- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
This has been eating me up inside and I just have to get it out. I’m sure I’m going to get a bunch of replies telling me I’m selfish, that I only get one day and that I shouldn’t expect anyone to put their lives on hold just because we’re getting married so I’d like to start by saying that I KNOW! I know I’m a bad person for feeling this way but I can’t help it. I’ve tried to be happy but it’s just not happening.
The selfishness definitely comes from being an only child. Up until I was 12 years old, I was also the only grandchild and I’m still the only girl (my cousins are all boys). My whole life I’ve always been the center of attention and I’m not going to lie by saying that I didn’t love it.
Most of our friends and family are already married. Fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years so this wedding was a long time coming. I stood by the side of friends who got married after a matter of months of dating and just dreamt about when it would finally be my time. Seeing as how everyone was already married, I figured that our wedding would be the event of the year. Well, that was until my Future Sister-In-Law (FI’s brother’s wife) announced her pregnancy a few weeks ago. She’s due 6 weeks before our wedding. Kinda weird but in the weeks leading up to this announcement I had 3 nightmares that either my Future Sister-In-Law (2 dreams) or one of my bridesmaids (1 dream) were pregnant and gave birth on our wedding day. Needless to say I was a complete disaster when Fiance called me to tell me he was going to be an uncle.
I’m having a really hard time even being happy about the kid. I know I only get one day and all but even in the weeks leading up to the wedding, there should still be excitement from those closest to us. With this new kid, I’m sure his whole family is going to be all “baby, baby, baby” while I’m all “wedding, wedding, wedding”. FI’s step brothers already have kids but this will be the first biological grandchild for my Future Mother-In-Law.
For FI’s sake I’ve agreed to try to be civil about the whole thing and pretend to be happy but deep down I definitely feel some resentment. I don’t like feeling this way and I wish I could be happy for them but I just look at it as stealing my thunder, even if it is 6 weeks before. I would never expect anyone to put their lives on hold for my wedding but the timing of the whole thing is certainly not ideal. I never expected to have to share this time and now that I do, I’m not lovin’ it.
I am really thankful that I have an understanding Future Mother-In-Law. After she found out that we knew, she called me to see how I felt about the whole thing. I told her that I wasn’t thrilled and that the timing was not ideal and she agreed. While she needs to be neutral, it’s nice to know that she understands where I’m coming from. She even said “As far as I’m concerned, 2011 is your year”.
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for with this post. I just needed to get it off my chest. Please try to be gentle. I know I’m an asshole for feeing this way, you don’t need to remind me of it. Thanks for reading!