(Closed) Vent: other people telling waiting bees that we're engaged!?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

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@HisNightOwl2014:   i dont know about all this talk about well i dont have a ring “we” have decided against it. please what girl dosent want a ring or some symbol of the marriage commitment


He wanted to get me a ring. I wasn’t even fussed. Don’t get me wrong, I do love it. But I was never too sold on the whole idea. I don’t need a materilistic item to prove to the world I’m engaged. I’ve got friends that married about 3 years ago. No engagement ring and no wedding bands. Their response? We don’t need that to make us anymore married. 

Post # 63
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

a ring is just a piece of metal and/or a stone. if you have a date set and are actively planning a wedding, then of course people are going to assume your enagaged. if you don’t want people to say that, then stop telling them about it.

Post # 64
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@HisNightOwl2014:  Some people don’t wear jewelry.  Or are from cultures that don’t do the ring thing.  Or just don’t want a ring for whatever reason.  If they say they’re engaged and are planning a wedding, they are no less engaged that a couple who did the “down on one knee with a giant diamond” thing.

Post # 65
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@HisNightOwl2014:  Where I live most people don’t do engagement rings, and a number don’t do wedding rings either. A friend of mine wanted an engagement ring, so she went out and bought one! Does this make their engagements and marriagers invalid?

It is really easy to judge a custom, without looking at reasons why. Yes, there are girls out there who are different from you and don’t want a ring, or have another reason for not having a ring. As I stated above, I believe you are engaged when you define your relationship as engaged. I see you as married when you define your relationship as married, not through the determination of some other party who judges the validity of your relationship on a hunk of minerals.

Post # 66
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@mrs.stormylove:   + 1

 

I actually agree with the OP… There was another thread recently where the OP had a bf who was telling everyone they are not engaged and did not want to plan anything for a wedding, even though they’d bought a ring together in a store. I was suprised to see so many  Bees telling her they are engaged and she should go ahead and plan on her own. Ahhh…..to me, if the guy is insisting you aren’t engaged, then you aren’t engaged- pure and simple.

Post # 67
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee

To me, it is all just talk until the ring is on your finger.

Post # 68
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww I’m sorry. What a hassle

Post # 69
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

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@HeartsandSparkles:  +1

 

and for the record, OP, my SO and I are in the same boat. We watch Four Weddings, Bridezilla, My Fair Wedding together, andwe talk all the time about what we want. Yes, we have a date! But until the “official” proposal, we are planning a party on that date, not yet a wedding. Haha. 

 

It’s funny how we turn to Weddingbee looking for an outlet of like-minded people so we don’t have to talk to our fam/friends until it is official, and it ends up being some Bees who are the snarkiest. 

Post # 70
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

And if people are against signing up on a wedding site when they are not yet engaged, why is there an entire “waiting” section on Weddingbee? Are none of the waiting bees entitled to sign up here until they have an official engagement?

Post # 71
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

I feel like this post was intended (to an extent) to start drama.

 

If you are planning a wedding, you’re engaged.

If you are making a board on pinterest about a wedding you’d like, you’re day dreaming.

Post # 72
Member
6003 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@BookGirrl:  thats a bit different though than the OP’s guy who (from what I can tell anyway, even though it hasn’t been said I dont think) seems to be on board with planning. Thats different than being in denial that a ring is an actual engagement ring and the guy is completely against marriage altogether. Thats not really a good example IMO.

OP, if you are planning a wedding actively, than you are engaged to be married. If you aren’t than what may I ask are you? dating and planning your wedding? isn’t that engaged? assuming you are both ok with actively planning and he’s in on it all, thats an unspoked agreement to get married. It makes no sense to me to be looking at venues and stuff and then get upset when people think you are engaged. what are you, planning to plan then? doing research together? if you are at that stage it seems to me that you two have already agreed to get married. thats engaged.

Post # 73
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This might be a mute point now but…

You can be what ever you want to be. If you don’t think you’re engaged yet, you’re not engaged.

The problem you seem to have is that people are assuming you’re engaged even though you’re not. But this atypical behaviour is throwing people off. So you can’t really blame them for thinking or forcing this opinion that you must be engaged.

My only advice is to not worry about what they think. They’re not your friends or family. They are people on the internet! If you don’t want to listen to them, don’t.

Sounds a little hypocritical, huh. I’m just a person on the internet. So if you don’t like my opinion, I don’t mind. Just don’t listen to me 🙂

Keep your chin up.

Post # 74
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@HopingtobeeMrsV:  Me and my Fiance talked about marriage tons, before we actually got engaged. What we didn’t do is start discussing dates for our wedding and looking at venues together. I’m sorry, but once you start doing those things together, and actively planning, deposits down or not, then you’re engaged.

Prior to engagement we had discussed times of year we would both prefer to have a wedding, we discussed rings I liked, we discussed children. Not once did we go out together and look at or inquire about venues. Me and my Maid/Matron of Honor did go out and gather information after he had already bought the ring, but that was for me to look at, Fiance never saw any of that stuff until after he actually proposed. When my Maid/Matron of Honor and I were going out gathering information, it was still the dreaming stage.

You and your Fiance going out together to see venues, pick a wedding date, discuss wedding details, that is engaged.

Post # 75
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Pokemon:  I’m with you on this one.

Post # 76
Member
5426 posts
Bee Keeper

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@StephanieElise: I am not against those who are waiting and who are signing up on a wedding website but… actively planning while “waiting” is confusing to those who are engaged and actively planning… there’s a difference! 

You can be waiting for a proposal, but not actively setting a date for your wedding with your SO and going to see venues together. If I was a venue co-ordinator and a couple shows up to take a tour for their wedding that is planned (let’s say September 24, 2013) but are not engaged… would certainly make me think they are not serious, and are wasting my time.

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