(Closed) Vent: People who shouldn’t be getting married

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Just_Squeeze:

Well I think it might be closer to 40% now that I do a little research. But still that’s pretty freakin crazy.

Post # 18
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@MissOtter31: Yeah well when you don’t make much and do drugs it’s certainly hard to remain financially above water – we might not make much but at least we don’t waste it 😉

Post # 20
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, I don’t get why people push marriage on people who aren’t really ready for it. My Future Mother-In-Law is constantly, constantly badgering one of my FI’s younger brothers to buy his girlfriend a ring. Why, I don’t know – they are 22, neither is working full-time, they live with my FIL’s, they can’t pay their bills…why throw trying to have a wedding into that mix? I don’t think you need to have tons and tons of money saved to get married (would be nice, but that’s another story!) but I do firmly believe that you need to be self-sufficient, able to buy your own groceries and pay rent and take care of your day-to-day obligations, before taking that step.

Post # 21
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If they’re drugged/high/drunk all the time I agree that they shouldn’t be getting married, but I honestly don’t think the other reasons are extremely valid. 21 is young but it’s not like they’re 17, experience doesn’t always do much good. And what does financial stability have to do with marriage today? In the past people waited to marry, move in together and buy a home and that’s why they needed financial stability. Now with 2 breadwinners in many homes and fewer people buying, much less waiting to move in together, I don’t see what difference it makes.

I think it’s better to get married than to live together for years unmarried.

Post # 23
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@MissOtter31: As for marrying without much experience, I think it depends on the people. I married my first serious boyfriend so I’m obviously a bit biased, but you’re right that maturity is the important part. Being able to respect yourself and know what you want and need in a relationship doesn’t necessarily require a long string of relationship but it does require knowledge of yourself and the world that some 21 year olds wouldn’t have.

Regarding financial stability, I thought you meant that they were maybe renting and didn’t have amazing jobs, lol, not that they were being entirely supported by their parents. Yea, that’s not a good thing to bring to a marriage. Sounds like the parents need to seriously cut the cord. I got nothing from my parents after age 22 except free laundry facilities.

My point previously was that I think a lot of people put off marriage over and over with a hundred different excuses (we can’t buy a home yet, I’m not ready for children, I want to be able to spend 20k on my wedding, marriage is old fashioned) but they’re basically in a common law marriage and I think that’s a bit ridiculous. Marriage is an important part of society and culture and people seem to take it both too seriously and not seriously enough at the same time. Acting like the world will turn on it’s head as soon as they have paperwork between them and that ripping up the paper is a perfect way to duck out if you get sick of it.

Post # 24
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Even though there’s a good amount of people out there who shouldn’t be getting married, I don’t think it’s fair to judge them simply by how long they’ve been together. It used to be the norm for people to have arranged marriages and that would be their first time meeting and they would just have to learn to love each other. People have to be able to make the decision when to get married themselves. Some are ready sooner than others are. For instance, my Fiance and I will only have been together for a year and a half when we get married, but we love each other more each day and we’re going stronger than ever. I believe that I knew right from the beginning that he was the one for me and when you know, why wait any longer? I’ve seen couples who have been together for years (married or not) end up breaking up and I think it just depends on the particular couple and how compatible they are. This isn’t something you can set a standard on for everyone. Marriage is the ultimate commitment and it’s typically what people are looking to happen eventually when they are searching for a relationship. People make mistakes all the time unfortunately, but you have to let them make their own mistakes.

 

Post # 25
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@MissOtter31:

I wonder why people are so anxious to get married. I mean, if you think your relationship is going to last, why rush into getting married after only 5 months of dating?

A lot of the time, deep down, they don’t think it’s going to last otherwise. They subconsciously see that ring as a chain attaching the other person to them. (Am I the only one that’s noticed right around the time you stop feeling it, that’s when the proposing starts? They know you’re about to walk, and they think if they can just get that ring on your finger, they can use it like a leash.)

Post # 26
Member
5282 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I used to feel the same way about the time thing – I thought couples were crazy to get married with knowing each other less then a year (in reality I even thought it was crazy for only dating for like 2 years.) For me, love develops over time, and it was hard to grasp that others arn’t in the same mind as me. But as I’ve grown more mature and open minded, I have acutally met MANY couples whom literally got married w/in months of knowing each other, who have been happily married for 10+ years. So time is not a factor & I no longer judge a couple based on their time together.

Now, for your friends, it prob is for the best that they are together; imagine if either of them was in a relationship with someone else who was a non-druggie & putting an enormous amount of stress, worry, and danger with their non-druggie partner. I hate to say it like this but to me they deserve each other. They are equals. Hopefully, one day they can battle and overcome their drug addictions together…  

Post # 27
Member
7582 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

The divorce rate is now 40% but in the 90’s it was as high as 52%. The only thing that has changed is age. The divorce rate has lowered as the age of marriage has risen in the US. 

The stats are intersting. In 1970 the average age for getting married was 23 for men and 21 for women, which resulted in the divorces in the 90’s and a rate of 52%. In 1995 the average age for marriage for men was 27 and women 25, which would have resulted in the divorce rate in our recent history.  Over the past 20 years our age of marriage has risen while the divorce rate has lowered. Average age in 2010 was 28 for men and 26 for women.

However, I don’t think that time together matters. I have friends who were together for 10 years and got divorced before 6 months of marriage was over. You never know what could happen.

Post # 28
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Boy have I got one for you. And this is also venting because this girl I work with is seriously trying to sabotage my career for I have no idea what reason and she’s openly rude to me in the office.  HR had to move my desk because she couldn’t stop spying on me, and they won’t fire her because she’s the boss’ sister. She’s just one of those generally miserable people who wants everyone else to be miserable too. And yes, almost all my coworkers are douches.  It’s why I’m leaving my department. So here goes:

This girl, let’s call her E, was seriously in love with another coworker, B, but B was happily engaged to another girl. He knew that E was in love with him and would often lead her on.  E got herself a boyfriend, X, in hopes of making B jealous.  Of course, B wasn’t jealous because he was happily engaged.  He got married and it crushed E.

We all thought that this would be the end of E and X’s relationship.  They had nothing in common and X didn’t even seem to like her that much. They lived in the same house but didn’t share a bed, or even a room.  They were not celibate as far as what she says; X just doesn’t like to sleep with E’s dogs in the bed, and E would rather sleep with her dogs than with X .  It turns out X doesn’t even like dogs…and E volunteers at a shelter for dogs and often takes some home to foster. (this is already going great, isn’t it?)

Much to our surprise, not only did they not break up, but E proposed to X….and X said NO, but when she threatened to leave him and take away his meal ticket (her house, she made more, yadda yadda) he freaked and said yes.  In the months leading up to the wedding, he refused to buy her a ring, wouldn’t buy a suit, and absolutely refused to invite certain guests to the wedding.

When E asked him why he didn’t want to invite these guests, he told her it was because these guests were dating but not yet married and it would be a “d*ck move” to invite them and have the girls catch “the wedding bug” like E did when she attended B’s wedding.  She asked him if he thought that’s why they were getting married and he said, “yeah, why else would we get married?”

AND SHE STILL DIDN’T LEAVE HIM.  Well he ended up calling the wedding off a few weeks before the wedding.

If she wasn’t seriously trying to ruin my career by spreading malicious lies about me around the office, I’d feel bad for her.  But as it is….I just can’t find it in me to feel all that bad about it.  Kharma’s a biatch.  

Post # 30
Hostess
11164 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@Moja Milosc:I don’t think age, length of relationship or finances should decide whether or not two people are ready to be married. Agreed.

The drug issue though that is another story and regardless of their age or financial situation, when drugs are involved it complicates everything.

My FI’s co-worker just got married in June and the majority of us that know the couple believe it was a mistake. They spent their brief pre-marital relationship cheating on each other (leading to two terminated pregnancies as they were from other men), yelling and throwing things at each other in public (He threw a bat at her at a work softball game), moving in together only to move out a short time later due to “issues.” If ever two people had all the signs of not to get married it was them, however they went through with it.

I think that perhaps some people are more interested in a wedding (as was the case In My Humble Opinion of the co-worker) than actual marriage.

Post # 31
Member
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my husbands buddy married and our entire table at the reception was taking bets on how long the marriage would last for (less than 12mths btw) – neither were bad people but she wanted the sparkly pretty ring and the attention and pushed him until she got what she wanted.  

sometimes you have to sit back and watch the train accident because people have to learn for themselves

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