(Closed) VENT! Need friendship advice. Moocher?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Back when I was younger, I had money. I don’t know why, but I would save it form my birthdays and spend it on my friends. When I got a job, I couldn’t save because I spent my money on my friends. I didn’t care, it was fine. At that age, I was young enough to believe that my friends were most important and I liked spoiling them.

When one of my gfs got a job, she started paying for herself when we’d go out, and sometimes for me too. That was great, I felt like she really appreciated what I had done for her.

Another friend did not. She hoarded her money. Her and I came from very similar backgrounds, but she hoarded and saved her money and I gave mine away to all my friends. I started to resent her because she was making as much, if not more money than I was, and still thought it’d be cool if I paid for her when we went out.

Also, when my friends tell me they don’t have money to go out now, we don’t go out. I am a broke college student who can’t afford to pay back school loans, car loans, medical bills, insurance etc. and pay for my friends to go out. We’re all cool with that.

If you’re getting the feeling that she is mooching, has never offered to help out with paying anything, you’re probably right. She probably is mooching.

However, if she’s just in a rough patch with trying to find a job, then maybe she is just disappointed and wants to hang out but really doesn’t have the money to.

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think you’re being rude.  You extended an invitation to join you out at the restaurant, so it’s not like she wasn’t invited.  She’s an adult, if she wants to join you she needs to figure out some way to get money to pay for her meal.  If people keep enabling her, she’ll continue her behavior.

Post # 7
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BakerBee16:  Ah. Yup. So more like friend 2 in my thing. I grew to really resent that girl, and her and I no longer talk except a passing phrase every now and then when we’re thrown together. (It wasn’t just the money thing, but she really didn’t appreciate our friendship and could only point out flaws).

Definitely don’t pay for her. Like thatredheadedbride said, if you keep enabling her, she’ll just keep doing it.  

Post # 9
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think you are being rude. You did invite her. She shouldn’t expect you to pay for her all the time. It would be one thing if she were paying you back but she isn’t. 

I had a friend like this and we lived together. She would eat all the food, use the internet and expect me to drive her all over the place and buy her cigarettes, but she NEVER offered to pay me back or to put money towards the groceries or any of the bills. Eventually, I moved out. It sounds like your friend is a moocher and I wouldn’t pay for her to go out on NYE. 

Post # 11
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@BakerBee16:  why not be direct? ‘Marie, we love hanging out with you, but don’t have the extra money to treat you.” If no one says anything, she will think this is accepted behavior in your group. Truthfully, she sounds like the type of person who will not be in your life forever so don’t even stress- let things fizzle a bit. 

Post # 12
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@BakerBee16:  I understand. At the time, I really valued her friendship as well (things have happened since and I don’t speak to her anymore because of those things) but you can’t continue to pay for her. I would speak to her directly and let her know that you enjoy her company but that money is tight, like relaxedaboutit said, and see how things go. 

Post # 13
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that to be a true friend, you really need to be harsh with her. She is not doing herself any favors by not trying to better her situation and yes giving her money is not helping either. You invited her, she can’t go because she can’t afford it…..sucks but that is life and it is part of being an adult. I have been in her situation once or twice, but I refused to let people pay for me because it made me feel just awful….and in turn it pushed me to do right for myself.

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