- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
TW: verbal/mental abuse
This is more of a vent. I’m not asking for any advice because what’s done is done.
I’ve known that my narc. dad wouldn’t be attending our wedding for almost a year now, but there was always that hope in the back of my mind that things would change. Our relationship has been rockey for a long time, where my role went from child to counselor to punching bag back to child (as a 25 year old adult). Things got a lot more final when he threatened to murder me via text. I ended up contacting the police and they reached out to him and told him to stop contacting me. We’re worried about him just showing up so we’ve (aka my mom and her husband) also hired someone to man the door at all times.
In that time, I’ve heard about his smear campaign. He’s been telling everyone that he works with that I am a horrible person and how dare I do this to him. Now that mine and FI’s wedding is in 79 days I’ve just been thinking more about how I will never have those moments where he’ll walk me down the aisle, when he would tear up seeing me in my dress, no dance and no well wishes. I feel like a total asshole because it’s not like he’s dead, and some days I feel like I’m denying him the chance to be there. He will never get that opportunity back, I will never get that opportunity back.
A few months ago my mum got married (it was a beautiful day and I am so happy for her). One of her friends who was invited is married to a gent who works with my dad. They brought up the situation (which was really awkward), but they also said “At the end of the day, you can’t force people to be in your life. If they don’t want to be there, they can jump in the lake.” Phew.
One thing that had been eating away at me was trying to invite my Aunt and Uncle (dad’s oldest brother – who also works with him) and my Grandma (who lives with my dad). Since I’ve gone NC with my dad, I’ve lost contact with that side of the family, and I was incredibly worried about how they would react once I did find a way to reach out.
I put off that phone call for weeks.
Finally gathered the courage to call and THEY WERE SO EXCITED TO HEAR FROM ME. My Aunt told me that she doesn’t blame me at all, and that she would go pick up my Grandma so she could also attend our wedding.
I straight up ugly cried because of happiness and relief.
Anytime I get sad, I just try to count all the things I am grateful for. I also try to remember that I have a multitude of people standing behind me in my decision to not have an abusive parent attend what will be one of the happiest days of my life.
I needed to get my thoughts out, so thank you for reading if you stuck around.