Post # 1
Ugh. So my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s 15 months younger than me and our relationship has gotten better since I moved out of my parents’ house two years ago, but it’s still not perfect because she’s still a pain in the butt as most siblings are. She’s super nice when she wants to be, but then can go into total bitch mode as well.
I only have three people in my bridal party: my sister and two of my other friends as bridesmaids. I initially had my girls just pick their own dresses as long as it had my requirements. I had emailed them some suggestions and the two friends actually really liked the dress I suggested and decided they would order that. My sister on the other hand immediately said she hated it and refuses to wear that dress. My choice is not bad at all. It’s a long, dark purple, chiffon dress. It’s gorgeous! Here’s a pic.
I told my sister that she can find any dress she wants as long as it’s chiffon, long, and dark purple. THAT’S ALL I ASKED. She stated that she HATES chiffon and it’s not flattering at all. I think she’s completely insane to even say that! She’s the smaller of the three and today we went to a store to try on the dress we chose. The other two BMs who are bigger than her looked great in the dress and they loved it! I just don’t understand why my sister is being so fussy for no reason! She said that chiffon shows every imperfection. NO IT DOESN’T. She was just complaining because the sample size was a 12 and her size is a 6. I held the back of it tight against her the way it would be if it was the correct size, but she basically threw a mini tantrum in the dressing room. I wanted to wring her neck!
She’s stressing me out like crazy. I’ve had prior discussions with her over the phone a few weeks ago and she totally made me cry out of frustation because she refused to even consider my choice of chiffon. She said that because she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor, she can wear whatever she wants. UH, NO.. it’s MY wedding and I nicely asked her chiffon and she won’t do it. I’ve called my mom and asked her to talk to my sister, but my mom isn’t any help. My sister never really listened to any of us to begin with. My mom basically said just to let my sister wear any dress she wanted just to avoid conflict. NO! My sister had picked out some hideous polyester (nothing against polyester, I have tons of polyester stuff, but when the other girls are wearing CHIFFON and she wants to wear polyester, that’s a total no!) from Windsor and I just couldn’t believe her choice. The dress looked so poorly made and did not look good. She had previously made some comment that chiffon is too flowy and makes her look fat. She wants a fitted dress. I’m sorry, but everyone is going to be in a flowy dress. Chiffon is a flowy fabric. Why would I put my bigger girls in a dress that will make them look even bigger? I would never do that and this dress looked amazing on them all! I just ask that everyone is in the same fabric, length, and color! Why is she being sooooo difficult?! Oh yeah, the price isn’t a big reason because the site that the girls are going to order off of has the dress for $109 when it’s really atleast a $170 dress. One of my BM’s is actually going to go to downtown Los Angeles and see if she can find it there for even cheaper. Price is one problem, but is not the reason why Maid/Matron of Honor is complaining about the chiffon.
After the other girls went home and my sister was about to drive off and go to work, I again very nicely asked, basically BEGGED, her to please just wear chiffon. I managed to make a deal with her that if she can find a dress that I approve of that is chiffon, long, and dark purple by June 1st, she can wear it for the wedding. But if she can’t find something by that date, she will have to order the dress I chose. This is so dumb because this was what I asked of her months ago in the first place! Ahhhh!! Sorry for my long vent! I just needed to let out my frustations. Thank you for reading if you’ve reached this far down. 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You’re being very reasonable with her- the deadline’s good. She just needs to stop complaning and wear the chiffon, for crying out loud. *Especially* since you’re only talking around $109- considering that the two dresses I’ve worn were over $200, I would wear a $100 trash bag and smile pretty for the bride.
She can not wear whatever she wants as Maid/Matron of Honor, nor does chiffon highlight “flaws.” That dress is gorgeous.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
It’s your wedding. She needs to just wear the darn dress. This isn’t about her. I’d be more firm about the situation and tell her she doesn’t have a choice; this isn’t open for debate.
Post # 5
@rebwana: Thank you! I tried so hard to find a NICE but decently priced dress and finally found it and she refuses! It’s extremely difficult to make my sister understand that this is MY wedding and she has to wear what I ask of her. I’m not asking her to wear a hideous dress. It’s gorgeous! And she can still sell it after, even with it being hemmed, if she didn’t want to wear it again. I told her that when she gets married, I’ll gladly wear anything she wants me to wear, even if I hate it. But she won’t take on that same attitude for me. 🙁
@mrsSonthebeach: I’ve tried! She just won’t listen! She basically shuts me out when I try to reason with her and tell her she really doesn’t have a choice about the fabric. I’m being nice about the actual style, but the fabric is not going to be changed at all. She refuses to listen to me. I don’t know what to do to make her just suck it up without hearing tons of crap back from her.
Post # 6
i love the dress that you chose. and the price is great for such a beauty. i hope your sister comes to her senses. good luck.
Post # 7
You’re being completely reasonable and sounds like your sister is just being a brat.
Post # 8
@mypinkshoes: Thanks, I hope so, too!
@Jamcnair: Yes, she is! I was hoping she would’ve grown out of this brat phase at almost age 25, but nope, doesn’t look like it!
Post # 9
At some point you have to stop arguing and pull a “I Tarzan, you Jane” moment.
I’d sit down with her and basically tell her how it is: it’s YOUR wedding and she is your Maid/Matron of Honor. This is the dress.
To me (medically-UNtrained me!), it sounds like she has body issues, which transcend chiffon and sizing and work their way into general control issues, which may be just what’s going on. You can reassure her that she’ll look gorgeous for the wedding and that it would make you feel so proud to have her next to you on the big day. You can reiterate that you would never do anything to make her look bad; you just have a certain vision for the day and would like her to be a part of it. Good luck!
Post # 10
Well, I would say that it is this dress or you are out of the wedding. You don’t need this stress! I was 17 when my sister got married (she is 6 years older) and I gave her a hard time about the dress she chose. So, she gave me the same ultimatum — I can wear what she picked and stand with her or I can wear what I want and sit in the audience. I wore the dress she picked and it really was beautiful.
Post # 11
What were the first initial reqirements that you gave the girls when you said they could choose their own dresses? Did you ask her a budget for the dress. Even though the dresses you found are on the cheap end of Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses maybe she can not afford it?
I agree she is being a brat but she might also be frustrated because you are chopping and changing what you want. You told her she could choose a dres of her liking to begin with but are now saying you have to wear this one.
Also I think it always helps to remember that your significant life milestones are to going to change someone elses attitude/personality.
Honestly since the dress doesn’t look like it would be too unflattering on anyone if you want her to wear the dress maybe paying for it yourself might be the best option. That way she can’t complain.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I wouldn’t try to reason with her. This isn’t up for discussion, so convincing her with reason is irrelevent. If she wants to participate in the wedding, she wears the dress. PP is right. You’re Tarzan!
Post # 13
It’s a gorgeous dress, she’s just being a brat!
Post # 15
@BothCoasts: I’ve tried! I’ve told her numerous times, this is what I want and I know she’ll look great in the dress and she totally does. And you’re right. She might still have some body issues. But I’ve told her several times she looks beautiful and has nothing to worry about! She just won’t listen. She has crazy ideas in her head.
@j_jaye: So the price I think has a tiny part in this. When I showed her this dress when I first showed it as a suggestion to the girls when I told them to find their own, she showed me some other dress that I didn’t like that was actually MORE expensive than the $109 I showed her. So price isn’t 100% an issue. But she did say she doesn’t want to pay money for a dress she hates. I told her she can sell it and get back a good amount of money back and not have to wear it again, but she still thinks the dress is “ugly”. The only reason why I’m changing what I said in the beginning of allowing her to find her own chiffon dress is because time is ticking and she STILL hasn’t shown me any dresses that have all my requirements (THREE things!) since she’s hating on the Chiffon. That’s why I basically said okay, enough is enough, time is flying by and we need to pick a dress like NOW. And sadly, I think you may be right about maybe just having to pay for her dress so she shuts up. I really don’t want to do that though because all her life, that’s how she got away with things. She would purposly complain and complain and throw fits and knew that either me or my mom would just pay for it to make her stop. And I hate giving into her yet AGAIN, but I may just have to since it’s for my wedding and I’m just sick of her shit.
@MrsKittyMt: I don’t know if I want to tell my sister this or you’re out. She might just say okay, screw you I’m out! And out of selfish reasons, I don’t want her to bow out because she’s the one planning my bridal shower. Plus, my mom would never allow me to even say such a thing.
@mrsSonthebeach: Lol, I wish it was that easy with her!
Post # 16
@MrsWTD: Well a shower is a good reason (totally selfish but FINE BY ME) to keep her in the wedding. I suppose that would be pretty extreme. My sister was pretty upset when she said that and I think it woke me up the severity of my behavior. Plus, she isn’t a teenager anymore.