- 2 years ago
- Wedding: August 2019
I’m sorry to use this board as a total vent about this situation – really, I am – but aside from Fiance, there’s literally no one I can talk to about this.
My sister is in a rough situation. More details here: https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-in-a-bad-relationship-looking-from-the-outside-in/ and here: https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fbil-shoved-his-infant-daughter-feeling-sick/
To top what’s in those posts, from observations I think he has a gambling problem as well – he’s at the pub drinking and punting (alone) every day during his rest-week when she’s at work. There are also chunks of money missing from their savings. But alas….she hasn’t acknowledged it, and it’s not my place to sit on my high horse and judge.
Anyway. A week ago I was hosting a party at a local bar for my work’s social club (I’m on the committee). It was sister’s first work event, and her partner flew back up north the day before. Anyway, as bloody expected she went hard early – drank way too much and started getting really handsy with some of our coworkers. Fiance was there too, and we both pulled her aside to be like “wft you kidding?”. She responded something along the lines of “partner and my relationship is pretty shit, he would understand”. At this point Fiance and I (who had both gotten a bit merry, but you know…work event and all), decided we needed to extract her from the situation right then and there. We got an Uber home and I put her in our spare bed. It was crap – I was having such a good night…and I planned the whole event too!!! Still a little bitter I won’t lie
The nezt morning I told sister what she said – in as nice, non-judgemental caring way as I could. She was gutted but surprisingly unsurprised. She said she felt sick about it, and it’s a real kick in the pants to fix their relationship (she had broken down to him the week before about how alone she felt raising their child when he barely acknowledged her – after than he started doing the bare minimum, like laying out her clothes and feeding her dinner. Still hasn’t changed a nappy though….at 18 months old). She said how much she loved him, and how she just wants everything to be fixed. She felt horribly guilty – as she should. A drunk tongue speaks a sober mind after all.
Anyway a couple of days later we were at work. She brought it all up again, about how average she’s feeling in the relationship. I flat out asked her: do you want to live this way forever? Is this what you want for the rest of your life? She said no – definitely not. I then asked her if she would say yes if he proposed. She said she would, but it would be for the wrong reasons (her younger sister getting married, family expectations, wanting to be a young bride (she’s 31) etc). I in no way judged her or him – it definitely isn’t my place – but just supported her.
I’m finding it so hard to be excited for her when she talks about having a second baby and the future she wants. I don’t know him well enough, and what I do know makes me physically sick. Urgh.
Why can’t I just let her be her you know!? If she wants to stay I should accept it but I can’t!! She’s gone so far as to lie to the family about how much he drinks. I bite my tongue so often. I’m OVER IT! I just want her to be HAPPY with someone who DESERVES her!!
Sorry. Rant over. I want this to be the last time I talk about it because I think it’s starting to poison the relationship I have with my sister – and I would hazard a guess to say any chance of closeness between her partner and myself is totally ruined.