(Closed) VENT Mom ruined my wedding dress!

posted 2 years ago in Dress
Post # 16
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

In real, practical terms, is there a difference between a dress with stains packed up forever, or a partially bleached dress packed up forever?

Post # 17
Member
5695 posts
Bee Keeper

Let’s look at what’s really gone here. The dress was stained, now it’s off color. So you won’t be able to sell it. But let’s pretend for a moment that the dress is ok. So you pay extra to have a special preserving box and they set it up. The box sits in various closets in various houses until you have a daughter, but shes 3 sizes too big for it. So it sits some more. Finally you decide to get ride of 30 years of detritus and you see the box. You open it and it’s all yellowed lol.

Sometimes things dont go according to plan. Best to just roll with it and move onas long as no one was hurt in the process. 

Post # 19
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
zzar45 :  so what’s the point of your post? Are you simply asking for people to pity you? You’re not exactly known for being gentle or understanding on the bee. I’m not sure what you expect but few people will feel sorry for you. Consider yourself lucky that your dress got ruined AFTER your wedding and move on woth your life.

You know what would be the best thing to do? Donate it to someone can make use out of it since you can’t sell and consider it’s ruined. Maybe another bride will be happy to shorten the hem. Or maybe a children’s theatre club will be eternally thankful. You have options. 

Post # 20
Member
9111 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
zzar45 :  I get that – it’s most definitely a bummer. I’d just try and turn it around and see how you can make the dress special in a new way! Repurpose the salvagable part into something you can wear to celebrate your first anniversary (a shorter dress or maybe lingerie?). Make a christening gown or a stuffed animal for a future child. Do a trash the dress photoshoot. Have a scrap of lace/beading made into a necklace. Have a clutch made from the bodice. Most people end up shoving it in a closet and forgetting about it (guilty) so take this as a chance to make it into something special that you can incorporate into every day life. 

Post # 22
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Wow I’m kind of surprised at the treatment you’re getting here. I’ll be honest, your comments aren’t always my favorite on the bee but I think some people are being unnecessarily rude. Like your mom was helping you out, you didn’t force your stuff on her? She unsolicited bleached your dress, who wouldn’t be upset. And like you said, you aren’t attacking her, you’re taking space since she’s already upset. You’re just venting about something I think most of us would be upset about. Sometimes I can’t comprehend the responses on here, like did you even read it?? 

 

Sorry bee this totally sucks, a place may be able to box it in a way where the top is displayed and hide the bottom so you can still have a momento or pretty display. 

Post # 23
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
zzar45 :  I’m sorry that happened to you! That really sucks. Completely understand your feelings here. 

That said, since you weren’t sure what you were going to do with it, is there a possibility of getting the dress altered? I have been thinking about altering my dress after my wedding so I can still wear it during some formal occasions. Some women have done this by making their dress tea length. I wonder if something like that would be a possibility for you? 

ETA – just took a look at your dress. ADORABLE. Loving the 2 piece! I think that dress would actually look incredible if the skirt was shortened and tightened at the knees and you could totally rock it for other occasions. 

Post # 24
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
zzar45 :  my zipper broke in the middle of the reception. We got an emergency sewing kit and fixed it well enough to hold until the night was over. Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal. I know you’re sad right now but in 5 years from now you won’t care. And as pp said, in 20 years it will be discoloured anyway. 

Post # 25
Member
648 posts
Busy bee

I’m glad wr all have these forums to share, vent, and have our emotions validated.  Your dress is special and means something, and your anger and sadness are evident. And real, not trivial.

So feel free to have these feelings and not feel guilty for how you feel.

Also though, try to see how scsred and sad your mom might be feeling, and try to come together over it. Have a cry, have a laugh. 

 

You can’t save the dress, but you can save the relationship between yourself & your mom.

Post # 26
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I guess I’m the odd man out here but I think what your mom did was fucked. She ignored your no and thought she knew better than you and ruined your damn wedding dress. I’d be having a talk with her about respecting my decisions.

Post # 27
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

zzar45 :  I’m sorry bee, that really sucks. It sounds like your mom had the best intentions but it’s still hard to see something so meaningful and special get ruined. I think you’re doing the right thing by venting here and allowing yourself some time before talking to your mom. Your emotions are high right now and it would be easy to lash out. 

Post # 28
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
zzar45 :  The situation sucks, but what’s done is done.

I’m in love with my wedding dress, but I love my mom a zillion times more. It would break my heart if she felt terrible after accidentally damaging it. I would cool down before speaking to her. No need to rub salt into her wounds. 

Post # 29
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

It’s sounds like the OP’s mom was happy to help out with the dress. It’s her mom for god’s sake and it’s not like the OP was asking her to dig ditches. I think we can dispense with the “forced labor” outrage. I love my dress and this would also upset me. I had mine sent out to be cleaned, preserved, and sealed by a company that specializes in wedding gown preservation. Anyway, OP, it doesn’t seem like your mom did anything maliciously. I think it’s fine to say, “I wish you hadn’t soaked it before talking to me first,” and then letting it go, which it sounds like you plan to do. Sorry.

Post # 30
Member
4870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
zzar45 :  your not going to wear it again and you said you were no longer going to sell it because of the stubborn stains so whilst it’s upsetting and annoying, it’s not the end of the world.

Just a suggestion but volunteer groups exist out there that make outfits /blankets for stillborn babies to be buried in. They use donated wedding dresses to do this. Maybe it would be a nice gesture to donate what is left of your dress to a cause like this? Turn a negative like a ruined dress into a positive by helping a volunteer group who do great work and for something worthwhile…

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