- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014 - Traverse City
It sounds like your mother is jealous of you and all the attention you are getting. This is why she is being so rude and ridiculous. My heart goes out to you. All you can do is try to keep your mother uninvolved if that is truly what she wants.
I have a nasty mom too. To her credit, she has improved greatly since I eloped when I got married. Being cut out of her only daughter’s wedding was a wake up call for her. My mother was insulting and controlling when I was engaged. I grew weary of the tantrums in front of my husband, the way she tried to make my wedding all about her wishes and the insults. She refused to go wedding dress shopping with me or throw an engagement party. Her loss because now she is full of regret and not only for her nonsense when I was engaged…she was terrible to me growing up as well.
I noticed that you called your mother’s vow renewal a Pretty Princess Day. I hope that you did not say this to your mother because if you did, she may have been hurt by that comment and could be reacting based on her pain. I know that not everyone sees the point of vow renewals but they are meaningful for the couple. I am not accusing you of insulting your mother’s ceremony…just not sure if you used that terminology to her face.
I’ve never used that terminology (pretty princess day) in front of my mom… and I have nothing against vow renewals, I see them as two entirely different things. I’m even all about people eloping for an intimate ceremony and then having a large reception when they return. What does bother me is when people get legally married (unless it’s for military purposes, for example), then proceed to do the whole wedding, including the ceremony all over again. My mom doesn’t intend to treat this ceremony as a vow renewal, they are literally going through the motions of the full *marriage* ceremony again (getting an officiant, “I pronounce you as husband and wife”) even though they are already married. I wouldn’t have as much of an issue with this, if my mom had gone with her original plan. She originally was getting legally married just so my little sisters could have health insurance, keep it on the down low, then have a full wedding the following year. I get that she was going through hard times, and her other daughters needed health insurance. But, less than 48 hours before she went to the courthouse she told me about it, and she told me to keep it “hush hush”, that no one is to know, no one is coming to witness, etc. That Friday, I see photos all over Facebook, and all of *his* family and *her* immediate family came. So for this reason I was incredibly hurt, as I felt she intentionally excluded me. But anyway, as for the “PPD” language, she had professional photos taken, had people witness their ceremony, and now she wants to do it all again next year as if they are UNmarried. Again, I think vow renewals are a beautiful thing. When I reach a huge anniversary, I think it would be lovely to do a private or intimate vow renewal, but the language and purpose of the ceremony would be vastly different from our marriage ceremony. I know this was a very long winded response, but I hope that makes sense! I totally respect your opinion though, and I completely understand why my mom would be hurt if she ever knew I felt that way about it… I know it’s probably wrong to feel this way, but it just rubs me the wrong way :/
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