Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood
Ok, so I’ll admit I’m probably slightly bitter because I’m in the waiting stage and will be for several more years. BUT, I still think I’m justified in thinking these people shouldn’t be getting married.
My boyfriend has a friend (well, former friend, really) who had never really been in a serious relationship until his current girlfriend. This friend wanted to propose to his girlfriend but everyone kept telling him to wait because they aren’t particularly financially stable and they’ve only been dating for about five months. Well, after my boyfriend and this friend got into a huge fight, this friend decided to propose anyway. So now these two people who have been dating for five months and haven’t really been with anyone other than each other and are ONLY 21 are now getting married. And it annoys me to death. I’m being responsible by waiting until my boyfriend and I can financially support ourselves and until we both have degrees. Not these people.
These people spend their time in a drunken, drugged up haze literally every night of the week. And I’m not just talking about weed. I’m talking about acid and shrooms and ecstasy. It’s just frustrating. Obviously I’m not telling these two any of this because even though I don’t think they should be getting married, I’m not going to ruin their happiness. I sincerely doubt they’ll actually get to the wedding day but, who knows? Maybe they will.
Anyway, thanks for reading this. I just needed to vent. I’m not really looking for advice or anything. But, have any of you ever encountered people who should just NOT be getting married?
Post # 3
All the time. It is annoying I agree. Especially when they get on your case about how “he must not really love you if he hasn’t proposed” and “oh we’re so happy we never ever ever fight and never ever will”.
oooo…I’m annoyed thinking about it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
Post # 5
@MissOtter31: My very good friend and her older boyfriend. I don’t know why she settled for someone who belittles her and scolds her like a child. When I have told her my concerns in the past, she didn’t take it well. So now I just support her.
In response to your story…Financially, my husband and I weren’t ready either. But we made it work because that’s what you do when you are in love. We had an elegant wedding and honestly, I look around and couldn’t feel more blessed with what’s in my life.
But if these people are 21 and still partying, they will soon part. I can bet on it. Once the drunken haze wears off.
Post # 6
sometimes that thought will cross my mind but then i realise that sometimes i’m just envious of how optimistic other people are! like, despite their finances, their lifestyles, them not even knowing each other well, they STILL decide to get married, it just amazes me because i think wow, that is just kind of admirable in a way! not what I personally would do, I like to take a lot of time to think things through, but hey, if it works for them, it works for them. It is upsetting when you’re waiting (and waiting, and waiting) hearing about other people I know…. believe me, I know!
Post # 7
I understand where you’re coming from. My DH and I dealt with a similar situation with his brother. Now I feel that way towards some women that get pregnant that are less responsible than the 2 of us:(
Post # 8
I don’t think age, length of relationship or finances should decide whether or not two people are ready to be married.
If they do drugs together they sounds toxic for each other, regardless of whether they’re married or not, which is a shame. It sounds almost like the engagement isn’t as much of a problem as the drug addiction is. It’s definitely upsetting to see a friend enter a relationship that could bring them down so much. I hope they get clean and can have a healthy relationship!
Post # 9
It’s annoying, but sadly you have to let people make their own mistakes.
My sister got engaged to her long distance boyfriend after only dating 4 months and seeing him in person twice. It stung because at the time I was not yet engaged and I had been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we had been living together. It also bothered me because I felt like she was making a huge mistake rushing into this. Predictably, but still unfortunately, my sister’s relationship with her Fiance failed and they split ways… their wedding date has come and gone.
Post # 10
What do you mean by financially stable? Like, making lots of $, or financially independent at all? For example, my husband and I were 21/22 when we got married, so I’m usually a proponent of younger marriage, but only if you’re financially independent – we don’t make much, and we’re going to end up moving all over the country together for more school and more work, but we don’t rely on anyone to pay our rent or buy our groceries 🙂
But yes, I definitely have friends who go all crazy over what I feel is the wrong decision – like one of my friends who moved in with a guy who turned out to be emotionally abusive after only knowing him for about a month, then snatched the bouquet cause she wanted to marry him. Just gotta let them come and go, cause they certainly don’t take advice haha
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood
I wonder why people are so anxious to get married. I mean, if you think your relationship is going to last, why rush into getting married after only 5 months of dating? As of right now, their wedding will be right around their one year anniversary. They haven’t even KNOWN each other for very long. Right now their relationship is focused on sex, drugs, and alcohol. Not really setting themselves up for a long-lasting, successful relationship.
And, I’m almost certain they won’t be getting clean soon. This friend was apparently a really great, selfless kind of guy in high school. Now he’s selfish and angry and self-centered because of all of the drugs. But he doesn’t see anything as being wrong with him. You know, “the world is wrong. Drugs should be legal.” Blah blah blah. Plus, like people have said, their relationship is toxic and they’re enabling each other.
Post # 12
Kudos to you for keeping it to yourself and taking the high road. Because as much as it sounds like a disaster in the making, clearly you understand that it’s their choice. Sometimes people just need to make the mistake, because they won’t think logically.
I’ve known several couples who I doubted whether they’d stay together or not. And also some who I think could have waited longer before getting engaged. But in the end, it’s always hard to tell. Some people end up making it married for 50+ years no matter how long they dated…some will end up in divorce or at the very least in an unhappy marriage.
I wish them the best though and you as well. I think it’s a smart decision for you guys to be waiting until you can be stable financially. It’s hard, but Fiance and I are doing the same thing. Knowing how we are now, it was the right decision. Finances can put a huge strain on a relationship, and if you don’t have to do it, it’s best to wait. Hopefully you can remain happy together and in the moment until that time comes!
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood
They really aren’t financially independent. They live with a roommate who wants to kick them out because he’s trying to get clean but it’s really hard with all of these drugs around all the time. If he kicks them out, they won’t be able to afford anywhere else because their rent is so non-existent right now since they rent their place from the roommate’s parents.
The friend works two jobs but one of them is a night job only on weekends and the other job is only seasonal. And he isn’t going to school so once summer ends, he’ll be back to his weekend-only job. Not sure what they’re doing. I know she has a more stable job, but she doesn’t make much money either.
Post # 14
Yes there is a wedding I am invited to where I feel this way. And I’ve attended one in the past as well. There’s nothing you can do or say unfortunately, but I just hope for the best, you know?
Post # 15
Clearly these two people should not be getting married at this time. Drugs and alcohol dependencies never end well, unless there is some sort of intervention.
Having said that, approx. 50% of marriages will end in divorce. So 50% of us will not make it, and really shouldn’t be getting married in the first place.
Post # 16
Are those really the stats? WOW!