(Closed) VENT – Our wedding is NOT ABOUT YOU!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

His FB post seems like it could be about something else.  What leads you to believe he is referring to the invite?

 

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ugh, I TOTALLY understand!! We did the same thing, and people still insisted on saying they were bringing someone!  I told all my single friends about a year before the wedding if you aren’t dating now, you aren’t bringing anyone to the wedding!! I’ll be damned if you are going to have some flavor of the minute in all my wedding pics. Plus, they would know so many other people there its not like they would be alone.  And you know what, everyone listened but 1 person, and you know the damn girl he brought was in the exact color she wasn’t sposed to be in (red, but no fault of hers cuz she couldn’t have possibly known that it was limited to family only for personal reasons) and is in like 20 of my pictures! So now, for the rest of life, or the time we are friends with him, I can give him crap for bringing her to my wedding and ruining some of my pics! Sorry, but they weren’t even together officially when she came, she just snuck in at some point during the reception after we were already partying and I didn’t even notice until more than halfway through.  And, since the photog knew about my family wearing red, I guess thats why she was in so many pics! UGH…anyway, sorry to rant, but stick to your guns and don’t feel bad. Its YOUR wedding, YOUR day, and not his.  If he can’t come to his senses, then he will be the one regretting not coming.  You can’t let people make things about them, even though for whatever reason when it comes to a wedding they always try to.  Chin up love, and you and Fiance stick to your guns!

Post # 5
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yeah, I wouldn’t assume that his fb post has anything to do with your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ofcourse his FB status is referring to you!  And don’t sweat it, he sounds like a fairweather friend anyway.  We might run into this problem as well.  We are having a SMALL wedding too.  If people are not in a relationship and they will know other people at their table, then NO they won’t all get a +1.  I always say that people who always expect a +1 have NEVER planned a wedding.  I am not  paying a $100/plate for some chick/dude that one of my friends just picked up to bring to my wedding.  Like I said, as long as they know other people at the table, and are not married/in a relationship in which you have at least met their significant other, then no, no +1 necessary.

Post # 7
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is going to be a problem on our end too. We have many friends and cousins who aren’t dating anyone. I have a problem with some random Joe or Sally at the wedding that we are paying for out of our own pockets while I make a pretty pathetic paycheck and my Fiance is in grad school. We want a nice intimate party with the people we know and love, not some casual stranger that they happen to be dating. I know FI’s friends are going to have beef with this, so I don’t know what do to or say, especially on the RSVP cards.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree that his Fb post was a bit vague.  It sure could be over your wedding.  But it could be over something else.  Try not to jump to conclusions. Maybe his parents don’t like his new gf…who knows?

If the post was about your wedding, I’ll say it wasn’t a very mature way for him to express his feelings.  Sounds passive aggressive to me.  However, there’s really nothing you can do.  Your Fiance left him a message.  He now has the right to choose to go or decline.  Leave it at that.

You have the right to invite who you want.  (And you are looking for people to not give you grief over it.)  He also has the right to decline, without getting grief.  Everyone is making the best decisions for themselves.  It might be your day.  But your guests do have to live through it.  If being there alone is something that makes him uncomfortable or sad, etc., I think you should be understanding  of that.

Post # 9
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That’s so frustrating! Don’t worry about his FB message…it sounds like he’s got his own drama going on… They broke up and now he put her down as a date? Cleary she is still jerking him around and he’s probably has a lot on his mind.

He’s not worth your time to care about. Your Fiance wrote a very nice message and at least the message is out there.

Post # 10
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I just don’t think the FB post sounds like it’s about this situation. It sounds more like something bad has happend to him. THis isn’t really anything bad.

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

“why does this shit keep happening to me, cant i be happy for once without being shit on. dont know what to do right now, a hard decision has to be made one of 2 ways…..”

Goodnees I despise facebook messages like these. I’d just ignore him. You can’t be bothered by someone airing their dirty laundry on facebook, especially if they don’t explicitly say what’s up.

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

when ppl post general angry posts on facebook and dont specifically say what its about i would just ignore it.. u dont know for certain that it was about u.. and even if it is why bother abt it. i dont thing u should sweat about one persons facebook status.. he may not be justified but u cant stop people from xpressing their opinions even if they are wrong

Post # 13
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

that sort of facebook status on my news feed is grounds for ‘hiding’ which means I’ve got at least 40 ‘friends’ who are hidden. whether or not it was about you, he sounds a little ridiculous. like the previous posters have said, you’ve let him know the situation and did so eloquently. it’s your day, just ignore him (hide him) and carry on. if he’s a big boy, he’ll get over it.

Post # 14
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

It may be your day, but it is your guests Saturday.  People spend their time and money to help make your day magical, try and understand it from their point of view.  I am so tired of hearing the excuse of people cutting +1’s to accomidate venue, budget, ecc.  When we had our wedding we budgeted and planned for everyone to bring a plus one.  I sacrificed on other areas to ensure everyone at my wedding felt comfortable and welcome. 

Post # 15
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s great that YOU were able to plan, budget, and “sacrifice” for random +1s, @Pugsandkisses but not every bride’s plan and budget includes +1s and that doesn’t make her a jerk/inconsiderate friend. It also doesn’t make the people who do allow +1s “better” than those of us who don’t. Our (very small) venue limited us to a certain number of guests, and it was either cut close friends/family or allow +1s we had never met before. Everyone knows pretty much everyone else, so the choice was simple. Also, our budget was already as lean as it could be, so there was nowhere else we could have cut to allow for, say, a different, larger venue. To say nothing of the fact that we wanted an intimate wedding with only our dearest friends with us. You’re right that people are spending time and money getting to the wedding, so if anyone had declined the invite due to not being able to bring a date, that would have been fine! It’s when they assume their date is invited too (without having been given any indication that was so, and without having asked) and then get pissy when they’re told they aren’t, that it gets frustrating for those of us with a “no +1s” rule.

Post # 16
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Bux:

I for one, am not willing to ‘sacrifice’ my day for random +1’s.  I always wanted an intimate affair in which I know everyone at my wedding.  With a small venue and people not in a relationship, I think it is acceptable for them not to have a plus 1, keeping in mind that they do know others at their table.  I must ask you Bux, is your meal over a $100/plate???  Are you willing to spend that on a person you don’t know?  I am not willing to cut out and cheap out on others things at my wedding just so +1’s can come, ….I want a beautiful classy day on my own terms, not so strangers can have a first class meal/surroundings.

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