(Closed) Vent: Is this appalling RSVP rate normal?

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
7 posts
  • Wedding: April 2017

You’re for sure within your rights to inform those who didn’t bother to RSVP that there is no longer space for them as your caterer has to have a head count for place settings. Most of these people have social media- I’d say you have until xxx date to RSVP otherwise consider yourselves uninvited. With the online option included it’s incredibly lazy and disrespectful not to respond. 

Post # 3
194 posts
Blushing bee

It’s past the RSVP date? Well that’s rude and shows they don’t care as much. How long has it been? If it’s been a few days get in touch with those ppl asap and give them a new deadline (within a few days). If no response then maybe send them that blurb? If it’s been a week or two then bye felicia!

Must be frustrating! Certainly leaves a bad impression.

Post # 4
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
Beegritte:  I totally take these kinds of things personally too! I had no idea the RSVP phase would be so emotional for me. 

Post # 5
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Contact them by phone, email, voicemail, text- however he normally communicates with these people.

If you get to speak to them:

“Our rsvp date has passed and we have not heard from you. Unless we hear otherwise from you by tomorrow, we will have to consider you a no, and will miss you at the wedding.”

They will likely either tell you they are coming, or tell you they are sorry but they can’t make it and apologize all over the place with a phony excuse why they couldn’t respond earlier.

If you don’t get to speak with them, leave the same message and count them as a no if you donlt hear back by the next day.

Don’t waste time playing voicetag with them.

Post # 8
111 posts
Blushing bee

I have also found the RSVP process incredibly frustrating. Mine aren’t due until Monday, but there are people who I know are coming and haven’t even RSVP’d. Only about half of my guest list has responded. I’ve been told this is “typical” and my friend told me the other day that she always forgets to RSVP. I agree with you that it’s just rude.

I think trying to reach out one more time with a cutoff date is very fair. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel your pain. 

Post # 9
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

this is the one thing i hate and constantly hear about, my sister had the same problem with her wedding with barely anyone rsvp-ing. 

we are starting to have the same with ours and we have 2 months till our wedding day, only 5 people have RSVP so far, granted the majority of my half is family so im pretty positive they will all be there, but lots of our friends constantly tell us in person, “yeah we’ll be there” but never actually rsvp like the invitations and all say to do. 

personally i think its rude, i think once the actual invites are sent out as a guest you should decide if your going or not, granted crap happens and people cant make it, but id rather over shoot my final guest count then be under. plus with everything being online these days it should take all of a few seconds to do so. 

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  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Kslim13.
Post # 11
282 posts
Helper bee

I’m waiting for RSVPs as well. Its definitely not fun waiting on. I put an earlier due date so then I have a few days before the actual deadline to start calling/texting people. I understand people forget but it is irritating considering we are doing online RSVPs & probably 90% of the people invited are always on their phone & can’t take a minute to RSVP. 

So did you already give the final count to the caterer. If not, I think I would prefer to say something like, “we haven’t received your response. We are just wondering if you would be joining us” 

Post # 13
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you have to be friendly but firm.   Fiance wanted thses people, HE needs to get moving.   HE should be embarrassed.  What if he uses Graces’s line, and they still hem and haw.   HE needs to say, very sorry you cannot make it. We will miss you, but lets get together after the wedding.   

Post # 15
6552 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Well if your fi doesn’t see the need for an rsvp, how can you expect any different from his extended social circle? In some cultures and circles, weddings and other events are much more of an “open invitation” kind of thing. Don’t get your panties in such a bunch over it. It’s no reflection on you. It’s just people who do things a little differently to you. Just call them up and ask if they’re coming. It is really no big deal to make some phone calls. Automatically getting all hyper-negative on them will just create bad blood between you and your fi’s side of the family. 

PS you should probably resolve your hostility with your fi before you marry him. Saying you went against your judgment to include people that will “add no value to your experience” is pretty telling. Most folks would be happy to include some guests that they didn’t know, just because it was important to their partner but you seem to be quite resentful of it, and you’re taking it out on the guests. You should be figuring out what your problem is with your partner.

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