Post # 1
I just celebrated my birthday over the weekend. I turned 26 so not a BIG one. I did more of a get-together last year but this year I just wanted to relax. My Fiance and I went to dinner with one of my BM’s and her husband. It was great to spend the time with them because they live in New York.
My other Bridesmaid or Best Man, I live with. Her birthday was in September and we celebrated by going to a nice dinner and doing the whole present thing. It comes to my birthday and she doesn’t even mention it. She left town the day of my birthday to go to a shower. I am not asking for anything just for her to acknowledge it. She calls me at 7:30pm the night of my bday acting like she hadn’t forgot and trying to play it off. It really bothered me. Last night she texted me that she wants to take me out for my birthday and she picked the place. When it was her birthday, she picked a medium priced place. I have never been to the place she picked but it’s almost like a food trailer! I spent almost $100 on her for her birthday and she wants to take me to get a burger and fries. I know she is going to be spending money to be part of my wedding. I know it sounds like it’s about the money but it just about being thoughtful.
Am I overreacting? Should I say something? I really want to get over it and I know it will take time but right now I’m a little heated.
Post # 3
@CathleenG: Honestly I think you are overreacting.
She called you on your birthday and wished you a happy birthday and she’s wanting to take you out to dinner.
Just because you spent $100 on her b-day dinner doesn’t mean she has to spend that much on you. The money doesn’t represent how much you care about each other/how much your friendship means.
If she just went to a shower and has your wedding as well she may be really strapped for cash right now and this is all she can afford.
Also, she might have been rushing out the door the morning of your birthday and then really not had time to pick up the phone until that night. I really think you are thinking to much into it, just enjoy the fact that your friend wants to take you to dinner.
Post # 4
I’m not sure why you’re upset? She didn’t forget about your birthday, she called you that day. And I know I personally could not afford to spend $100 on someone’s birthday, I spent less than $20 on FI’s birthday present. She’s taking you out to eat, which is the same thing you did for her, so the thought is there.
Post # 5
I think you are over reacting too. She did wish you a happy brithday on your birthday, who cares if it was later in the day.
Comepletely agree with PP that if she just went to a shower and is spending money on your wedding and Christmas coming, she really might be strapped for cash. Just appreciate that she wants to celebrate with you.
Post # 6
@CathleenG: Ummmm…. ok, I’m just going to be honest. I know some people think birthdays are a big deal, I don’t get it. I feel like after the age of about 10, it’s just not a big deal anymore. You didn’t die for a year, woohoo! We don’t celebrate birthdays after age 18 in my family so maybe I’m just a weirdo. But anyway, just because you spent [X] amount of money on her birthday and made it a big deal is no way binds her to do the same. She called you, she wants to take you out, she did not forget let’s be honest. Say thanks and enjoy a tasty burger.
Post # 7
I’m sorry, I know how it feels to have your birthday overlooked. But KatNYC2011 has a good point–she’s probably really broke right now :(. I think maybe let this year slide and just not spend as much on her next year to fit it into a budget she’s more comfortable reciprocating.
If it makes you feel better, I spend my birthday this year at someone else’s rehearsal dinner. Sometimes birthdays just lose importance as they get surrounded by life events.
Post # 8
I personally could care less about my birthday and feel guilty when friends get me gifts, want to go out, etc.
I do always send birthday cards and call to say happy birthday – and if we’re able to get together, I will order dessert or bring wine for their ‘birthday’ but if it doesn’t happen, I’d like to think it’s not a big deal?
Post # 9
@KatNYC2011: I completely agree.
@CathleenG: If she called you on your birthday, she didn’t forget it. I love birthdays too, but getting heated because she didn’t say something first thing in the morning is not fair to her, at all. Also, you say you don’t want anything, but you are being really derogatory about her restaurant pick.
It is important to remember to be appreciative of your friends, particularly if they are your bridesmaids and are thus likely spending money on being in your wedding.
Post # 10
She didn’t forget. She just didn’t acknowledge your birthday on your terms. But, we don’t get to set the terms.
Post # 11
@CathleenG: To answer your qestions: yes, you are over reacting. No, please don’t say anything. I guess for me birthdays are just like any other days. I don’t make a big deal out of them and my friends don’t either. I’m sorry you feel like you are being stiffed even though ‘it’s not about the money’ She called you. She’s taking you out to eat. Let it go. Happy birthday!
Post # 13
Thanks guys. Honestly, I looked way too much into it and need to be grateful.
Post # 14
I think you should be happy she called you honestly and acknowleged it. NONE of my friends or family know my birthday (unless we are facebook friends)…not even my bridesmaids! I guess it’s just not something we care about.
Post # 15
My Bridesmaid completely forgot my birthday this year and my other bridesmaid only called after 7pm- I was dissapointed but got over it. I think appreciate she even called you and is happy to take you to dinner, it shouldnt matter how much money is spent.