Post # 1
I feel like I am going to slack for this but I am just having a bad morning and need to vent.
One of my really good friends just got engaged. She is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding and we have grown up together and I love her, but she is not necessarily the easiest person to get along with. She can just be super dramatic and can really stress me out. She is kind of one of those people that makes everything about her. When I picked bridesmaids, instead of being excited about being one, she got really mad at me for not asking her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. It took a lot of the fun out of having bridesmaids, and made me wish I didn’t even have any because the last thing i wanted to do was hurt feelings. There is still tension with us over this issue, and it comes up pretty much every time we are out and she is drinking. I feel like she wants me to feel bad about it and regret my Maid/Matron of Honor decision and it just sucks. Being engaged is supposed to be such an exciting time but because of a lot of drama with her I have been more sad and stressed than excited and happy.
Well, this weekend she got engaged. I was/am so happy for her. She has been with her boyfriend much longer than I have been with mine and I know that it wasn’t easy for her to see us get engaged before her. Last night we had a little celebration for them and she told me that while it wasn’t 100% sure, she had already picked a date. It is 2 weeks before mine.
I feel like such a horrible whiny bitch for feeling this way, but it just bothers me that our dates are so close to each others. I fully understand that the world does not revolve around my wedding, but I just wish that our dates were farther apart. We have a ton of mutual friends and while I know its stupid to feel this way, I feel like because all of my wedding events are probably going to be immediately after hers, by the time my wedding rolls around people are going to look at it more like a hassle than something they are excited to go to. “Oh another bridal shower, another bachelorette party, etc.” Also, she is totally loaded so money is no object, and while I would like to say I am above being jealous, I know I’m going to get envious that she can get everything she wants while my fiance and I are pinching every penny. I want to be more excited and happy for her but instead I’m just feeling bummed that its worked out this way. I feel like she is going to make it a competition and it just sucks.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. I woke up still thinking about it and thought I could get some advice on how not to be such a selfish asshole about this. I want to be more excited for her, and I am so happy for her, I just wish our weddings were not so close to each other. She asked me to go dress shopping with her next weekend and I can already forsee me sitting there being jealous because she can afford anything while I spend my days scouring the internet and praying one of my dream dresses comes up on a used site since I can’t afford them new.
Please help me not feel this way!
Post # 3
that stinks. i’m sorry. i think most people would feel the same way you do. just remember, your true friends are going to be just as excited for your wedding!
Post # 4
@RubyLove: hmm that sucks!! I dont know what to say but remember that your good friends and all your family willbe really excited to come to the shower and stagette! Its hard sometimes!
Post # 5
I don’t really have any advice on how not to feel that way, but I’m sure most people would in your shoes! It’s kind of crappy of her to put her date so close to yours :(.
Post # 6
I’d say to try and focus as much as possible on your relationship and the excitement that you will be getting married. Your weddings won’t ever be the same because even with all the same people there, you and your Fiance are different people. Your wedding is about the two of you.
I know it’s easier said than done. I feel for you. But no one can take away your joy if you don’t let them.
Post # 7
It’s a crummy situation to be in, but I wouldn’t worry about the money thing or your wedding being overshadowed by hers. I think most people find handmade details more memorable than glitzy store-bought stuff anyway. And if she acts bratty about the whole thing, people will realize it on their own and be turned off by it. Nothing to do but keep being a good friend and planning your special day – everyone else will be excited.
Post # 8
I do feel you here. I had been waiting (and waiting) and waiting for my now fiance to proposal to me after almost seven years… I watched couple after couple get engaged and finally when I thought it would be my turn my very close guy friend got engaged to a girl i was still feeling out after only dating for 8 months. We tried to bond over shared wedding details before they got engaged and I told her I wanted a late summer wedding, it would be easier on my fiance since he was going to literally be graduating from nursing school then getting married that following weekend. I told her the date we had kinda hypothetically picked and she said her and her fiance (boyfriend at the time) were looking at sept, oct and we both agreed it be nice to have space for our weddings to breathe…
fast forward to their engagement which happened before mine she calls and tells me that they are getting married in august.. and just two weeks before our intended date, “yea, we didnt want to wait and plus no one else was getting married in that month..” blah blah blah.. I was pretty ticked. Then a month later almost to the date my fiance proposed and we stick with our intended date.
she was mad. I calmly explained that we had settled on this day way back in the beginning of the year.. she didn’t care. Now she’s asking me all sorts of details and I know its cause theres this deep rooted whatever from when i “snubbed” her wedding when it reality she snubbed mine!
ANYWAY sorry that was so long but i truly understand where you are coming from. Just try and focus on why you love what you do about your wedding day and also, hug your fiance when you start feeling jealous.. it helps. They usually have the magic touch 🙂
Post # 9
I can understand how you feel that way – but big ups to you on recognising you don’t want to be feeling like this!
All I can say is… Imagine you are a 3rd party invited to both weddings. Do YOU feel like the second is a drag? No, you love both for what they are, completely individual expressions of two different couples’ love. If it makes you feel better try incorporating as many individual touches into your wedding as possible – that will be sure to grab guest’s attention and will help you focus on something other than her budget.
Best of luck x
Post # 10
I’m usually the first one to yell out “you only get a day!” but I think what she did was kind of crappy, considering the two of you have a lot of mutual friends. Is moving your date back a couple weeks an option?
Post # 11
Thanks everyone. I am sure I will get over it in a day or two, but it’s really nice to hear that I’m not being selfish by feeling this way. Another reason I feel this way is that both are kind of destination weddings and I know that a lot of people won’t be able to do both. It’s going to make it really hard for our guests and I hate that. They probably will have to chose which one to go to.
@His Lil SantosGirl: That sucks, but I think it’s great that you stuck to your original date.
@lezlers: Unfortunately pushing our date back is not an option. We have already put deposits on many of our vendors and last week we ordered our save the dates. She has known our date for months as well so it wasn’t like she was unsure about it.
Post # 12
Sounds like your friend is a big ol’ b*tch.
Post # 13
That’s crappy! I’m with Lezlers! Usually I’m in the camp of saying, “you only get one day! Be happy she found love!” BUT she is outright being nasty! I hate those kind of women. She wants to one up you.
I mean, you can think of it this way: You get to see her wedding first and see guests reactions to things she has done. Then you can go back and make some changes or improvements if you want!
If I were you, I would keep your wedding details hush hush because she seems like she would be the type of person to try and copy or make it better. Like you are going to have 12,000 rose petals? Well guess what!? I’m having 24,000 IMPORTED from Italy! lol
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
I agree with Sking. Try to focus on your relationship and the exitment you have for your wedding.
A similar situation happened with both my brother and my FI’s nephew. They proposed to their GF’s just a month or so after my Fiance proposed to me. My bro has been married 2x before, and my nephew-to-be has only been with his Girlfriend for a year (I’ve been with my Fiance for 5). It was hard not to feel like an afterthought regarding all the wedding talk, especially with some family drama going on with my FI’s family (certain people saying they will go to my nephew’s wedding but not ours because they don’t support our relationship).
In the end, all you can do is relax, focus on your big day, and try to let it go. 🙂
Post # 15
I say go ahead and have your hurt feelings. They are justified.
But I wouldn’t give her the pleasure of raising the issue with her.
She clearly is doing this intentionally, but you’ll just have to carry on and know that for her, what goes around will eventually come around.
Post # 16
remind yourself that there are only so many available weekends in a year to have a wedding and if your/her wedding is sooner than later she may had less choices in dates. otherwise her being less than happy when you were engaged could have been her acting out over her own disappointment in not being engaged herself
hopefully things will go great for both of you from here on