(Closed) Vent: NDad not attending wedding – wins and loses

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

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FutureMrsHitBee :  Some parents just don’t have the skills to be a parent and it sounds like your dad is one of those people. I know it can be hard when you compare your relationship to other healthier parent/child bonds, but you are doing the right thing. It sounds like your dad has some pretty serious emotional problems. You can only do so much, and ultimately just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean he’s entitled to be abusive toward you.

You standing up for yourself and your future is brave and you should be proud of yourself for doing it.

 

Post # 3
Member
5582 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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FutureMrsHitBee : 

Awwwww bee 🙁 🙁 societal expectations can be very tough during wedding planning. My mother is abusive but was stable for a few years and is now unstable again, she wants nothing to do with me right now.

A big part of me is relieved because it makes my goal of limited contact for me and no contact for my daughter much easier.

I’m going through similar things, though I’ve long realized and accepted that my mother is sick, it still hurts.

I guess what I have for you are hugs and commiseration.

I’m glad you had a good outcome with your family though, you must have been so relieved.

Post # 4
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

I completely feel you on this bee, having cut out my dad from my life recently. We had a meeting with our officiant yesterday and he was asking about our parents and if they would be attending and it was so hard to say “No, my dad isn’t coming” 🙁

My story isn’t as bad as yours, we’ve always had a great relationship until he and his side of the family decided I wasn’t worth their time or effort and stopped inviting me to family functions, including my grandfather’s funeral. I tried to make it work after that (as if that wasn’t reason enough to tell them all sayonara), but then my dad went on a tirade on Facebook about a very personal subject to me and embarrassed me in front of my mom’s side of the family, since it was on a post by my Aunt from that side. I had had enough and I knew I would never receive an apology so I cut him out. He didn’t even reach out to ask why. HIS LOSS. Truly!

The thing is, you made the choice to cut him out for a reason, and a very good one from the sound of it. You’re not denying him anything, he denied HIMSELF of the PRIVILEGE to be at your wedding by being a shit human being! You didn’t do anything wrong!

You have to think about not only your safety but also your happiness! Your wedding should be spent with those that love and appreciate you, regardless of blood relation. 

*HUGS*

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