(Closed) VENT

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you ARE forcing her to buy a dress… in particular, NOT the dress that she loves / feels most comfortable in.

This wouldn’t be drama if you weren’t making such a fuss over a dress.

She can have a different dress than the other BM’s (which can wear the dress you want them to) – she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor.

It’s JUST A DRESS, and you are damaging your already fragile (from her point of view!) relationship over it.

I say just let her have the dress she likes… she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, she’s already going out of her way for you. It’s not too much to ask for.

Post # 4
434 posts
Helper bee

I disagree with PP, it’s common knowledge that you generally have to suck it up when it comes to bridesmaid dresses. There is more than one dress in the entire world that she would like and be comfortable with at your wedding. I think that she is the one damagine the relationship by being so worked up over a dress. If you let her walk all over you now, she’s going to walk all over you for the rest of the wedding. I just can’t imagine anyone saying “I’m going to buy this dress regardless” to a bride, especially when the bride has expressed that she doesn’t like it unless the bride has specifically given permission to choose whatever dress they want. And in this case, it sounds like you’re flexible but have a certain look you want. Which is super reasonable. I’m sorry you are dealing with this!

Post # 5
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@CakeyP:  So that one dress is the ONLY dress in the WORLD?!

The bride always gets final say in what the Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs wear…that is plain simple truth.

If the OP continues to give in then it will continue on ad nauseam.

Post # 6
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

At the end of the day regardless of dress, MOHs and BMs are meant to make things easier for the bride. For example, I know that if my florist rolls up with the wrong bouquet, I know that my Maid/Matron of Honor will deal with it on the day, so that I don’t have TONS on my plate. Your sister should be trying to help, not hinder. 

I think your sister, without knowing it, may be trying to cause an argument so that she has an opportunity to delve into her own issues. I don’t really think it’s anything to do with you, or your wedding, I think it’s her personal difficulties that are making her behave badly. 

In your place, I’d ask her out for a drink in a public place to discuss it, and bring say five pictures each of different style dresses that you like. Discuss each dress, and figure out what she wants,  and what you want, so that you can get her something she’s comfortable in. If she says, for example, ‘oh i don’t like the one, its strapless’ veto any in either pile that are strapless. if you say you don’t want any below the knee, take those out. You could end up with a couple of nice dresses in the pile. 

i think the most important thing is reiterate how much you love her, and how pleased you are that she is standing up with you on your big day, and as she has already planned a wedding, remind her how much pressure sorting this conundrum will relieve. 

Post # 7
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Lrroma181986:  I see you deleted your post. It’s going to be ok!

It seems like she is used to getting her way. This time, don’t let her bully you.

This is your wedding and it’s YOU who has to look back over the photos for eternity.

If you give it, you set a precendent that she can take over.

Keep telling her to find another dress. If she does not, then you might have to find other alternatives. 

Post # 8
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Luayne:  *sigh* You’re right though, I came across as REALLY harsh and I didn’t mean to.
I’m sorry about that, @Lrroma181986:.  

I think that the other posters are right, for the most part – your wedding, your dress.
Maybe it’s a good idea to sit down with her and ask he what’s so great about the dress she likes? It might be a control thing, it might be a comfort thing, it might be that she didn’t even try on the dress you wanted.

Again, I’m sorry if I upset you.

Post # 11
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Lrroma181986:  I’m glad everything worked out OK.
I wish weddings didn’t bring out the weird in people, but they totally do – two of my BMs have suddenly brought the drama to the table in the last few weeks and it’s incredibly stressful!! So I got a bit of karma for my crankiness one month ago. 😛
I hope your peeps buck up and quit being stress-causers, or at least that you can learn to somehow tune it out.

Good luck!

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