(Closed) Vent, not in a good place today

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@LucyLaLa: If my FH said “95%” you can bet that I would swot him. Who says something like that? Well, I’m 95% sure that I don’t want you dead. Gee? Thanks?

 

I would just outright tell him you need some time to think about this relationship. And emphasize that it isn’t even about getting married…it’s just about your day to day lives together.

Post # 4
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

@strawberryavalanche: I agree- I think you two need some time and take a breather- think about things and see what direction your relationship will be going in. 🙁

Good luck girly!

Post # 5
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2012

oh no, that does sound like a tough time. when my Fiance and i have our bad days and the big things along with the teeny tiny things start to get to me, i make an extra effort to use the “I feel…” statements. corny? yes. but it works alot! 

the 95% certainty thing would have really hurt my feelings too. i hope it gets better soon! we know time won’t guarantee things getting easier since relationships have their ups and downs, but if you feel you are trying too hard for the partnership, taking some time to reflect could be really beneficial for both of you!

Post # 6
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My bf and I had a similar fight a few months back…  I felt like I was doing all the work, I felt so exhausted that he wasn’t even trying.  At one point in our argument he said, “If I proposed to you tomorrow, what would you even say?”  And I told him, “I’d say no and that you should return the ring.”  OUCH!  I am a cold woman lol.  But in all seriousness, we were NOT ready to get engaged at that point.

A week or so after that blowout, we had another one similar to it where he said, “I don’t know what YOU want, but I know what I want, I’m 100% sure what I want.  I want to marry you and start a family and start our lives together.  End of story.”  Again, at that point, we still weren’t ready to take that step.  We ended up discussing things we wanted changed in the relationship.  Because as unhappy as I was with him, he was just as frustrated about certain things with ME!  So we both had stuff to work on, ya know?

Fast forward to now.  Things aren’t perfect, but they’re BETTER.  We’ve grown emotionally as a couple, we’re stronger.  We’re discussing engagement and weddings and all that, and I feel like we’re ready now.  But if YOU are not ready yet, if you feel your relationship isn’t where it NEEDS to be in order to move to the next step, DO NOT COMMIT!!  Take some time away (I took a week away from Boyfriend or Best Friend to sort through what I needed/wanted out of our relationship), think about what you both can do to improve the situation, and tell your Boyfriend or Best Friend to do the same.  Then come back to each other and see if you can make the changes to make it work.

It wasn’t fun, it was nervewracking and annoying (since all myy friends were getting engaged at that time and my relationship seemed to be circling the drain).  But in the end, we made a lot of progress.  I know where you’re at right now, I’ve been there.  You just wanna curl up in a ball and cry your eyes out.  Also, him saying he’s 95% sure isn’t very reassuring hahaha.  Though I think that final 5% is him willing to make a commitment…. Men are weird like that.

I know this was a horribly long response, but I hope it helps some.  All the best to you, feel free to keep venting!!  And GOOD LUCK!  xoxo

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