Post # 1
Boyfriend or Best Friend and I spent just about all weekend fighting. Friday night, we watched a movie, then we fought. Saturday we went to dog training, I went to a wedding, then we fought in the afternoon and on the way to a friend’s birthday party which we ended up skipping because everything between us was too dramatic. Sunday we spent apart because we both had plans. In the evening he sweetly walked to the train station to walk me home…and then we fought. I slept in our guest bed last night and didn’t say goodnight. This morning as I was on my way to work he said he noticed I was being antisocial. It’s so stressful for me to interact with him right now. We both love each other but after so much intense discussion and feelings I just need some time away from him.
It’s hard to say what we’re even fighting about – it’s everything & nothing at all. He thought we were fighting about getting married & I told him I wasn’t even sure I want to marry him at this point. The next day he said he was 95% sure he wanted to marry me, and I think he was surprised it didn’t end the fight. I guess usually when he says something like that I get all excited at the idea and drop the fight. I was like, you can say you’re 95% sure, but the next 5% could take 7 years (and I didn’t say, “besides, I’m not that excited about marrying you at the moment”).
I told him I have tried too hard in our relationship and I’m tired of trying. I want things in our relationship to just be easy after all this time. But when I stop trying they get even harder.
Post # 3
@LucyLaLa: If my FH said “95%” you can bet that I would swot him. Who says something like that? Well, I’m 95% sure that I don’t want you dead. Gee? Thanks?
I would just outright tell him you need some time to think about this relationship. And emphasize that it isn’t even about getting married…it’s just about your day to day lives together.
Post # 4
@strawberryavalanche: I agree- I think you two need some time and take a breather- think about things and see what direction your relationship will be going in. 🙁
Good luck girly!
Post # 5
oh no, that does sound like a tough time. when my Fiance and i have our bad days and the big things along with the teeny tiny things start to get to me, i make an extra effort to use the “I feel…” statements. corny? yes. but it works alot!
the 95% certainty thing would have really hurt my feelings too. i hope it gets better soon! we know time won’t guarantee things getting easier since relationships have their ups and downs, but if you feel you are trying too hard for the partnership, taking some time to reflect could be really beneficial for both of you!
Post # 6
My bf and I had a similar fight a few months back… I felt like I was doing all the work, I felt so exhausted that he wasn’t even trying. At one point in our argument he said, “If I proposed to you tomorrow, what would you even say?” And I told him, “I’d say no and that you should return the ring.” OUCH! I am a cold woman lol. But in all seriousness, we were NOT ready to get engaged at that point.
A week or so after that blowout, we had another one similar to it where he said, “I don’t know what YOU want, but I know what I want, I’m 100% sure what I want. I want to marry you and start a family and start our lives together. End of story.” Again, at that point, we still weren’t ready to take that step. We ended up discussing things we wanted changed in the relationship. Because as unhappy as I was with him, he was just as frustrated about certain things with ME! So we both had stuff to work on, ya know?
Fast forward to now. Things aren’t perfect, but they’re BETTER. We’ve grown emotionally as a couple, we’re stronger. We’re discussing engagement and weddings and all that, and I feel like we’re ready now. But if YOU are not ready yet, if you feel your relationship isn’t where it NEEDS to be in order to move to the next step, DO NOT COMMIT!! Take some time away (I took a week away from Boyfriend or Best Friend to sort through what I needed/wanted out of our relationship), think about what you both can do to improve the situation, and tell your Boyfriend or Best Friend to do the same. Then come back to each other and see if you can make the changes to make it work.
It wasn’t fun, it was nervewracking and annoying (since all myy friends were getting engaged at that time and my relationship seemed to be circling the drain). But in the end, we made a lot of progress. I know where you’re at right now, I’ve been there. You just wanna curl up in a ball and cry your eyes out. Also, him saying he’s 95% sure isn’t very reassuring hahaha. Though I think that final 5% is him willing to make a commitment…. Men are weird like that.
I know this was a horribly long response, but I hope it helps some. All the best to you, feel free to keep venting!! And GOOD LUCK! xoxo
Post # 8
@Big Truck: It was a wonderfully long response. Thanks to all of you for your support.