(Closed) Vent: Is this appalling RSVP rate normal?

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

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Beegritte:  In my family (and my native culture in general) the common protocol is people RSVP only when they are ‘yes’ to going, and don’t RSVP at all when they are declining. When my cousins were planning, no one who didn’t RSVP showed up so there never was an issue of finding a seat or meal for guests that suddenly showed up. But that may not be the case for everyone… If appropriate, you could give them a nudge to remind them, and then treat no response after that to be a ‘no’. 

Post # 17
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Are you sure that they actually received them? If they are extended family of your fiancé, who he may not be super close to, maybe you had the wrong addresses? Also, the usps isn’t always reliable!

I’m not saying this is what happened–but a couple days after the rsvp deadline for a friend’s wedding, she reached out to me to see why I hadn’t responded. Well, I didn’t receive the invite! Turns out a few days later, she received it as unsendable. It was the right address and everything. 

But, I do sense some thinly veiled contempt towards your fiancé and his family. I’d say resolve that whether or not they come. 

Post # 18
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

I can see your point bee. But a few days after I wonder if you’re feeling more irritated because these are people who you wouldn’t otherwise have invited so it feels like a burden. i know PP have said they’d accept a few people because it matters to Fiance but it sounds like your FIs side are treating the wedding as a family and friend reunion. 

The person you should be annoyed with is Fiance. HE needs to sort his side of the guest list out. 

Post # 22
Member
839 posts
Busy bee

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Beegritte:  Then surely that makes it his headache, not yours… When we were planning our wedding, we agreed that we would each chase up non-RSVPing people in our own social circles and then use a double pronged attack on those who were close to us both.

Post # 23
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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Beegritte:  Both FH and I have had to remind our parents (more so mine) that it’s a wedding, not a family reunion. My father even said that his family was more important than our friends! But, I haven’t seen most of those people in 10 to 15 years, so they’re not that important to me. 

Did your fiancé expect those family members to actually attend? We are sending out a lot of courtesy invites to those who can’t or won’t travel, just to avoid hurt feelings. We didn’t even expect any of them to actually respond, ugh. 

Good luck!

Post # 24
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Beegritte:  You need to call and follow up. I once thought I sent an RSVP and I totally didn’t – it was just sitting in a drawer. Have your Fiance call or email them. While they may not be important to you, your Fiance clearly invited them for a reason. Remember – this is not just YOUR wedding….there’s a groom and his family involved here too….

Post # 25
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

How long has it been since the RSVP date? We got A TON of response cards back in the days right after our deadline. We have had to chase a few people down to ask if they were coming. They all said yes and we asked them to send the card with their meal choice. That was a week ago and still nothing. I’m getting frustrated. Fiance is going to follow up on Monday. He said “if they don’t get back to us I’ll just order the chicken for them.” I said if they can’t be bothered to tell us what they want to eat do you really think they’re going to show up? I know you always get a few yes responses who end up not coming but I would like to keep that to a minimum!

Post # 26
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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Beegritte:  I do not know where your FIs family is from but maybe they do not realize the importance of the RSVP. Following up personally with them would be a great thing. 

I actually did not really see much of a big deal with the RSVPs until I started planning my own weddings and went on this website. RSVPs always seemed suggested since I figured I coule just let them know one way or the other verbally or through email. My family is the same way. For my brothers wedding my mom was a bit annoyed about how much they stressed about RSVPs and deadlines and pretty much told us that most likely only a few people would formally RSVP. I went in to my wedding knowing this and knowing my family and knowing Ill probably need to follow up with them through facebook/phone to see. I dont think my family is intentionally rude or anything. It just is the RSVPs are more suggested than they are manditory. 

Post # 30
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t get all my RSVPs on time either. It was seriously obnoxious and we DID have a very small, intimate wedding so it’s not like we didn’t know these people! In the end, I only had one out of town friend (and her family) decline. I even had to follow up with people I knew were coming (they figured I knew! Grrr. I still need to know what you want to eat!). I think sometimes people are just scattered and they aren’t thinking about things the way you are. It may not be a reflection of them not wanting to come.

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