- 2 years ago
I am SO frustrated.
This year, for Thanksgiving, DH’s family has “priority” regarding which family to spend the holiday with. (We switch of holidays between families… or at least we attempt to.)
Early on, it was decided we would spend Thanksgiving Day with my ILs. A few weeks ago, however, Mother-In-Law contacted us saying that SIL’s family is actually going to be travelling on Thanksgiving Day and asked if we could do Thanksgiving the following weekend instead. We agreed to the change and then made plans with my family on Thanksgiving Day. Now, yesterday, SIL informs us they will not be at Thanksgiving on Saturday anymore because they have decided to take a trip to an indoor waterpark with their kids. But, they said, they can still celebrate on Thanksgiving Day with us.
I begrudgingly told Darling Husband that I would cancel on my family and he gave me a very firm NO. He does not think it’s fair to my family that we made plans with them to then cancel on them. (I agree.) He also doesn’t want to set a precident for allowing his sister and her family to change their mind and dictate the plans. (Agreed.) Plus, his mother is having a hard enough time understanding “why we wouldn’t want to spend time with family on holidays” and he wants her to get used to the idea that unfortunately, not everybody may be able to get together every year. (Agreed.)
So, Darling Husband told his mom and sister, no, we will not be able to be there on Thanksgiving Day since we already have plans with my family.
Cue the guilt trips.
Now, because Mother-In-Law is so upset about not everyone being together, she asked us all to provide some dates in December/January that we could get together ALL TOGETHER to celebrate Christmas. Christmas priority is with my family this year and we’ve already made plans to be there on Christmas Day. We provided two other weekends in December we would be available (including the weekend before and after Christmas) and two weekends in January. Mother-In-Law and SIL are upset we can’t be there on Christmas Day. (Sorry, but we very clearly explained how this holiday stuff was going to work.) We reminded them we could be there for Christmas Eve at least. Well, none of our dates apparently match up with dates SIL and her family will be available.
Now Mother-In-Law is giving us a guilt trip about “splitting the family up” and not working with everyone else’s schedules. 1.) We live 4 hours away, whereas everyone else is in the same town, so it’s a bit harder for us to plan. 2.) I am physically going to be out of the state the weekends in December and January that we cannot attend as I am traveling for work. (I have told Darling Husband he can go without me though.) 3.) Why are WE getting a guilt trip and not SIL’s family? Oh yea, because they have kids and the “grandkids are the most important family members to have at family holidays.” 4.) We warned BOTH families that now that we are married and will be sharing holidays between families, we may not always be able to be there the DAY OF the holiday, but we will likely make it the weekend before or after, but that some years, it just may not work out.
Holidays are becoming so stressful with my in-laws that Darling Husband has said he doesn’t even want to go anymore. I know family is important though and want him to remain close to his. At the same time, my goodness, I wish the holidays could be a happy time.