(Closed) Vent: My MOH asked if she could wear a veil. (long)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Oh my goodness, that’s ridiculous! First of all, she cannot get all huffy that you didn’t ask her daughter to be the flower girl. She does not get to choose who is in your wedding party.

Second, I think it’s insane that she think she’s entitled to be able to wear a veil! No one should be wearing one but the bride, unless it is something the bride specifically wants.

Third, she doesn’t get to choose her Bridesmaid or Best Man gift!!!!!!! 

I say you need to put your foot down and just start telling her no. I know conflict is no fun, but this girl sounds like she’s trying to just take everything over. Don’t let her walk all over you!! 🙂

P.S. Welcome to the hive! 

Post # 4
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

wow! I think we all have some Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor issues but this is by far the worst I have ever heard. Wanting to wear a veil is totally crossing the line and trying to be a spotlight stealer. In my opinion you have to choices. You can 1. talk to her and tell her that you are feeling that she is stepping all over your day and its making you upset. Tell her you understand she is excited but that she needs to let you plan your oen wedding or you guys will end up not being friends or option 2. Tell her you think she is acting crazy and is ruining your wedding experience and think it might be best if she is not your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore.

I think as long as you remember that this is the most important day in your life and that this day is ALL about you, you will do the rigth thing. There is only so much craziness one bried can handle!

Good luck, and if it was me she would have been out at asking to wear a veil 🙂

Post # 5
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

WOW! You need to have a VERY serious talk with her. You need to stop all of this now before things get worse and more out of control. It’s your wedding not hers and when you say no she needs to accept that and move on if she can’t then maybe she can’t handle the job of Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 7
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I think getting together isn’t bad. It’d be nice if they all get to know each other and hopefully get along, so they can all be supportive on your wedding day! But I definitely see what you mean about it seeming like she’s trying to take over. She sounds like a really, really strong personality. At least, that’s the most generous explanation I can think of!

Post # 8
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

She sounds like she REALLY wants to plan a wedding! I can’t believe she wants to wear a veil OMG – When I read your title I said out loud – NO WAY!!!! LOL

Honestly, I think you should insist that you want to come shoe shopping too as it will give you an opportunity to see all of your girls! And Maybe you could give her full planning “leadership” on the shower and Bachelorette. Maybe that will get her attention away from the wedding a bit!

Post # 9
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

wow..with a capital W!!! SHe is a bit too demanding. Stick with NO as your answer.

Daughter in your wedding party?..NO

get together with my friends to insist they buy the same shoes (even after I said they didn’t need to)? ..no!

Wear a veil??  um…NO,NO,NO!!!

maybe you should just mention in conversation that everything is under control & all the details are set. At this point it might cause more tension to talk to her about it than to just ignore her ideas…

GOOD LUCK!

Post # 10
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

What on earth!?!?  When I first read the topic I thought maybe she wanted some kind of head covering for religious reasons or something, but no, apparently she’s just an attention hog!  I say have a talk with her about her daughter being too young.  If she keeps bringing up stuff like jewelry or hair accessory, just keep repeating every single time “Thanks for the suggestion, but I have that all taken care of.  I’ll make sure you all look great, you don’t need to worry about it” and then just ignore her suggestions.

Post # 11
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, she is really being very demanding which is strange because it sounds as if you are being VERY accommodating. 

Out of curiosity….has she ever been married?  I’m wondering if she isn’t trying to “shine” vicariously through you, if that makes sense (hey, I can say that, I’m single/never married myself!)  Wink

Post # 13
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Funny you should mention bridezilla–I was just thinking she’s a MOHzilla!!! I agree that it seems she really wants to plan a wedding, just too bad it’s YOURS! Maybe you should seriously suggest she plan a destination wedding (like in Vegas) instead of eloping?

It seems like it might not be a bad idea to let her wear a fascinator or give her (and only her) a pink flask for a gift, though. The fascinator might be a good compromise to get her to drop the subject, because she seems to really want to stand out as the Maid/Matron of Honor, and as long as you don’t give ALL the BMs a flask, I’m sure the preacher’s wife would understand that not everyone lives their lives the same way they do. Plus, compromising might help soften the “no’s” that you seem to have to keep saying! She’s definitely crossed the line when it comes to her daughter, and I don’t blame you for feeling like she’s taking over by getting together with the other BMs when she knows you’ll be out of town. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Umm…I know you love her and all but…WHY ARE YOU INVITING HER FAMILY???

It’s clear that she means a lot to you, so my only advice is to have a true heart to heart with her when you call.  Explain in the psych terms: “When you do [x] it makes me feel [y]…”  For example “When you suggest your own wedding gift, you make me feel uncomfortable because I have already planned the gifts.  I don’t want you to be disappointed, but I also don’t want to change what I have already planned.”  Or also “When you asked if your daughter could be a bridesmaid, it made me feel obligated to include her because you said you had already planned on it.  However, I have already planned out my wedding party, and she wasn’t included.  Not because I don’t adore her, but because she is too young, and I really can’t accomodate another flower girl.  I don’t plan on including her as a flower girl, and I hope you understand why.”  Also “When you insist that your extended family is invited, it makes me feel frustrated and helpless because I don’t have the money (or space) to invite them, and they are taking away seats that I could have given to (someone important to YOU who was left out).  I really want you to enjoy the wedding, but I also need you to understand that it is OUR wedding, and I have already made all the plans.  I love that you want to help me, and I appreciate your input, but I have already planned everything.  Please stop trying to make me change my plans to accomodate your own ideas.  It makes me feel angry because it is MY vision for MY wedding.  Can you understand that?”

Post # 15
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

*gasp*….oh my!!!!!  I am so sorry for your predicament.  Since she seems to be overly involved, is there any sort of creative wedding “task” you could assign to her.  Something that maybe isn’t of too much importance to you that could just keep her occupied and feeling involved, even if it’s for your own sanity.  Maybe ‘designing’ the gift card holder? 

The topic ‘Vent: My MOH asked if she could wear a veil. (long)’ is closed to new replies.

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