(Closed) VENT on FMIL

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do.....
    Would you let it go and ignore it (even if its not the first time)? : (10 votes)
    22 %
    Let your FH handle his mother on his own? : (17 votes)
    38 %
    Sit down together and talk to his mother? : (9 votes)
    20 %
    The next time she says something, JUST GO OFF ON HER? : (9 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Ok… you said you “do not want to have 5 additions on our house over the years” so what exactly is your plan when you have children? I currently live in a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom condo (with a garage) and it is JUST big enough for Fiance and I. We wouldn’t even consider having a child here (and our condo is over 1000 sq. ft.). With that said, everyones different and I know alot of people who have children in a 2 bedroom apartment but I dont know anyone who has 3 kids in that small of a space.

    To be honest, I agree with your Future Mother-In-Law. Purchasing 17 acres of land and building an apartment on it seems like a waste. Have you considered a pre-fab? You would be able to get an actual house for the price of building your apartment.

    For the record, I didn’t vote because you didn’t offer a “I wouldn’t build the apartment” option. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Going off on someone is a sign of immaturity, and doing so with your Mother-In-Law is REALLY a bad idea because it puts your SO in the middle. IT just doesn’t solve anything.

    MHO, you are adult, just do what you want and forget about what she says.

    Post # 6
    Member
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I live somewhere that a 2-bedroom apartment of 1,000 sq ft is plenty big for a child. I also don’t understand the appeal of 17 acres of land? Why not buy less land and go ahead and build a house?

    Post # 8
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    I can understand where your Mother-In-Law is coming from.  Three kids in one bedroom is a lot!  Unless that room is very large and they have some space of their own.  I have 4 kids and I cannot imagine the three of them sharing a room!  Unless that one room were the size of 3 standard bedrooms!  lol! 

    You say you can’t build your dream home because of money.  However, what would the difference really be between building a 4 bedroom house or a “double” apartment?  Are you counting on rent to be able to afford the apartment once it’s built?  Because it isn’t always easy finding a good tennant. 

    And, really – adding onto a house isn’t that bad.  When we bought our house, we made sure we could add onto it if necessary.  If your house is designed properly (structurally) to begin with, isn’t that difficult.  We added two rooms (upper and lower) onto our house and you would never know if we didn’t tell you. 

    I think your Mother-In-Law probably has your best interests at hand and doesn’t want to see you miserable living in a 2 bedroom apartment with no room.  If you were one of my children, I’d probably be stating those exact same concerns, I’m sure. 

    Oh, and not to mention potential issues you can have with tennants. 

    What to do with your MIL?  Listen to her advice!  And, tell her you’ll take it into consideration.  Just nod your head and say “We’ll take that into consideration.”  I would treat her the same way you’d want your kids to treat you if you were telling them your thoughts.

    Adding – you’re not building for 3-7 years?  Lots might change between now and then, so tell your Mother-In-Law that you’re contemplating your options and nothing is set in stone.  Why even worry about this since you’re not starting for a long time yet? 

    Post # 9
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @crayfish: But big enough for 3? If we had one child our condo would be big enough if Fiance didn’t require a home office. I don’t think he or our future child would appreciate sharing the space. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Can you clarify for me – you don’t have three kids now right?

    Post # 13
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @BrookeClouser: Then I see no problem. Tell Future Mother-In-Law that you two are adults and have thought it out, and it’s your life, if it comes up again. Wouldn’t confront her on purpose, just be prepared to explain it and leave it at that.

    The topic ‘VENT on FMIL’ is closed to new replies.

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