(Closed) Vent on cohabitation.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Some days it is so difficult to share your space.  Are you fairly new at this?  Mr. L and I have been living together for 2.5 years now.  It was horrible for the first year!!!  Somewhere along the line we adapted to our roles in our home and I can’t imagine living without him!  Our biggest issue is always cleaning.  He is working and in medical school, so he doesn’t have much time to help me around the house.  I feel like a maid most of the time, but he helps out in other ways.  I think the worst part was discovering how gross guys are—Mr. L sweats like a pig in his sleep and I hate that I am always washing our linens (or buying new ones)! Dirty beds are so disgusting, I refuse to let his sleep sweat win!  (***GROSS***)

Post # 5
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Why doesn’t he want to hang the paintings if they are already in the room along the floor?

Post # 7
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

When Mr. L gets like that I call him Castro.   No room for dictators in a marriage, no matter who pays the bills!  Good luck babe! 

Post # 8
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It was horrible and chaotic initially moving in–our methodologies are completely different and we both hated the other’s way of doing things.  I am into details, and he’s very much a big picture person.  Like with the kitchen, I wanted to clean all the shelves, line them, and then carefully organize how I wanted things set up, but he just wanted every box marked “kitchen” opened up and the contents shoved anywhere they fit so long as they were unpacked.  He was adamant that my way was a complete waste of time and illogical, and I refused put anything on dirty surfaces or unpack haphazardly only to have to redo it again at a later time.  Ugliness! 

He also freaked out when he saw how many clothes I have.  I take up at least 90% of our relatively large walk-in closet and have a dresser all to myself.  The real issue of that was finances and how we spent our money.  He thought I wasted way too much money on clothes, and I felt that Mr. jet ski/boat/Corvette owner had no room to talk about spending money. 

Many fights and lots of compromise later, I think we’re getting the hang of it.  πŸ™‚  Seriously though, there is nothing better than getting off work and knowing that I get to see him every day. 

Post # 9
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

@ Paz- I hear you there!!! Hubs was so frustrated when we moved into our new house in September (like we had it built new…) I refused to put anything away without wiping all the cupboards out and washing all the dishes. He has pretty much gotten used to it now, but it still makes him crazy.

I think the biggest thing is being able to compromise. It’s pretty crazy that he said “that’s where they are staying” what about how you feel? I mean…what if you bump one and the glass breaks? Hubs made me put all the pictures away until we get the walls painted because I refuse to hang anything until the painting is done. He just doesn’t want anything to happen to our pictures.

Once you live together past a year it gets a little easier. the longer you live together the easier it gets. πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have been married for 30 years. Hubster and I are completely different personalities. He’s conservative, I’m a rebel. I like to fix things, he runs away screaming at the sight of a screwdriver. I have learned and accepted that I will never change him. I can only change the way I react to the situation. My advice? Stay true to yourself and be assertive but always be ready to compromise. Ask for their input before vocalizing your own. (men have strange egos) Hubster finally got over his “I’m the man” way of thinking and now we have a mutual consideration of each other’s way of doing things. Remember that marriage is a work in progress, every single day, and some days it feels like more work than it’s worth. It’s those moments when your heart is filled with the wonder of him, and your love of each other, that makes it all worth it.

Post # 11
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The first YEAR of living together is hard, so hang in there.  Fiance and I have been living together for four years now and I would never ever ever wish to re-live that first year again.  My only advice is patience and pick your battles. 

Post # 12
Member
19 posts
Newbee

We’ve lived together for a year or so now, and overall it’s gone very smoothly.  We both make a huge effort to be easygoing–this is easier for him and harder for me.  We also joke about our foibles rather than getting upset about them.  I find that this diffuses any possible disputes and allows us to openly discuss our differences rather than allowing them to cause conflicts.

BUT… Living together can be hard!  Sigh.  Guess it’s just the way it is.

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Lol yeah M and I are a lot a like and actually spent a LOT of time together before we lived together but when it was official man was it HARD!!! The kids fought all the time, M and my son didn’t get along well, his daughter and I didn’t get along well.  It was crazy… But now it’s smooth sailing, I definitely say it’s growing pains and it too shall pass.  However if I had to go through all of this when we were married I probably would have gotten it annulled or always doubted our relationship.  For some reason it was easier to work it out knowing that I could leave at any second or that we were choosing to be together, not forced to be together (via marriage)… I know that doesn’t make sense to a lot of people but for us it made perfect sense.  Now marriage will only be an extension of something that is mostly great and smooth sailing!

Post # 14
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@mmmtacos – you have no idea how many paintings we have that are leaned up against a wall!!! I think I ask like once a week for them to be hung~!!! One of them finally (after 5 months of living in our current place) got hung! Who knows how long it will be til the next one! Living together can be difficult, but its all about good communication. Knowing what to say, how to say things and when to say them is really important. GOod luck! Im sure after not too long you will love having your boyfriend or future fiance!!! πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we’ve been living together for almost 3 years now – AND we are legally married and own our own home…and yet STILL we fight over things in the house. it’s natural – everyone does…our biggest thing is cleaning – but it’s opposite in that he’s a serious clean freak and I’m a lot more relaxed when it comes to cleaning! lol

Plus there’s certain things I want to do such as put up picture frames or candles on the wall in the living room that he does NOT want anything on (the wall behind the tv – c’mon it’s EMPTY! πŸ™

I understand, though, your freelings of “it was technically HIS home first – HE’S the one paying for everything…do I really have any say?…” well – I would say yes. he invited you to live with him – right? you BOTH live there now and you BOTH need to be respectful of what each other wants. it’s hard – especially if one is more stubborn than the other – but try sitting down and setting boundries and comprimising on certain things…

ie – if he’ll let you put up his paintings, on the WALL where they belong…you can comprimise and do something he wants you to do!

all I can say is good luck!

Post # 16
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Girl, hang those paintings at least – once they’re up on the wall, he’ll say (to himself, probably) that they look nice, and wonder why he didn’t do it sooner.  Trust me!  When my husband and I first started living together, I didn’t have a job, and then when i had one was not getting paid much.  I felt like I didn’t have a say in the house, but that was in my head.  Once he told me flat out that I can make house decisions too, and that he’d appreciate it.  Maybe you could talk with your SO and test the waters – the whole time I was treading lightly in “his” home, he wanted me to be the boss of the house, haha.

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