(Closed) Vent: mama drama (long – sorry!)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know she is making things very difficult, so why dont you just pick your battles and let this one slide. Are you opposed to sitting next to her during the shower? Because if not I would just sit next to her. She probably has a hard time seeing your dad with his new wife while she will be there sitting alone. 

Post # 5
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Is there any way that you have have multiple seats for you? So that during the event you sit in “your” seat at a different table at different times. That way your mother can still have her seating chart and you feel less like you are alienating people.

In terms of your mother being traditional in what she thinks you should have at your wedding (toss, dance etc), someone brought up the fact on another board a long time ago that this is a generation of mothers who will never really get to plan a wedding. Their own mothers planned the majority of their wedding and now their daughters are planning most of their own. Your mother may not have really been able to plan her own wedding and is trying to live through you.

The only way I can thinkof dealing with this is to have a proper heart to heart with your mum. Even write down a list of what it is you need to talk to her about. Tell her that you are feeling extra stress with trying to please her, plus wedding, plus masters and that you need her support. Even go so far as to say that her being so petty about your dad’s family just shows everyone that she isn’t confident and over the whole thing.

Good luck with everything and at the end of the day you will still be married to the man of your dreams. 🙂

Post # 7
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@PrincessBrideSuzy: what about involving your FI? 

My mom can be a real ogre (and not the shrek kind, either) about stuff but she puts on a totally different face around my Fiance (who, I might add, hates her.  The running joke…ok, not so much a joke… is that I’m the one standing between him and her. lol).

Maybe if you talked to your Fiance, told him how you feel and how she’s treating you, he’d be willing to be your back-up when you talk to your mom?  It is partly his wedding, also.  Also, he might be able to give you the courage to stand up to your mom and/or she might back down with your Fiance looking at her (especially if he’s wearing a “i’m gonna ram those words down your throat” look on his face 😉 ). 

Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through this!! 

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