(Closed) Vent: my friend is too laid back about her wedding

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was this way. If she says she doesn’t care, she really doesn’t care. If you buy new stuff, take the opportuinty to buy stuff you’ll use again. I think you’re lucky! 🙂

Post # 18
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Echoing what others have written… sometimes we truly don’t have a preference on those details.  It’s not a matter of truly not caring, but rather, just not bothered with the details.

If I were you, I’d spell things out clearly to her so that there are no chances for confusion later on.  If you’ve got a dress in mind for your daughter, email her a photo and say something like “I think this will be great for Janie to wear for your wedding, and just wanted you to have the final say before I buy it.”  Chances are she’ll be fine with whatever you pick. Same for the bridesmaids— send some photos, Jill wants to wear this and Susie wants to wear that, shall we purchase?  Then you’re making the decisions yourself but still giving her the last chance to veto.

Just count your blessings that your bride is mellow and not fussed.  There are far worse problems to have!

Post # 19
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yes, if she says she doesnt care, she doesnt care.  If shes not sure yet, she would have said “Im not sure yet”.

I am pretty laid back, I told them guidelines for the dress. Hair, make up, and jewlery? I dont care. Shoes? I told them it didnt matter, as long as they all wore the same colour.

To be safe for the flower girl dress I would still get something that matches.  Either white, or something to match the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. 

Post # 20
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bbsoon2be:  I can imagine how frustrating that is.  My bridal attendants are dealing with the same issue.  I honestly don’t care what dress they wear, or what type of shoes. I told them they can wear tennis shoes for all I care.  I’m just so happy that they’re choosing to celebrate with me.  However, in the interests of not leaving them totally unfettered, I’ve set up a video chat to discuss things.  Of course, now I’m regretting that.  I just want them to get a dress in my chosen color and call it a day.  

Post # 21
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Nona99:  +1, exactly.  I was one of those brides, and everything turned out just fine! 

Post # 24
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m one of those brides…I picked out their dresses since I figured that made things easier for everyone, but I don’t care at all what shoes, how their hair or makeup is done or accessories. My SIL asked me about shoes for the Flower Girl and I could care less and told her I’m fine with whatever she thinks looks best. She bought a silver pair at Target and that works for me. In my defense, the dresses are all long and no one will be looking at their shoes.

I think in your case, it’d be nice to run purchases by her so she sees it, but I wouldn’t get too stressed about it. Chances are if she’s a laid-back person and her planning style is similar, she really won’t care and might appreciate you just making the decisions that you think are best.

Post # 25
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@bbsoon2be:  Why are you spending so much when she doesn’t care? It seems to me that you are ramping up your own angst when there is no need.

Buy a pretty $35 dress for you daughter and a $100 dress for you and end it. Wear shoes you have. Just enjoy the day.

Glad to hear about a bride who plans to enjoy her wedding day and not focus on the physical objects that are not important.

It’s odd indeed to find a rant on this website that’s about a bride who cnanot bring herself to be ‘zilla.

Post # 26
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was that bride (We didn’t even have a rehearsal!). I didn’t care. Really. I knew the day would be perfect and beautiful no matter what. I wanted my girls to feel beautiful and that’s all that mattered… that meant hair, makeup, shoes were up to them to decide how they wanted to look/feel. Also, by not dictating exactly what they had to wear, it allowed them to be within whatever budget they personally had. Take it as an opportunity to stick inside your budget without having to save up! 

Post # 27
Member
5145 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I did not have a bridal party, but I was definitely one of those brides. I really did not care about those details what people wore (really, we told people they could show up naked or in pajamas if that is how they were comfortable), what my husband wore as long as he liked it, we did not have rehearsals, or cake or any of that, and so on. People wore everything from jeans and cowboy boots to cocktail dresses and that was just fine with me. I just wanted to exchange vows with my husband (and the vows WERE something that was important to me that I did care about!), the rest was superfluous for me personally. There is a reason my husband did most of the organzing and planning! And my engagement was only a couple months long, I cannot imagine “planning” for several months on end or caring about details like bridal party attire 9 months out! I know some brides DO and that is fine but that is just not me, and I have no regrets about how everything turned out.

I would not read into her “I don’t care” as “I do care and am going to spring it all on you last minute”. She probably really does not care what shoes you pick out or whatever. What she wants is for you to pick out what you are comfortable with. So, get something that works for you and your daughter and that you can wear again (if you want).

Post # 28
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I was that bride …. I said wear a black dress and whatever shoes your comfortable in.

My Maid/Matron of Honor (only attendant I had, but originally I had 4 before the wedding was changed) had a black dress that I liked but she wanted something more classy so she bought a dark grey dress and it was perfect (almost black).

My suggestion is get a few pics of what you were thinking of getting, show her & say i’m going to buy this, are you ok with it for the wedding.

Post # 30
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@bbsoon2be:  I get where you’re coming from. Like I said, I was that bride. However, had I been on the other side of it, I would have been frustrated… I like to have a little direction and get overwhelmed with too many options/choices. I think sometimes on here, people are looking for a reason to bitch about what someone has said/done. Take everything said here with a grain of salt. 

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