Vent: It's getting worse

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

If you’re as close as my sister and I are – no, absolutely do not just suck it up and accept it. She’s not happy, clearly, even if she continues to stay. She stays because she thinks this is her last shot, plus she has kids. I understand that but, nah. Just because you’re supposed to support your sister doesn’t mean you should lie and pretend you support her stupid decisions. Sometimes love means tough love, and yeah she’ll be mad at first but in the end she’ll realize you’re right. Hopefully she realizes that before she marries this guy. 

Post # 3
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

View original reply
sbl99 :  Oh man that must not be easy.

My sister is currently in a bad relationship. Not THAT bad, but he doesn’t make her happy. After saying I’d support any decision she makes, I straight up told her that she should dump him and find someone she is happy with. He’s her first BF after more than 8 years of being single, she doesn’t want to be single again.

Anyway my point is tough love is still love. You can support her decision AND also speak your truth. Sometimes people need an outside perspective to really open their eyes. 

Post # 4
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i would tell her how i see it and tell her to dump the fool before it turns into divorce

Post # 5
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
sbl99 : Yikes!  I think some tough love is needed here.

I find tough love works best when you preface it with “I need to speak my mind because I love you however whatever decision you make afterwards I will support and will not bring this matter up again unless you would like to discuss it.”  Note – you have to mean this.  Your sister after all is an adult and entitled to make her own decisions.

Then tell her exactly what you think about her relationship.  Have notes ready so you don’t forget to mention anything.  Try and put the worst bits in the middle.  End up with some positives about your sister so you end it with a positive note. 

After that, you’ve done all you can.  It’s up to her to work it out. 

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