Post # 1
waiting bees like myself that are starting to plan, have a wedding date, maybe even looking into venues and other details are commonly told on these boards “if you have a date, you’re engaged, ring or not.” and it makes me soooo flippin angry! It’s unique to every couple, and no one should decide someone else’s title.
Personally, my SO and I have visited venues, have a date, and have a few other ideas forming about wedding things, but I’m still not engaged because he hasn’t asked me to be his wife! Is it coming? Yes. Am I engaged? No. what happened to being supportive? When I see someone tell me or others that I’m engaged, it isn’t relevant to the topic, and kind of seems rude. Am I the only one who gets annoyed with other people telling me my relationship status?
Post # 3
You saying you’re not engaged is like saying you can be “a little bit pregnant”.
You’re either engaged…. which means you are actively planning to get married. Or you are NOT engaged. In which case you shouldn’t be actively planning to get married.
People are probably confused about your “status” because you are ACTING like you are engaged.
If you don’t want people to think you are engaged then don’t do all the things people who are engaged do….. which is PLAN the wedding as opposed to DREAM about the wedding. There is a difference.
Post # 4
Yeah I agree with @3xaCharm. If you have made the desicion with your SO to get married, and are actively planning a wedding, you’re engaged. Regardless if you have a ring or not, you’re not dating and you’re not married yet. You obviously made the choice to get married with your SO.
I think if you’re gonna be upset about people calling you engaged, stop doing ‘engaged’ things, which involves planning a wedding.
Post # 5
OP: You can define engagement however you want. But you should realize that regardless of what you consider yourself, you do fit most people’s definition of being engaged.
And IMO it’s kind of silly to say that you’re not engaged because he hasn’t asked you. Obviously he has asked you in some way or at least you both have agreed to get married, even if it hasn’t been a formal proposal.
Post # 6
@3xaCharm: +1, if you don’t want people to say you’re engaged, don’t act engaged?
Post # 7
When people who aren’t formally engaged start talking about what wedding plans they have made, my first thought is ‘oh please’ and my second thought is ‘you sound a little crazy’.
Also, stop talking to people about your wedding plans until you are actually engaged. You run the risk of no-one being terribly excited when you tell them, because you’ve already talked about it so much.
Post # 8
I agree with the OP mostly,but, if you put a down payment on a venue, then you might as well be engaged. Sorry.
Post # 9
“Personally, my SO and I have visited venues, have a date, and have a few other ideas forming about wedding things…”
To me, having a date, scouting venues, planning a wedding etc is something we did once we were engaged. If a friend was doing this, I would automatically assume that she was engaged.
Post # 10
Isn’t the actual definition of “engaged” something like “to bind, as by pledge, promise, contract, or oath?”
You’ve already agreed that you will marry, that’s what an engagement really is, an announcement to the world that you WILL marry!
Post # 11
Yeah, I have to agree with the general consensus here. You may not be “formally” engaged, but you’re engaged.
Post # 12
@HopingtobeeMrsV: I agree, every couple is different and the only thing (in my opinion) that can make you engaged is if both memebers of the couple agree to be engaged. I think a lot of times there is an informal agreement to get married before a formal agreement to be engaged, so just both wanting to get married wouldn’t make you engaged necessarily. Some people plan together before the engagement, some have a ring and proposal and aren’t planning a damn thing, there’s all different combinations but you are the only ones who can determine your own relationship status- and I don’t know what anyone gains from trying to tell you otherwise.
Post # 13
@MabelleBliss: People may gain nothing, and likely they dont expect to gain anything, but if my friends were planning to marry and researching things together as a couple, in my mind that is engaged. Not only that, when they officially annoucnce it I will likely be less excited because to me they already reached that step.
The point of a ring, in part, is a statement to the public about your status. If your public, your friends, already assume something because of your actions, it doesnt render the ring pointless, but lowers its importance in its declaration of status.
Post # 14
So question.. What happens if you plan the whole wedding and a formal proposal doesn’t come? This isn’t directed at the OP necessarily, but to anyone who considers themselves planning without actually “being engaged.” It’s a little silly to be planning a wedding, picking a date, putting deposits down and to be telling people you aren’t engaged yet. If I had a friend doing that I would think it was a little off.
Actually, no, I wouldn’t think it was a little off. I’d think the couple either has a huge lack of communication or the girl was so desperate that she couldn’t wait for an actual proposal to begin going wedding-crazy.
Post # 15
Sorry, if you have a date (aka an engagement) for a wedding, you are engaged to be married.
Thats the definition of engaged. An engagement is a formal word for a plan to do something/be somewhere.
If he hasn’t actually asked you, why is there so much planning happening?
If you don’t want people to say you’re engaged, either stop planning, or don’t tell people you’re planning… because otherwise you’re trying to redefine a pretty solidly defined word, and you cant expect people to get that…
Post # 16
I wonder how OP feels about this now…?