(Closed) [Vent] No! You can't use those songs!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Asia:  +1

 

I cannot FATHOM catering to her over this!! Let her fucking stay home!! SHE’LL regret it later and she needs s reality bitch slap in the face and it sounds like NO ONE in her life will do it! WTF! You’re enabling her to continue this behavior. I’d tell her no. If she throws a hissy fit tell her to stay her ass home. Someone needs to put that little brat in her damn place.

ETA: After reading your reply to Asia OP, I get where you’re coming from but I guess I wouldn’t even be worried about her not showing up. It’s the happiest day of MY life…yes, I love my sister. But if she was behaving like a spoiled little brat, I would not miss her at my wedding. If you’re doing it for your sanity, that’s fine. But in her mind, she’s won. & she WILL fight you over the next thing, and the thing after that because she got her way this time. You’re paving the road for future drama instead of stopping it now.

 

Post # 93
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@GamersBride:  OP, I wasn’t trying to rag on you, honest. I’m sorry if my frustrations came out this way. I just hate that you need to even aquiesce to these demands in the first place. It’s just infuriating that you have to choose between changing your plans because of her tantrum, and having peace on your wedding day. I understand that this is the lesser of two evils for you. It’s just nauseating that she gets away with this (and that your mother is encouraging her)

 

Honestly, I just hope this blip passes quickly so you can get back to enjoying (and planning) your day.

 

Post # 94
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!! I had to plan my ENTIRE wedding around my 17 year old sister’s social schedule.  We were originally planning for a wedding in April or May but my sister threw a FIT becuase she’s graduating high school at the end of May and couldn’t give up ONE weekend with her friends to attend my wedding, and MY MOTHER SUPPORTED HER. We also couldn’t have it in the summer because she’ll have open houses to go to, and we didn’t want to wait an extra 6+ months because of my sister so we’re having it in January (and that’s just setting the date), believe me, I know your pain.  It’s absolutely ridiculous my Fiance says it’s like she’s the one getting married and not me.  

Post # 95
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@soontobemrsm11: I still agree with this sentiment. Even if sister DID stay home, or DID try to unplug shit at the wedding, I jsut can’t imagine a parent not stepping in and telling her to calm the fuck down or sending her to a corner to stay out of the way. I think it is difficult for you or I to understand OP’s position because (at least for myself, for the most part) my parents would never allow or encourage this sort of behavior, and at least for my wedding, I wouldn’t have to put up with this- or be put on the spot. :/

 

Post # 96
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Asia:  very very true. it would absolutely never be tolerated. and if I was worried she would pull crap at the wedding, I’d make SURE she didn’t come. I can’t imagine having a mother who thought that this behavior was okay. Makes me sad.

Post # 97
Member
2936 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@somethingaquamarine:  +1000

if your sister isn’t planning on getting married anytime soon she can suck it! It is YOUR WEDDING not hers and she needs to get over it. You should be happy on your day and do what you want!

Post # 98
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It your sister doesn’t want to be in your wedding anymore over a couple of songs, maybe she needs to look in a mirror and check out how much growing up SHE needs to do.

She can still use the same songs at her wedding, it’s not a big deal.
I think it actually makes it more special because two sisters used the same songs!

Since she’d acting like a baby, your parents should really be the ones talking to her.

But since they won’t, go ahead and use the songs anyway. Dont tell your sister anything else about your wedding, since she obviously can’t handle it.
Your sister shouldn’t call the shots at all, let alone a month out.

Post # 100
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I totally understand where you are….I LOVE your FI’s suggestion….I would SOOOOOOOOO do that….

Or, tell her you are using the songs.  Then if she says she isn’t coming to your wedding tell her you would tell anyone who asks why she isn’t there that “she decided not to attend since I used the songs she wanted to use for HER wedding.  You know, even though she isn’t even in a relationship right now.”

I’m betting if she knew that you would tell other guests that she would back off…

 

I chose very different songs for most of my wedding…my father/daughter dance song is just breathe by pearl jam…our first dance is Here I stand by usher (FI chose this)

Post # 101
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@GamersBride:  I totally get it and don’t feel like you’re “giving in” to her. When I read your original post I thought “Well that sucks. The songs are ruined now anyway.” because I know I would be thinking about how my sister was being a jerk while having my first dance. 😛 Hope you find something awesome. 

Post # 102
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@GamersBride:  I totally get it and don’t feel like you’re “giving in” to her. When I read your original post I thought “Well that sucks. The songs are ruined now anyway.” because I know I would be thinking about how my sister was being a jerk while having my first dance. 😛 Hope you find something awesome. 

Post # 103
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@GamersBride:  since you said you are not too attached to the songs and are looking for new ones anyway here is my idea:

tell her she has won and can have the songs. Tell her that you won’t be going to her future wedding unless she plays them though! remind her occasionally over the years as she grows up. When the day comes (if ever) that she grows up, gets engaged, and is planning her own wedding (likely) without those songs remind her of this day. Really lay it on! haha. There might then be a small chance to get the apology you deserve!

and if she does use them then I guess she really did want them that bad 😉

Post # 104
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@GamersBride:  I agree with you about picking the correct battle.

So here are a few songs i am considering for our first dance.

Ho Hey: The Lumineers

What a day: Saw Doctors

When I’m with you: JJ Heller 

Boat Song: : JJ Heller

Better Together: Jack Johnson

I’m Yours: Jason Mraz.

And for the father daughter dance. Pick that with your dad. See what he suggest. You never know there maybe a song that reminds him of you Smile

Enjoy finding a new song

Post # 105
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@GamersBride:  YES YES YES YES YES.  Do exactly what your Fiance said!  Really lay it on thick about how “Oh, Jennifer and Sarah and Jessica and Carla and Alex all had that song for their first dance, and both Jennifer and Jessica also had that daddy/daughter dance along with Mary.  It’s just too cliche, and we really want to pick a song that represents our unique and special love.”

And like other PPs said, badger her throughout the next years, telling her about how she needs to use those songs for the wedding.  Infact, if/when she gets engaged, tell her congrats, and that you can’t wait to watch her and her Fiance and her and your dad dance to those songs.  Seriously.  Bring it up constantly, and never let her live it down.  (I am a terrible person.)

OH!  You could still totally play those songs, or at least “When I Said I Do.”  Have your DJ announce that this is your sister’s song for her future wedding, and you wanted to play it to honor her future relationship.

… OK, that last part may not be that great, but I still think it would be hilarious.

For the record, I don’t necessarily see this as caving in as more of avoiding drama and letting her dig herself into an embarassing hole in the future.  Also, since you’re not that super attached to the songs, this whole thing kind of just ruins them, even though they’re good songs.  (For example, I really like Phillip Phillips “Home,” but my grandfather died around the time it got popular, and I heard it on the radio every time I was driving that week, so it still brings those memories.  Awkward.)  You can find better, unique ones.

Post # 106
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your sister is being a self centered brat and your mom should not be pandering to her. Use the songs. Your sister will be the one filled with regret if she doesn’t show up to your wedding. 

 

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