(Closed) Vent re: Thank you notes

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
581 posts
Busy bee

I feel exactly the way you do.  It’s chosen ignorance……and it’s rude. 

Post # 4
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

It just isn’t common in some circles. My family wouldn’t let you hear the end of it if you didn’t send a written thank you note. The boy’s family is more a fan of the verbal thank you.. such is life :/

Post # 5
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In my family circle it is definately a verbal thank you most people get. However, if I personally get big, unexpected gifts I always make sure I at least get a card off in the mail.

Post # 6
59 posts
Worker bee

It’s seems and is unfortunate that common etiquette is deemed old fashioned nowadays. However, since you mentioned it was just earlier this summer the thank you notes might still be on their way… In my experience, it has not been uncommon to get thank you notes several months after the event! Though it would be more proper to send then off before or during your honeymoon, I feel it might be at least better late than later..

Post # 7
2867 posts
Sugar bee

This is something that gets under my skin as well.  I try to give the benefit of the doubt for 1 year, things happen.  Oh man, Fiance’s family is terrible about thank yous.  He thinks a phone call is sufficient enough thanks, apparently that’s my in-laws mentality.  I told him “NO! That is unacceptable and good manners tells you to formally, handwrite a thank you to every person who attends and/or gives a gift.”  My future SIL has two kids and they never write thank yous, they’re kind of bratty anyways but ugh!  I have always sent written thank yous to his parents and his grandmother whenever I stay at their home during the holidays and acknowledge any gifts they have given me.

Post # 8
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh I hate this too!!

My Fiance and I went to one of his cousin’s weddings earlier this year, the bride wrote 1 big thank you note to one member of his family and thought it covered everyone’s gifts. Umm…no.

It drives me crazy!!

Post # 9
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

By “early this summer” do you mean just a few weeks ago?

We got most of our thank you notes from last year’s weddings more than 6 months after the wedding, and it took us some time to get ours out also for many different reasons.  Also consider that maybe they’re waiting for their pro pics for their thank you cards.  Although we got to see some of ours a month or so later, we didn’t have them on dvd in a form we could use for cards for months.  There could be many reasons why you haven’t gotten a card yet, but if it’s only a few weeks, I don’t think it’s a breach of etiquette.

And no, for those gifts we didn’t send thank you notes out for months — we didn’t use the gifts until we did (although we deposited the checks because otherwise they would expire and no longer be accepted by the bank).

Post # 10
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Sad.  Hopefully you get something within 6 mos. 

Post # 11
1011 posts
Bumble bee

If you have mutual guests from the events for which you have not received thank yous, it will be noted that you were prompt.  I got an acknowledgement from one friend who commented that I “beat” another couple who got married 3 weeks before we did.

I am guilty of depositing checks before mailing thank you notes.  We deposited them the day before we left for our honeymoon (2 days after the wedding).  Most of the notes were written on our cruise.  I did ask my mom if we should wait to deposit we did . . . I thought about waiting until after we returned.  Still, all but 10 were written and mailed within 5 weeks of our wedding and the rest were sent a week later.  Thank yous for all gifts received at least 10 days before the wedding were sent before the wedding.  Even though we had under 200 guests, I had to write more than 110 notes!

Post # 12
529 posts
Busy bee

I feel as though for some reason this has gone out of fashion – though I had received notes almost exactly a year later. It is one of my pet peeves!

Post # 13
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Well, as a summer bride (June 12) who is still working on thank you notes, I think it’s pretty early to expect Thank You notes already.  The graduation party I could see the but give the wedding ones the benefit of the doubt.  If in 6 months you STILL don’t have a Thank You card, then I’d be pissed…

Post # 14
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Shoot I got married May 14th and am working on the last of my thank you notes (have about 10 more to do). When you have like 200 thank you notes to write and I wanted to personalize them and everything between whatever else we have had going on it takes awhile for sure. I didn’t do any the first two weeks past the wedding because we were on our honeymoon and had left all of the gifts/money at home with our family. They also cashed the checks right away (so before we had sent out any thank yous) because we didn’t want to cash them past the first month so that it wouldn’t screw people up with their monthly bank accounts and such. If it gets past 3 months I would start to wonder about it, but I wouldn’t be mad or think badly of the couple if they sent them out within a couple of months or so.

Post # 15
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I, too, would be interested to know what you mean by “early this summer.”  I got married Memorial Day weekend, and I’m still working on thank you notes–it’s been 6 weeks since my wedding, and honestly?  I’ve had about 47,000 things to do.  They will go out before the 2 month mark, but I would be a little hurt if any of our guests gave me a hard time about this–thank you notes are important but they aren’t what my world revolves around.  I would give the people whose events you attended a little more time before you freak out–receiving thank you notes is lovely, I agree, but I wouldn’t let it upset you to this point.  

Post # 16
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m wondering if the etiquette of thank-you notes is cultural as well as regional these days? Thinking back, since arriving in the Netherlands I’ve been to 3 weddings and in all 3 we’ve given at least 100 euro gifts to each couple.  I have never gotten a thank-you card and at least 1 couple never even gave us a verbal thank you.

Then, thinking back to the weddings I’ve attended in the US over the years, I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve gotten a written thank you.

Maybe it’s a tradition that’s sadly dying out?

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