(Closed) Vent: I know I’m an ass for feeling this way but I can’t help it…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well, since you already know that it is silly to feel this way I will not bother going on about that. We all feel irrational things from time to time, so don’t worry. I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that as you get more and more used to the news you will not care as much. Once wedding time swings round, the baby will already be here so the month in the lead up to your wedding will still be about you and you will have a wonderful day.

ETA; Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds amazing!

Post # 4
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Plus side, sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is really cool!

Post # 5
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As I’ve said before our feelings are what they are. We can’t help the way we feel.

But, just like parents can love more than one child, people can be happy for you and your Future Sister-In-Law at the same time. There is enough love and enough happiness to go around.

Post # 6
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Is she one of your bridesmaids?

Post # 7
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

You are not an ass for feeling this way. Everyone is entitled to feel anyway they want. If you started acting like a big brat or banning talk of the baby completely, then yes you’d be acting like an ass.

Your wedding is a big deal to you. Theres no shame in that.

Post # 8
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I just just just posted this on another thread so I’m going to copy/paste for you:

I feel for you. We’ve been engaged for 2 years, and our wedding is 3 months away. FI’s brother and his wife just had their first baby (first grandchild in the family) in November, and it has been baby baby baby baby since then. It happened just when our wedding finally started to feel like a reality and the plans started solidly forming. His entire family is so ga-ga over the baby that we feel really pushed to the side. It’s been baby all day, every day, since he was born. I know it’s a wonderful thing, and I’m psyched to be an Auntie, but it’s really getting quite ridiculous. Now there’s been some falling out between us because we’re not having kids at our wedding, they want to bring him even though they’re both in the wedding party, FI’s parents want their grandson there, yadda yadda yadda. Everything about our wedding has turned into being about the baby. I feel like saying, when you’re dishing out the 50K for this wedding as my parents are, then you can make those decisions, but you’re not!!

Anyways, it’s a tough thing to deal with. I usually don’t have a problem sharing the spotlight but sometimes it’s way over the top.

I think it’s a really great thing though that your Future Mother-In-Law called to see how you felt about it. That’s a really big thing in my opinion. There hasn’t been mention of my wedding since November from his side of the family…  It really does suck, because you want to be happy but you can’t help feeling that your thunder is being stolen. You wonder how they could be so inconsiderate then you slap yourself and realize no one’s life will be put on hold or revolves are you and your wedding. It’s tough. I’ve just sidestepped and let the whole baby thing happen and haven’t said a world but it’s upsetting. I’m still sad over the whole thing, so I really hope that things work out better for you than they did for me 🙂

Post # 9
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you are feeling icky about the situation.  The important part is you recognize how your feelings are selfish, but it’s ok to still feel a little put off.

I am intrugued by your dreams.  I have nightmares that my Future Sister-In-Law will announce a pregnancy at my wedding.  In the dream I am very angry at her for not waiting until at least the next day to announce.  I am furious at her for taking the spotlight off of me and pointing it to herself!!!

Post # 10
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Be grateful that they didn’t conceive 6 weeks later. 😉

Sorry, I don’t have any helpful advice. You know it’s wrong, but that doesn’t change how you feel about it. And that’s okay! There have been many dumb things that I’ve been upset about, knowing full well that they are dumb things to waste my energy on! You can’t help how you feel.

Even though there is a new baby, I guarantee people will still be incredibly excited for your wedding! As you said yourself, you’ve been dating for a long time.. so I’m sure everyone is looking forward to it!!

Post # 11
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It’s ok you wanna come on here and vent but I think you are going have to let it go eventually. 

My Fiance have been together for 5 years. When we got engaged no one was getting married or had any plans for 2011. Then a couple months later everything changed. My brother is getting married in June, my best friend July and my sister is having a baby about a month before my wedding in November. But you know what? Everyone is happy for everyone else! People can be excited about more than one thing. Just because my mom is over the moon for both of my siblings doesn’t mean she is less happy for me. She can want to plan to be at the hospital for my sister but still call me excited about getting her MOB dress for the wedding. 

Try to be happy for your Future Sister-In-Law. People might be “baby, baby, baby” but that doesn’t mean they don’t care less about your wedding! 

Post # 12
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

In my opinion, feelings aren’t ever really “wrong” – they just are. So stop beating yourself up! That won’t help anything, and it’ll just make you feel bad. Ease up on yourself!

I don’t think you’re being an asshole, for the record. I understand where you’re coming from. As others have said, it sounds like you have a great future mother-in-law, on the plus side! Everything will work out. 🙂

Post # 13
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It’s normal to feel a little disappointed when someone or something happens to take away from a big moment in your life. But the good thing is that the baby will definitely be born a few weeks before your wedding. And you have people who are understanding of your feelings.

I’d try to keep things in perspective. This is a huge life event for you and I’m sure that your friends and family are very excited for you and eager to celebrate with you, but it isn’t the most important day of their lives either. They are also going to be happy for this new addition to the family, which is how it should be. Your wedding isn’t necessarily the priority in everyone else’s life. However you are entitled to your feelings, but I would try not to let them get you down. Try and put the most positive spin on it that you can!

I felt a little guilty that I’m expecting about 7 weeks before my sister’s wedding. But I’m doing what I can to be there for her and to plan with her, and our family is obviously excited for both of us and are not letting either event outshine the other. Thankfully my sister is also excited for us and realizes that we didn’t do this to take away from her wedding, but rather to build our family.

Post # 14
2820 posts
Sugar bee

One of my coworkers was in a similar situation.  She was an only child and her SIL had a baby a month or two before the wedding.  She was upset, knew it was silly but couldn’t help the way she felt.  She did good at venting it to the right people and keeping it in when it was the wrong time (like her husband was very excited about the baby).  When her wedding came I really dont’ think she noticed, the baby was too young to do much of anything except sleep, people congratulated the mom but there’s only so much attention you can give to a sleeping baby so it really didn’t take away any focus. 

And as for people being baby, baby baby, I’m pregnant now and while my mom is a bit obsessed about the idea of her first grandbaby, my husbands family and my sisters and dad will have several conversations with me without baby stuff coming up – maybe a how are you feeling but that’s it.

Post # 15
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I can understand why you are feeling this way. Are you close with your FI’s brother and wife?

My FI’s sister recently had a baby and although she is not my own sister, I really felt emotionally involved and very excited about the birth and this new life that would be a part of my family!

It might help to get excited about this new neice or nephew of yours and what a cool aunt you’ll be…although the wedding will be occupying a lot of your attention, I think it is possible for people to be excited about two different things with lots of attention- it doesn’t have to be one over the other so much.

And yes, your Future Mother-In-Law is awesome! consider yourself very lucky for that. the alternative can be quite a nightmare.

Post # 16
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You know I have a similar situation, my Future Sister-In-Law is preggo and due 3 weeks after our wedding.  It never occurred to me that she would be stealing my thunder.  At first they wanted us to plan our wedding around her due date and we kind of just disregarded those requests.  I hope she doesnt go into labor early or anything but whats most important to me is that she can come.  Are you close with your FSIL?

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