. You never can have to many friends but I warn you, I am super lame which it comes to being entertaining.
Post # 30
I notice that quite frequently, even on this thread alone, you use very negative terms when describing yourself. Try to not do that.
You are not stupid, not boring; you are a worthwhile human being. You didn’t deserve to be hurt, ever. It took a lot of courage to do what you did, put your abuser in prison. I admire that. You’re brave, tell yourself that. You’re a survivor.