- 3 months ago
- Wedding: November 2016
Hey bees, I want to preface this by saying I know this isn’t a real problem and a combo of pms, lack of sleep, and general holiday blues is probably making it worse.
I’ve been single for 10ish months since a major breakup with a guy I really wanted to marry. 9 times out of 10 I’m doing well, but some days just suck. I did casually date someone for 4 months, but it didn’t feel right so I broke up with him.
I’m lucky in that even though I am in my late 20s, 99% of my friends are single as well (non-american major city and a lot of queer female friends). The majority though are cat moms who would rather craft than go to a bar (totally fine but I’m allergic to cats and about as far from crafty/artistic as someone can get).
Over the past year I have become closer with my friend, Kate, because she’s a friend to go out dancing with and we work together as well. Kate and I look pretty similar but she has a bit more of an alternative vibe than me and is much more extroverted / chatty.
Today I watched a colleague I had had my eye for a bit ask out Kate. Totally fair and I’m happy for her. But this is like the 3rd time a guy I’ve been interested in has asked her out and not me. Also I know she’s got like 4 guys on the go at the moment (they all know and she’s not looking for anything serious- she’s a good person ).
I went to a cafe after work and burst into tears. It’s hard not to feel ugly / dull by comparison. I KNOW I’m a good person, reasonably attractive, cool hobbies, etc. But I haven’t gone this long without sex or some type of male attention in 6+ years and I feeling very… unsexy. I’ve always been the type of person who, when I was single, could always find a dude to flirt with and whose company I generally enjoyed. I’m pretty independent so it’s not really the companionship I miss- more the other stuff. For no apparent reason this seems impossible at the moment and I’m feeling a little desperate / down – which I know is so unattractive.
Just feeling stuck and a little sorry for myself. I have great friends, a good career, and am the healthiest I’ve ever been. I just miss intimacy and the excitement that comes with flirting / casually dating, etc.
Edited to add: just re-reading and one major change I think is previously I was in grad school and work was relatively solitary so I craved human connection during my free time. For the last 18 months I’ve worked full-time basically as a social worker which I think weirdly makes me less outgoing outside of work because I feel really peopled out.