Vent: Not looking forward to wedding day

posted 4 months ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I totally get how you feel! My wedding was just a couple weeks ago, and my fiance and I were both kind of eager to get it over with for the month leading up to it! We both wanted a big, fancy wedding (which is what we had) and we knew we would have a good time on the day and were looking forward to being married to each other.

However, all the tiny last-minute decisions and issues that popped up towards the end of the planning process (whether or not to invite so-and-so, dealing with my mom obsessing over minute things, arguing with my mom over seating charts, making some last-minute changes to the ceremony script, etc. etc. etc!!) really stressed us to our limits, and we both said we couldn’t wait until this was over.

The planning all ended up being worth it. We had a perfect day that went as planned, we and our guests had a wonderful time, and we will remember our wedding day fondly for the rest of our lives. That said, we woke up the next day feeling like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders. We knew we were stressed, but we hadn’t even realized just how much until it was all finally over!

Hopefully it will be the same for you! Try not to sweat the small stuff and just focus on being happy about getting married and having fun on your day. I’m sure it will feel great waking up and being married the next morning!


Post # 17
2656 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry that you fiance put you in this awkward position.  Unfortunately, I think he is going to have to suck it up and deal with the consequences of not communicating his feelings about this person to you sooner.

I hope that you can enjoy your special day and that your fiance can act like and adult around your friend.

Post # 18
144 posts
Blushing bee

 mel2 :  I understand 100% how you feel. I wanted a simple private ceremony for very similar reasons. I have my daughter but no other close family. They are all toxic and very disfunctional. My husband wanted a more traditional wedding. We agreed on a tiny wedding like you. Originally  it was 7 people but we increased it to 14. I was feeling resentful that his family was acting like they had a right to have more people because they were family. I was so stressed out that I started having headaches and sleeping problems. My husband was not helping with the planning at all. Finally I handed him my folder wedding planning and told him to finish planning. He finally realized how much work was involved. His brother wanted to bring his 17 year old son and I said no. His sister was hinting that one of a daughters wanted to come and I said no. Why? because first she only wanted a free vacation because she knew that her mom would pay for her and second she would have to bring her husband and daughter.  Second there are five nieces and nephews and three nieces have husbands and children. So if we invite one we have to invite them all. 

This is about you and your fiancé and people need to get over their sense of entitlement. His father had no business inviting anyone to the wedding. My Mother-In-Law tried to do the same thing.  That was also shut down. Your fiancé needs to stress that they can’t come. Don’t JADE: justify, argue, defend or explain. I was firm and no nonsense and my husband understood and respected that we had to compromise and realize that we can’t please everyone. He got his traditional wedding and I got my small intimate wedding.

As far as your family friend your fiancé needs to act like an adult and be a gracious host. Your wedding day should be joyous. I am assuming that he would want you to be cordial to one of his family members even if you may not like them. I don’t like my husbands brother but was gracious to him. We had a wonderful wedding.

Wishing you a wonderful wedding day.



Post # 19
458 posts
Helper bee

You could go Gilmore Girls style and just elope secretly by yourselves a few days before so the wedding can be a little more stress free and no one will know! 🙂

Post # 20
8308 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Don’t do as pp above suggests. I doubt your fi would agree, if he did he has already shown himself to be the grudge holding type and would prob hold it against you that you made him do it. And finally, when his family finds they were deceived it will NOt enhance your status with them , and that would be sad. 

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