(Closed) Vent: Mother of the bride (loooong)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I’m not doing any planning with my mother & she hasn’t even asked. I moved out from her house & into my dads when I was very young, so I wasn’t expecting any help at all. I don’t get why she would offer to do your cake when you get engaged and now not want to help at all?!??!!

I know it’s so stressful planning a wedding, & I hate that your mother’s not willing to help at all.

Maybe you could just sit down with her and start off by saying “Mom, this is really important to me and I want us to sit down and talk like adults…no argueing, no getting mad, nothing” & maybe you can talk about it then??

If she goes off about it after you saying that, I guess you’ll just have to accept the fact that she doesn’t want anything to do with it…it stinks, & I’m so so sorry…but it’s better to accept it than to deal with your mother saying that every single time.

::HUGS:: But, I’m sure your wedding is going to be EVERYTHING you’ve dreamed of!!! Think positive πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That’s awful!  I heard the “it’s still so far away” from my mom too, but that’s mostly because she hates tempting fate, and worries that something will go wrong before the big day (not necessarily with me and my FI).  However, in your situation I’m sure it’s really hard especially since you’re so close to the date!  I really hope it works out for you and your mom and that you can share this wonderful day with her!! xoxo

Post # 7
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Im sorry you feel sad about this, but we cant help to feel this way because its our mom.  My mom was married and divorced 3 times so she doesnt believe in love or marriage anymore, this keeps her from being happy for me.  She told me months ago to never talk to her about any wedding stuff at all and that she is too stressed in her life to deal with the drama, which there wasnt any at all!  When I took her to try gowns on she was very negative and I can tell she didnt want to be there, I tried to include her in the planning but seems like she’s not game so i gave up.  Alot of moms that are paying for their daughter’s wedding love to be involved and to make sure everything is perfect because they are the hosts so dont feel too bad

Post # 9
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It seems like maybe there is an underlying problem that is bothering her about the whole thing.  Maybe she is worried about the costs?  Bothered by something you said to her about the wedding?  Worried about losing her baby girl?  Doesn’t understand that her participation is incredibly important to you?  A lot of people get really worked up about issues that come up in wedding planning and they don’t know how to act about it.  Do you think you could sit down with her and try to have a heart-to-heart about it?

I have had similar problems with my Future Mother-In-Law.  At first she seemed excited, but she didn’t seem to know how to help.  We didn’t take some of the ideas she offered about venues, etc. and from that point on she has kind of shut us out on the wedding front.  Since then I have tried to involve her but I have gotten nothing back.  But when I ask her for her input or if she wants to help she seems happy just kind of staying out of the way.

Post # 10
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Awww. I’m sorry you are going through this.  I don’t really have any advice for you, except *HUGS*  Sometimes mom’s get emotional and upset around their children’s weddings, especially if you are the first child to get married or an only child.  I would cut her a little slack.

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this. If it’s any consolation, I had the exact opposite and it was terrible. I also look back at my wedding planning experience and completely shudder. My mom was entirely too overbearing and really pushed me into the wedding she wanted.

I know it’s so much easier said than done, but try not to let it bother you. You are marrying a wonderful man and everything will turn out fine. Leave your mom alone and let her be the party pooper if she wants.

Post # 12
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My mom was also really uninvolved, and at one point told me that I was talking about the wedding too much and she didn’t want to hear it anymore. She spent most of the wedding week, while my sisters and I were crazily trying to get things together, playing Farmville on Facebook. Other times, she would get really into particular things – she cross-stitched a really beautiful ring-bearer’s pillow for us, for instance, and did all the formatting and printing for our programs.

I think that for my mom, she was having issues about her own wedding – she pretty much let her mom plan the wedding, and it was all just sort of “how weddings were done” in that town – they got the same DJ, hall, florist, etc. as everyone else, and mom pretty much just picked her dress and the bridesmaids’ dresses. The only personalization I’ve really heard about is that she put a few stalks of silk lilies of the valley in her bouquet. They had hired a family friend as the photographer, and he lost the film from their ceremony, so there are just a few photos from their reception.

So on the one hand, the careful planning and personalization was all pretty foreign to my mom, and on the other, she wasn’t sure it was worth all that time I was putting into it – and maybe she also saw it as saying that the kind of wedding she had wasn’t “good enough.” About 2 days before the wedding, she really got it, and was totally there for me.

If I were you, I’d *only* talk to her about things where she needs to make a decision, or be informed – her guest list, her dress, etc., and don’t bring them up at random times – call and say “hey, I need to talk to you about 3 wedding things, is this a good time for that?” I know my mom felt like the wedding was all I talked about, b/c I would bring it up randomly, and it helped to have mini-wedding-meetings and keep wedding stuff out of everything else. Good luck, and I hope your mom comes around!

Post # 14
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Haha…I LOVE the groomzilla!! πŸ™‚ My Fiance isn’t involved at all with the wedding, I’m glad yours is!!!

Post # 15
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@Headuh: Yeah, I grew up in Worcester, and our wedding was there despite living in NYC now πŸ™‚

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