(Closed) Vent: other people telling waiting bees that we're engaged!?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yep. Sorry OP, but if you are actively planning a wedding with the awareness and support of your significant other then you will be viewed as engaged. 

If you aren’t (engaged), then stop planning until you are- that will fix the confusion right up!

Post # 18
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@star_dust:  all joking aside, myself and a group of my friends had to hold an intervention of sorts for a friend who was doing this… she was in denial, the guy had said over and over again he never wanted to get married again (he’d already been divorced twice), but she would laugh it off and say he was just trying to trick her so she’d be surprised. It was HEARTBREAKING. But hearing it from all of us, she finally confronted him and he said he really, seriously, was never going to marry her. She finally left.  She has a $2000 wedding dress in her mom’s house now…  🙁 

Post # 19
Member
3665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I get what you’re saying. People saying “if you do x, it means you’re already engaged” kind of takes away from the specialness of the proposal, or whatever that moment is that you get to call him your fiance instead of your boyfriend.

Post # 22
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@3xaCharm:  +another 1. Your “1s” are beginning to add up fast.

Post # 23
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@HopingtobeeMrsV:  you just said you haven’t told a soul about any of your wedding plans.

So how, may I ask, can you be sick of people talking about how you’re engaged if you’re not saying anything?

Post # 24
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Oh, and no-one here is defining your relationship (nor, I’m sorry to say would anyone care unless they are a personal friend/family). You’re the one who is bringing the attention to it and opening it up for discussion.

Post # 25
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@HopingtobeeMrsV:  I don’t think anyone is trying to define your relationship. I think people tend to use common definitions of words. Like “engaged” means actively planning to get married, and that looking at venues and choosing dates is pretty active, and active planning.

I mean, this isn’t really an issue anyone needs to argue about – if you don’t want people to assume you’re engaged to be married, hold off on planning a wedding.

Post # 26
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

Who cares what others say to you?

IRL, I do not talk to people who piss me off.
I’m sure you don’t, either.
So why keep entertaining and arguing with people who don’t matter? 

Post # 27
Member
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You said…

Personally, my SO and I have visited venues, have a date, and have a few other ideas forming about wedding things, but I’m still not engaged because he hasn’t asked me to be his wife! Is it coming? Yes. Am I engaged? No. what happened to being supportive? When I see someone tell me or others that I’m engaged, it isn’t relevant to the topic, and kind of seems rude. Am I the only one who gets annoyed with other people telling me my relationship status?

Sorry, but PUREST definitions of the word “Engaged” are…

  • Involved in Activity – Occupied Busy
  • Pledged to be Married – Betrothed
  • Greatly Interested – Committed

So… if one is Busily Occupied in Planning a Wedding, and Committed to their Betrothed… then essentially you are ENGAGED at all possible levels.

Planning a Wedding = Engaged

Doesn’t matter if you have a ring or not (lots of folks don’t have E-Rings ONLY W-Bands)

IF he is on board with the Planning (agrees on The Date etc) then you are indeed Engaged.

Now whether he’ll actually get down on one knee and propose before the Wedding Date, or buy you a ring are a whole other matter… you need to ask him about that.

But as it stands NOW…

If you are both ok with planning a Wedding… then you are Engaged.

IF it is just you… who is doing research, making plans, and looking at venues, then you are “day dreaming” to the extreme (actively busy)… and that isn’t healthy, and often filled with heartbreak.

No one wants to annoy or offend you… but you DESERVE to be told the truth, so you can look at the situation clearly for what it truly is.

Either you are ENGAGED IN PLANNING A WEDDING… or you aren’t engaged.  Plain & simple.

 

Post # 28
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Gonna have to agree with the others. If you have a date and are planning the wedding, you’re engaged. I’m technically engaged, though we’re pretending we’re not until Christmas so he can officially ask my parents for permission (had to declare a date for job related reasons. Totally ruined his surprise proposal plans).  If someone asks me, I’m not going to say “Oh we’re not engaged.”

Post # 30
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I get the impression that her problem isn’t whether she is considered to be engaged or not, her problem is other people commenting on whether she is engaged or not and whether that entitles her to start planning.

Simple solution. Stop talking about it! I read some of your other posts and you start them all the same ‘I’m not engaged yet but…”

Every woman on this board, engaged or not has thought ‘oh I’d like that for my wedding’ or has an idea of what style dress they might like- it doesn’t mean they go yabbering about it at any given opportunity!

Post # 31
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@HopingtobeeMrsV:  I am really disappointed with a lot of bees on here today. 

This logic doesn’t pan out at all to me.

If two people live together, have pets together, maybe even have kids together, or own a house together… (essentially “playing house” for lack of a better term) does that mean they are married?!? They are acting like they are married, so they are married, right? Ready to tell your SO that you are already married bc you are acting married?

Wrong!! Pretty sure that would make some bees all kinds of upset!  People aren’t married until they have some kind of ceremony, say the magic words, and sign a license. 

Engagements are the same way.  People aren’t engaged until one partner proposes and the other accepts. Some people may consider that a formality, but that’s how it works.

To be engaged is to promise to marry someone, not being “busy or preoccupied.” OP hasn’t promised to marry anyone, nothing has been booked, they are essentially window shopping. And when OP’s SO proposes, do you think she is going to say- “why are you proposing we are already engaged.” nope- she isnt engaged until they make that promise bc those magic words are special!  i bet no man considers himself engaged in this situation, btw.  Tons of bees discuss possible dates. 

 

 

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