(Closed) [Vent] No! You can't use those songs!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Use them, and then use them in a wedding video that you post everywhere, including the day before her future wedding so everyone is reminded that you used those songs and she’s copying you.

Post # 109
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@GamersBride:  I totally understand why you would want to keep the peace. Are you worried that now she’ll think to get her way she will harass your FI? That’s what I’d be worried about and would make it known that that will not be tolerated ever again.

If you’re looking for country songs for your father/daughter dance, my Dad has chosen “I loved her first”. And I used to think I wanted to dance with him to “Daddy’s hands”, although that was when I was a teenager and strangely enough….my thoughts have changed! But it’s a great song as well.

 

 

Post # 110
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Stop indulging your bratty sister and use the songs you like! She’s probably acting like this because she’s always gotten her way. Do her a favour and ignore her. 

 

Post # 111
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

For the love of God. Use them, too bad for her. Don’t ever tell her what the names of your future children will be until they’re born that’s for sure.

 

Post # 112
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GamersBride:  I think that what you guys ultimately came up with is a great idea to be able to get through your wedding with the minimum of hassle. Your sister’s completely in the wrong, but there’s no sense spending the lead-up to the wedding fighting about the songs, because THAT’S a way of letting her win, too. You guys seem fairly flexible and like this won’t be the end of the world for you. I DO encourage you to keep these songs secret til the wedding itself though!

Once you guys have had a beautiful wedding and a scrumptious honeymoon and a leisurely time of unpacking and dealing with post-wedding transition (etc etc etc) — I really do advise having a private sit-down with your mom about your sister’s behavior, though. She’s being completely ridiculous, in ways that are beyond the pale of “bratty teen” (she’s 18, not 13!) and into narcissistic behavior (the thing about your cousin’s baby name is an example), and it’s completely unacceptable that your mom is giving her the stamp of approval to act like this. Your sister or mom may need to see someone to work through whatever issues are going on there that she can make those kind of power plays and have your mom back her up.

Post # 113
Member
3165 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If she really chooses not to come to your wedding over two songs it’s going to look really bad on her part and she is the one who will have to deal with the regret! Call her bluff! Use the songs!

Edit: read update. When you get back from your honeymoon I think you should have a serious talk with her about how inappropriate her behavior was and how you only changed your songs to avoid drama and stress leading up to your wedding day caused by her bratty and selfish behavior. Better ask her for a list of childrens names she has “claimed” while you are at it! Sheesh !

Post # 114
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know you say this is not an important battle, or a hill to die on, but…

 

I can’t help thinking that if she is “allowed” to get her way (even if that is not how you mean it to look she will still feel she’s “won”) after throwing such a ridiculous hissy fit over HER OWN SISTER’S WEDDING and harrassing her brother-in-law to get what she wants… where will the brattiness end? If she can get you to change your WEDDING plans, what else can she get you to change for her in the future?

 

My mother often used the same excuse over and over with MY younger sister, who was very much an only child, being 6 years younger than all her siblings. Every little battle was “oh, this isn’t THAT important, because I don’t really care about it after all. If it was REALLY important, I would put my foot down. She won’t ALWAYS get her way!” All it did was teach my sister that an initial “no” or “you’re being a brat, and I will not allow that behavior” really meant, “but I will eventually give in, so keep it up!”

 

I’m not saying that this is a pattern for you and your sister. I’m just saying that I’ve seen it happen, and as well-intentioned as my mother was, she was constantly walked over by her daughter because no battle was ever big enough to stand strong until the end.

 

I suppose I would not be as worried as you are about salvaging the relationship or avoiding drama. It seems like your sister will find another way to cause drama over the wedding if she wants. I would simply ignore her and do as I wished – that would cause me the LEAST amount of stress. If I changed them for her, I would feel so incredibly ANNOYED about the situation, and her smug brattiness, that it would not help me forget about it at all. 

 

If I were you and wanted to change them because she has ruined them, I wouldn’t tell her about it. Let her think you might still use them, because really, it is NONE of her business what you decide.

Post # 115
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t have much to add (sounds like you’ve decided), but I have to sympathize!! My sister is 10 years younger, not in a relationship, and has already tried to veto my date and my colors because they’re “hers”! From here on out I think I’ll keep the details to myself as much as possible! I can’t even think about what will happen when we get to baby names…

Good luck!

Speaking of country father/daughter songs… that reminded me – my cousin did Strawberry Wine with her dad. It’s a great song, but not to dance to with your dad! It was soo awkward for everyone watching and listening to the lyrics… 

Post # 116
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@GamersBride:  Tell your sister tough luck. If she wants to miss out on one of the biggest days of your life just because she is too immature to get over a song issue (that wasn’t done on purpose or maliciously) that is her loss! Use the songs. One day (hopefully) she will grow up and realize how insanely bratty that outburst was. 

Post # 117
Member
5592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@GamersBride:  Write them down, and make sure you boycott her future wedding if she DOESN’T use these songs.  I’m kidding, but…. wow.

 

Post # 118
Member
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ok OP, this is what you do. 

You write your sister a letter. A hand written “heart felt” (fake it if you have to) letter about how you have always felt this distance between you (because of the age gap) but that you share the same loving parents and you want to honour that in your wedding. That is why it is so important to you that you both use the SAME songs. That your weddings will be years apart, will have different colours and dresses and locations but will be connected by music. That it will bridge the years and bring you closer together. Tell her that you know that things have been centred on you because of the wedding but that you appreciate the support that she has given you and that you are happy to go first because “I can use the mistakes I have made to help make your wedding better when the time comes”. Etc. Etc. Etc.

There is no way she can’t let you use it after that. Her feelings won’t be hurt, your mother’s feelings won’t be hurt and you’ll get the music you want. 

Post # 119
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@GamersBride:  She sounds like a spoilt girl who doesn’t deserve to be your bridesmaid! Use your songs, it is your special day.

Post # 120
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee

@Sassygrn:  “Wow your sister sounds like an immature brat. Use the songs, since you know you are getting married and shes not even in a relationship

+1.

How utterly pathetic.

You are getting married in 30 days, your sister is 18 and not in a relationship – use the songs you love.

Post # 121
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, I should have read your update before posting and now that I have…

@soontobemrsm11:  “I get where you’re coming from but I guess I wouldn’t even be worried about her not showing up. It’s the happiest day of MY life…yes, I love my sister. But if she was behaving like a spoiled little brat, I would not miss her at my wedding. If you’re doing it for your sanity, that’s fine. But in her mind, she’s won. & she WILL fight you over the next thing, and the thing after that because she got her way this time. You’re paving the road for future drama instead of stopping it now.

+1.

Seriously.

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