(Closed) VENT – please help me be happy for my friend instead of jealous and annoyed

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

that stinks. i’m sorry. i think most people would feel the same way you do. just remember, your true friends are going to be just as excited for your wedding!

Post # 4
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@RubyLove: hmm that sucks!! I dont know what to say but remember that your good friends and all your family willbe really excited to come to the shower and stagette! Its hard sometimes!

Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t really have any advice on how not to feel that way, but I’m sure most people would in your shoes! It’s kind of crappy of her to put her date so close to yours :(.

Post # 6
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’d say to try and focus as much as possible on your relationship and the excitement that you will be getting married.  Your weddings won’t ever be the same because even with all the same people there, you and your Fiance are different people.  Your wedding is about the two of you. 

I know it’s easier said than done.  I feel for you.  But no one can take away your joy if you don’t let them. 

Post # 7
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s a crummy situation to be in, but I wouldn’t worry about the money thing or your wedding being overshadowed by hers.  I think most people find handmade details more memorable than glitzy store-bought stuff anyway.  And if she acts bratty about the whole thing, people will realize it on their own and be turned off by it.  Nothing to do but keep being a good friend and planning your special day – everyone else will be excited.

Post # 8
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I do feel you here. I had been waiting (and waiting) and waiting for my now fiance to proposal to me after almost seven years… I watched couple after couple get engaged and finally when I thought it would be my turn my very close guy friend got engaged to a girl i was still feeling out after only dating for 8 months. We tried to bond over shared wedding details before they got engaged and I told her I wanted a late summer wedding, it would be easier on my fiance since he was going to literally be graduating from nursing school then getting married that following weekend. I told her the date we had kinda hypothetically picked and she said her and her fiance (boyfriend at the time) were looking at sept, oct and we both agreed it be nice to have space for our weddings to breathe…

fast forward to their engagement which happened before mine she calls and tells me that they are getting married in august.. and just two weeks before our intended date, “yea, we didnt want to wait and plus no one else was getting married in that month..” blah blah blah.. I was pretty ticked. Then a month later almost to the date my fiance proposed and we stick with our intended date.

she was mad. I calmly explained that we had settled on this day way back in the beginning of the year.. she didn’t care. Now she’s asking me all sorts of details and I know its cause theres this deep rooted whatever from when i “snubbed” her wedding when it reality she snubbed mine!

 

ANYWAY sorry that was so long but i truly understand where you are coming from. Just try and focus on why you love what you do about your wedding day and also, hug your fiance when you start feeling jealous.. it helps. They usually have the magic touch 🙂

Post # 9
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

I can understand how you feel that way – but big ups to you on recognising you don’t want to be feeling like this!

All I can say is… Imagine you are a 3rd party invited to both weddings. Do YOU feel like the second is a drag? No, you love both for what they are, completely individual expressions of two different couples’ love. If it makes you feel better try incorporating as many individual touches into your wedding as possible – that will be sure to grab guest’s attention and will help you focus on something other than her budget.

Best of luck x

Post # 10
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m usually the first one to yell out “you only get a day!” but I think what she did was kind of crappy, considering the two of you have a lot of mutual friends.  Is moving your date back a couple weeks an option?

Post # 12
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sounds like your friend is a big ol’ b*tch.

Post # 13
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s crappy! I’m with Lezlers! Usually I’m in the camp of saying, “you only get one day! Be happy she found love!” BUT she is outright being nasty! I hate those kind of women. She wants to one up you.

I mean, you can think of it this way: You get to see her wedding first and see guests reactions to things she has done. Then you can go back and make some changes or improvements if you want!

If I were you, I would keep your wedding details hush hush because she seems like she would be the type of person to try and copy or make it better. Like you are going to have 12,000 rose petals? Well guess what!? I’m having 24,000 IMPORTED from Italy! lol

Post # 14
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

I agree with Sking. Try to focus on your relationship and the exitment you have for your wedding.

A similar situation happened with both my brother and my FI’s nephew. They proposed to their GF’s just a month or so after my Fiance proposed to me. My bro has been married 2x before, and my nephew-to-be has only been with his Girlfriend for a year (I’ve been with my Fiance for 5). It was hard not to feel like an afterthought regarding all the wedding talk, especially with some family drama going on with my FI’s family (certain people saying they will go to my nephew’s wedding but not ours because they don’t support our relationship).

In the end, all you can do is relax, focus on your big day, and try to let it go. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
46594 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I say go ahead and have your hurt feelings. They are justified.

But I wouldn’t give her the pleasure of raising the issue with her.

She clearly is doing this intentionally, but you’ll just have to carry on and know that for her, what goes around will eventually come around.

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

remind yourself that there are only so many available weekends in a year to have a wedding and if your/her wedding is sooner than later she may had less choices in dates.  otherwise her being less than happy when you were engaged could have been her acting out over her own disappointment in not being engaged herself

hopefully things will go great for both of you from here on

 

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