Post # 32
Oh man, it’s totally okay to feel like this. You just have to be careful of what you say and to whom. That being said, I think that you’re brave to post this. You feel how you feel. All you can control is how you react to how you feel.
I had a 6 week old baby at my adult’s only reception. When mom is breastfeeding, there isn’t much you can do. Baby cried a bit (probably because the music was loud) but was definitely not a destraction from “the wedding”. People were more surprised that she was there at all, given everything.
Honestly, I think that this is about your SIL and FBIL’s attitude. I think that it’s awesome your Future Mother-In-Law is being so understanding. As long as they are excited about their baby without being dismissive of your wedding, it will be fine.
@Phantom: I hear you about the friend thing. It’s difficult to be excited when you have some friends who are just joy-kills. I mean the whole “once you have child, you’ll understand that invitations are unimportant. Weddings are all about children and family” is pretty hard to listen to when you just want your wedding to be fun for people and somewhat important. It’s difficult when you’ve been there for them and now, because of where they are in life, they can’t be there for you.
Post # 33
@ArwenBride: Our wedding is at a resort so I assume my Future Sister-In-Law will have her parents come out that weekend and just stay at the resort with them the night of our wedding. She’s not going to breastfeed right there at the banquet table so I figure she could just go back and forth to the room whenever the kid needs to eat. We’re pretty adamant on no infants at our wedding.
Post # 34
@UpstateCait: “She’s not going to breastfeed right there at the banquet table..”
You’d be surprised, my dear!
I can totally see my bridesmaid attempting to do this.
Post # 35
Remember, although your family may still really celebrate the baby 6 weeks later, a lot of your friends may simply express a nice interest and then go back to celebrating YOU at your wedding. Your family makes up only one part of this equation, and there are a lot of other people out there who don’t really care about someone else’s baby. They’re your supporters too!
Post # 36
@MrsMaine: I should have emphasized the “NOT” in the statement, lol. This is her first child and she’s generally pretty modest so I don’t know if she would even be comfortable doing it in public anywhere but regardless, it will NOT be done at my wedding. I don’t have a problem with women breastfeeding in public but in the middle of my wedding reception is a completely different story. I don’t know how comfortable the rest of our guests are with this and I’m not going to subject them to it when she could just excuse herself and go back to the room.
Post # 37
Follow up to my vent:
I really think that getting all of my emotions out on the table (I vented to Fiance about it too) has helped me get over some of the resentment. Up until today, whenever anyone would mention the pregnancy, a wave of irritation would overcome me. Today we hung out with his brother and the topic of the baby came up a few times. I wasn’t annoyed at all. Infact, I found myself actually asking questions to prolong the conversation. This would have NEVER happened a few days ago.
I’m still not super pleased with the timing but I really think that I can learn to deal with it, as long as the babys not at our wedding. =)
Post # 38
its ok to feel that way!!!!!! we are females. we have irrational thoughts. it comes with owning a vagina.
Post # 39
@UpstateCait: These were my exact feelings towards my bf’s sister’s pregnancy coinciding with my engagement!!! I don’t think you’re a bad person. Bear with me, it’s gonna be long, but think of it like this:
You’re 14 and you’re gonna do a flute recital, you’re excited to play this great piece and you invite everyone you know and love! Then it turns out your sister (or friend, or anyone, really) is having a recital 6 weeks before you and is playing the same piece. You’re disappointed, right?? It’s a recital for goodness sake, not even a wedding, but you find yourself disappointed. Worried that no one will find your performance interesting or that your sister/friend/whatever played it better than you did. Naturally your sister/friend/whatever’s performance comes up at YOUR performance and you’re sad that you’re not the topic of discussion.
No matter how old you are, is it so crazy to be disappointed in that situation? I don’t think so. So apply the logic to a wedding and I totally don’t think it’s wrong or irrational that you are (were) upset.
You could think of it from the standpoint that your Future Sister-In-Law had planned this whole time to have her baby in 2011 and felt you were stealing HER thunder by putting your wedding there. But it doesn’t matter in the end, your feelings are valid and while I congratulate you for sorting them out, you shouldn’t ever think that you’re bad for having feelings!
Post # 40
I don’t know if this might make you feel better, but try to think of it a different way:
Say the tables were turned and you were the one pregnant, and a family memeber was getting married. You’ll get an adorable tummy and be extremely excited; but are you going to feel upset that someone is getting married the year you’re having a baby?
I don’t know what your answer is, but I wouldn’t be upset. Because I am having a baby, not a wedding which is a completely different thing.
I would be more upset if there was a family members wedding out of the blue six weeks before mine!
I hope I didn’t seem harsh, because although I understand your point of view, in my opinion I think you should keep in mind that it’s not about the “day” of the wedding: it’s about the amazing life you’ll spend together from that day forward as husband and wife.
Post # 41
@Mewcakes: We were engaged and had set a date long before they conceived. Infact, when she got pregnant they were NNTTC. It was just a if it happened, it happened kind of thing. Considering they weren’t even planning this and it happened long after all of our details were set, I don’t really think she has the right to feel that her thunder is being stolen.
@persianprincess: Sometimes owning a vagina is a real P.I.T.A.
Post # 42
@UpstateCait: I’m glad you’re starting to feel better about it. You definitely weren’t being an ass to be worried about it, I would have been kinda sad too.
Post # 43
It’s good that you’ve had a moment, vented, admitted it was selfish, let it go.
You’re entitled to be happy, so are they. Babies happen, it’s a happy occasion, weddings are happy too, now everyone can be happy.
Post # 44
You are not a horrible person for having these feelings. This is the greatest day of your life. I agree with the other bees who said that the hype for the baby will die down after a while. While that happens, the hype for your own wedding will go back up.
I’m going through a similar situation. The dates aren’t as close as yours but Future Sister-In-Law announced her pregnancy when we booked a lot of things like the hall, church, photogrpaher, etc. So it was kind of looked over. Future Sister-In-Law is all about attention and makes these events a huge deal (love her to death, shes just a little dramatic)
But I look at it this way. And I’m probably an awful person for thinking like this. She will have the spotlight now but after this there really isn’t a lot more to look forward to. I mean there is, but no more weddings or first time babies. You will have your turn down the road and you will have it all to yourself! God after reading that, I sound like a huge bitch! Haha. Oh well.
Hang in there! It will get better, I promise.
Post # 45
@UpstateCait: Excellent. That sounds like a great compromise. Points for having the reception at a resort. That definitely makes things easier for her and for you.
I understand where you are coming from about the breastfeeding. My friend said she would sit on the floor and breastfeed during my reception. I believe that I looked like a slack-jawed yokel after that comment (mostly because of the sitting on the floor bit). Reality was somewhat different, but I was totally put off by her comments. She ended up leaving super early because “the music was too loud for the baby” LOL
You’ve got the right attitude, dude. I’m glad you’re feeling better about the situation.
Post # 46
@UpstateCait: Ah. Well, I was hoping to help you feel better by pointing out that maybe she’s just as bummed as you. 😛 At the very least…you will look SMOKING HOT in your dress at your wedding and she’ll probably still have most of her baby weight…?