Post # 1
I have a feeling that my venting posts are going to get more and more frequent the closer we get to the wedding. I wish my mum would just be happy for us. I don’t know if I even know the difference between what we actually want and what I want to spite her. Fortunately Fiance is very supportive.
And I feel so sorry for my brothers who have already gone through this. During the planning process of both their weddings she said at one point or another “this isn’t my son who I have known for # years, F/SIL has changed him”.
We finally announced our engagement yesterday (FI did a formal proposal – yay) and there are already heated email exhanges being sent between my parents, my dad is abroad and their marriage is rocky to say the least. So I’m being forwarded messages… Their guest list is one thing which I have mentioned before on here and am hoping they’ll be able to resolve like grown ups, the food we are choosing to serve is another. She is making me question everything.
We’re thinking venison, which I appreciate isn’t beef or chicken, but we are planning on a vegetarian alternative for people who want something more standard (possibly a rissotto). Having another choice is an option but will cost a lot more as the caterers will have to bring an extra chef in. FI and I went through the pros and cons every type of meat and fish before settling on something we feel will be a bit of an all rounder. Of the 10 or so family members I have spoken to (including my very fussy sister in law) only my mum has objected. I can’t please everyone but I think two options means that everyone should get something they can eat. I have the opinion that if these people were coming for dinner I wouldn’t cook lots of different meals, I’d pick one.
Thanks for reading and letting me moan. Again.
Post # 2
One thing I’ll add about the venison is I’m a very open-minded eater. I eat from all cuisines and I’m not fussy. I’d eat the venison but wouldn’t be thrilled. Chicken and beef are safe options.
Post # 3
missviolet92 : initially we were going to do beef but we actually decided against it in part because of my mum. I eat beef blue, but I know my mum likes it well done. A middle ground like medium means neither Fiance or I will eat it. I know my preference is unusual and in this instance I wouldn’t mind the vegetarian option but Fiance would be disappointed. I do want to look forward to the food so it’s finding a balance between something exciting and special enough for us as well as something our guests will enjoy. FIs favourite meal is fish but I know a lot of our guests don’t eat fish and a couple if family members are allergic to shellfish.
Post # 4
Venison is a strange choice. If you really can’t do a third option, I would do chicken and vegetarian.
Post # 5
I personally love venison, but I know a lot of people who won’t touch it. Too many Bambi movies as kids, I imagine, though hunted venison is often far more humane than farmed meat. My advice to you, if you decide to serve the vension, would be to have a very hearty and accessible vegetarian option. Maybe not risotto, unless you can find one that avoid common dislikes such as mushrooms (a big ingredient in a lot of risottos). A vegetarian lasagne might be a safer choice. Or an eggplant parm, so it’s not quite as starch-based as the other options.
Post # 6
I think venison is amazing and hey – there’s a vegetarian choice, too. If people bitch about wanting meat but not venison: tough luck. If they really hate venison, they’ll survive not getting meat on one day of the year.
I do agree with xiexie though: I think risotto is not the best choice you could make, also because it doesn’t present nicely on a plate. Lasagna is much better, I think. Or you could offer vegetables stuffed with rice or couscous in a nice sauce. In Austria and Germany there are also some lovely dishes for which you make dumplings from dry breadrolls and add spinach and cheese to them. You get bright green balls of goodness, that taste fab with a tomato sauce and are quite filling.
Stick to your ideas, they are really not unreasonable at all.
Post # 7
ladyartichoke : yeah, sorry Bee, but venison is really out there. And then alternatively risotto? Hmmm… don’t want to make you insecure but I would rethink that perhaps.
Offer a vegetarian option (and really, there are so many lovely, uncomplicated vegetarian things most people would love) which is straightfoward and universally agreeable.
I get to you with the beef and the venison. You should 100% love your own food choices but at least get one option most of your guests could love -and risotto isn’t it.
Post # 8
Personally I would not worry about what you like or look forward to because my experience (and the majority i think) is that the bride/groom don’t really get to eat much/your focus is not on the food. You would be better to focus on what your guests would enjoy. I doubt venison or risotto is it.
Post # 9
ladyartichoke : My Fiance is a deer hunter and so we eat venison semi-regularly. Can I ask, what kind of venison dish is it going to be? Venison is quite difficult to cook well, and I can’t imagine cooking enough to feed wedding guests at roughly the same time, unless it was some sort of stew.
There are a lot of hunters/hunters partners in our social and family groups, but even then I think only a small percentage would eat venison.
I think it would be fine if you had another two options, but with only two options in total I would choose a “safer” meat.
Post # 10
Sure…as guests coming to your home, a good guest isn’t going to bitch about your menu. It is called being gracious. It is also why you could probably speak to every single one of your guests and not hear a single complaint about your proposed choices – because people are gracious and don’t want to rain on your parade since it is an important event for you.
On the flip side of that is called being a gracious host. A gracious host cares about their guests comfort and likes and dislikes. It doesn’t mean you have to cater exclusively to each and every one of them, but you shouldn’t go into it either with the attitude of “they are coming to MY party and should be gracious enough to not complain, so they can stick their preferences up their arse” either.
So that aside, I know lots of people who will eat the vegetarian risotto (not necessarily happily cause that’s a big plate of starch) so long as it doesn’t have asparagus or mushrooms in it. I know way fewer people who would actually eat venison – and I know of a lot of hunters. In fact of the hunters, I can only think of two who regularly eat venison. I was pretty sure venison was one of those things people acquire because other people ran out of room in their freezer and started giving it away, and they were too gracious to refuse so now it is in their freezer to be thrown out when it is too freezer burned to be any good. Usually come deer hunting season, I just see a lot of wrinkled noses and complaints about venison being too strong or gamey and a lot of begrudging nods when people insist “oh, but you haven’t tried MY venison *whatever* yet”.
Post # 11
I am not a picky eater at all, but do NOT like venison. I don’t like the taste and it is not popular at all where I live, but I see you’re in the UK, so maybe it is more accepted there?
You CAN go with beef. Your caterer can make yours blue, and your FMIL’s well done, and the rest medium with no problem. I say this as someone who has been in the hospitality business for many many years.
Post # 12
You couldn’t pay me to eat venison and I think of all the people I know (Well enough to know their preferences), only my SO would touch venison. I personally like vegetarian food and order it quite regularly despite not being one but I do think a lot of people, particularly older people wouldn’t be happy with a no meat dinner. Usually at a wedding the vegetarian option is outside the 2 main choices and isn’t charged extra. But you know your guests best so try and find what works best for you as a group.
As far as your mom dictating to you about everything, I would just thank her for her input each time and just go with what you want. If she questions it later just say we considered X but thought Y would work better for us.
Post # 13
I would be over the moon to be served venison at a wedding, not the normal roast or chicken with mushroom sauce. Risotto might be a bit risky as a vegetarian option though – how about a tasty stuffed pasta dish with sauce instead?
Post # 14
I agree with katebluestone- get the beef medium for everyone with special instructions for you, your fiance and mum. Totally easy request for your caterer. And it’s what you want!
Post # 15
I eat most everything but venison isn’t a favorite and I agree with PP who stated it’s difficult to cook well. I love risotto so would choose that even though I am watching carbs. I can’t eat pasta.
How much more does it cost to have a third option such as chicken or fish? And talk to your caterer about the possibility of preparing your beef the way you like it as PPs suggested.