Post # 1
So my Future Mother-In-Law is an opinionated woman used to getting her way by badgering people. She can be weird and annoying but for the most part is harmless. But tonight our families were together and Fiance and I flew in from where we live for this. When everyone was together I showed off the freshly printed invitations.
Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law were not happy. They had seen a proof in black & white and were fine with it. I had described the colors to them, a navy font with a light blue ribbon and a very small yellow border, all matching the wedding colors. So they see it and just STARE at it. And finally Future Mother-In-Law says “oh, its all sorts of colors.” And then sneered at it, handed it back and walked away. Now I normally blow off her weirdness, but this really has me upset. If my parents hated the invite they’d lie and say “it’s great! so glad YOU love it!”…I’m not used to this kind of treatment and I really don’t appreciate it. Especially after the invitations are already printed!!! What does she think complaining will accomplish now other than upsetting me?!?! If she had said she felt weird about the colors before we paid and printed I would have at least considered it but this is so ridiculous at this stage in the game.
And earlier in the night, after we announced what our first dance song will be (and we had actually told her this months ago too), she was like “I would suggest you consider ‘At Last’ instead.” Well we have already picked one we love! And we met at age 16 so ‘At Last’ seems an odd choice, plus we wanted an up-tempo song and something a bit less traditional and WE ALREADY PICKED ONE WE LOVE. I hate being made to feel badly about things like this because I know she’s going to KEEP mentioning it in an attempt to get us to change our minds.
I feel somewhat badly because I’ve turned her down on so many of her suggestions but her suggestions are what SHE wants, not on important things, just preference things! Like I’d take it more seriously if she was expressing an opinion about a rain backup for the ceremony or the something about guest comfort, but on first dance song choices?!?! Or how I should wear MY hair?!?! AHHH. I’m getting upset again because I have to see her tomorrow and then in a few weeks at the tasting which I’m sure will be full of more ‘suggestions’ and digs at my choices.
Blard. Sorry for the novel.
Post # 3
I can relate.My Future Mother-In-Law is the same way.I would just surprise them with all the details.Who cares about her opinion.. It is your wedding.lol
Post # 4
why do you include her so much? im guessing there isnt much in her wardrobe you would want to wear, you are different people with different tastes so stop trying so hard *hugs*
stop sharing with her is my advise
Post # 5
I think your FH should stick up for you when she does something like sneer at your invitation choice. That’s rude and your Fiance should be upset his mother is treating his future wife like that.
Also, I think the trouble is that your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t get to pick things like your first dance song or your hairstyle lol. I agree with eloping, stop telling her how the planning is going in too much detail, that should make it easier for her to keep her opinions to herself. 🙂
Post # 6
Stop telling them information. If it makes you unhappy, miniimze their inclusion in the planning process
Post # 7
Sigh! You’re right, I honestly have not told her that much and I don’t tell her anything until it’s booked, but the few times I see her when I’m in town she asks questions and makes these sad eyes saying she wants to be more involved. I’ve actually vacillated between feeling awful for keeping her so out of everything if she just wants to feel like we’re getting closer/she thinks she’s being helpful, and then feeling incredibly angry she’d try to be involved at all in issues that have nothing to do with her.
@DeathByDesign: lol the woman has learned to wait til Fiance goes off to the bathroom or something and my mom isn’t around to pounce those kinds of things!
Post # 8
Actually thank you all for affirming that I shouldn’t feel bad about limiting her involvment! I guess having never dealt with a person like this before I just feel so awful feeling like I’m ‘keeping secrets’ from her regarding her son’s wedding!
Post # 9
I would just keep quiet about stuff around her. When she gives her opinion I would just simply say, “I would take that into consideration” and smile. Or a simple I haven’t decided about that yet. She had her day and this is yours.
Post # 10
lol the woman has learned to wait til Fiance goes off to the bathroom or something and my mom isn’t around to pounce those kinds of things
well then, she knows shes being out of place and hoping to manipulate you!
it must be just me but i always thought the grooms family should be treated as other guest, invited. show up and shut up. well thats the way it was when my brother and hubbys brother married
Post # 11
I don’t have these exact issues with my Future Mother-In-Law, and for the most part she’s a pretty great Future Mother-In-Law, but we do have a few things that really bug me. Generally speaking they’re weight related (she told me she would give me 5,000$ if I lost weight, she half-seriously told me she would stop paying for my Fiance school tuition if we both didn’t lose weight, etc…gets old after awhile). Its always a sensitive thing with in laws – you prob. don’t want to alienate them, but at the same time there needs to be boundaries and appropriatness. I agree with some others – your wedding, don’t share with her anymore details and she can be surprised at the wedding. Hopefully she’ll be overcome with joy on the day that these things won’t really matter to her as much as they do now. Good luck!
Post # 12
I had a similar issue. My Fiance and I would get excited and share things with her while we were coming up with ideas and most of the ideas we had…my Future Mother-In-Law hated. At first I felt bad and told my Fiance how sad it was that she didn’t like any of our ideas. He didn’t feel she did, but then it became more consistent and eventually, she made a big deal out of something, so we HAD to stop telling her plans. I can’t have stress right now, so I am not even including her in the planning. She has the understanding now that she is just showing up where ever she needs to, thanks to my Fiance.
I hated doing that because I like sharing things with people, but eventually it just gets so old to keep dealing with it and it made me stop wedding planning for almost a year. Its your day and you need to be happy.
Post # 13
Ugh! I’m sorry, things like that leave a bad taste in my mouth. I know it’d be hard to not discuss wedding stuff with her, especially if she asks for details when you see her, but maybe only tell her about the more inane details you don’t have any strong personal attachment to and go into the conversation expecting her to say rude/harsh things so that when she does it doesn’t affect you as much.
Post # 14
I agree with @eloping. Stop paying so much attention to her and stop including her. Let her pout as much as she wants, she’s not getting her way – it’s YOUR wedding! How you described her respponse about the invites, my Mother-In-Law is this way too. It would get to me sooooo much! It took me awhile to realize she’s just an inconsiderate person that’s NEVER had to consider anyone else but herself since she’s used to everyone catering to her every whim!
In her mind, she has the right to pout or be rude just because it’s different from whatever she would pick or want. Tough!
My advice: learn to ignore her. Let it in one ear and out the other or else it will drive you insane! My MIL’s comments and actions had gotten me very depressed at one point. Battling with something I couldn’t change was just something I wasn’t used to. It had to come to that for me to understand what the important thing was: our marriage. I won’t allow anyone else ruin anything for us for whatever reason. At that point, I considered moving to my hometown — but I know my husband would have had a hard time adjusting and he’s closer to his parents than I am with my Mom.
In the end, I took my husband’s advice: don’t give so much attention to what they have to say. A quote I meditated on: “I can’t control what they say, but I can control how I react.”
Post # 15
There’s always someone who’s going to take the wind out of your sails. Weirdly enough especially when it comes to your wedding. There’s always that one person who has to tell you what they “would have chosen” because they think they have better taste, and lack tact. It’s your wedding, and you and your groom are the only ones who need to like it. She can roll her eyes all she wants, she’s only making herself look rude and selfish to the people who have manners.
Post # 16
Don’t give her/them more information than you absolutely HAVE to.
Let them find out on your wedding day!
People like that you just can’t please…….