- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I think you ARE forcing her to buy a dress… in particular, NOT the dress that she loves / feels most comfortable in.
This wouldn’t be drama if you weren’t making such a fuss over a dress.
She can have a different dress than the other BM’s (which can wear the dress you want them to) – she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor.
It’s JUST A DRESS, and you are damaging your already fragile (from her point of view!) relationship over it.
I say just let her have the dress she likes… she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, she’s already going out of her way for you. It’s not too much to ask for.
I disagree with PP, it’s common knowledge that you generally have to suck it up when it comes to bridesmaid dresses. There is more than one dress in the entire world that she would like and be comfortable with at your wedding. I think that she is the one damagine the relationship by being so worked up over a dress. If you let her walk all over you now, she’s going to walk all over you for the rest of the wedding. I just can’t imagine anyone saying “I’m going to buy this dress regardless” to a bride, especially when the bride has expressed that she doesn’t like it unless the bride has specifically given permission to choose whatever dress they want. And in this case, it sounds like you’re flexible but have a certain look you want. Which is super reasonable. I’m sorry you are dealing with this!
At the end of the day regardless of dress, MOHs and BMs are meant to make things easier for the bride. For example, I know that if my florist rolls up with the wrong bouquet, I know that my Maid/Matron of Honor will deal with it on the day, so that I don’t have TONS on my plate. Your sister should be trying to help, not hinder.
I think your sister, without knowing it, may be trying to cause an argument so that she has an opportunity to delve into her own issues. I don’t really think it’s anything to do with you, or your wedding, I think it’s her personal difficulties that are making her behave badly.
In your place, I’d ask her out for a drink in a public place to discuss it, and bring say five pictures each of different style dresses that you like. Discuss each dress, and figure out what she wants, and what you want, so that you can get her something she’s comfortable in. If she says, for example, ‘oh i don’t like the one, its strapless’ veto any in either pile that are strapless. if you say you don’t want any below the knee, take those out. You could end up with a couple of nice dresses in the pile.
i think the most important thing is reiterate how much you love her, and how pleased you are that she is standing up with you on your big day, and as she has already planned a wedding, remind her how much pressure sorting this conundrum will relieve.
@Lrroma181986: I see you deleted your post. It’s going to be ok!
It seems like she is used to getting her way. This time, don’t let her bully you.
This is your wedding and it’s YOU who has to look back over the photos for eternity.
If you give it, you set a precendent that she can take over.
Keep telling her to find another dress. If she does not, then you might have to find other alternatives.
I think that the other posters are right, for the most part – your wedding, your dress.
Maybe it’s a good idea to sit down with her and ask he what’s so great about the dress she likes? It might be a control thing, it might be a comfort thing, it might be that she didn’t even try on the dress you wanted.
Again, I’m sorry if I upset you.
@LuvMySailor: Thank you ladies. In the end it all worked out for the most part. Things blew up for a little while. She is VERY used to getting her way. I am the little sister and my voice gets drowned out a lot, so I don’t often bother to argue with her.
She has argued with me about the details of the bridesmaids dresses from the beginning. First she tried to change my mind on the length. I wanted short, she pushed for long. I wanted navy, she was pushing for royal blue.
I caved to a certain extent. I told her she could have a long dress if she wanted. As soon as I said that, suddenly the cut of the dress we both liked was acceptable. So she ended up getting the neckline that I preferred on her, and she got the length she wanted. This was definitely about control for her, among other things. She didn’t like not having the control. I don’t think it was ever actually about the dress for her. The only downside of letting her have a long dress was that now the other girls have to spend more money to get long dresses. Thank goodness my other bridesmaids took the dress I offered them without one single word of complaining.
She is doing a great job with my bridal shower. Props!
There have been multiple incidents in the wedding planning process with both of my older siblings that just make me very sad. They both seem to have forgotten that for once this isn’t about them. It just makes me want to cry. I am tired of feeling that way so I have stopped arguing. They have this feud between them and they are both oversensitive to each other, and they don’t realize that the end result is overflowing on to me. For years I have felt like I was stuck in the middle between them. I tried to be neutral. Well now it really hurts because they are hurting me more than they are hurting each other.
But I have a wonderful fiance who I can’t wait to marry and our wedding is going to be awesome no matter what!!! Less than three months!!!!
@CakeyP: It’s ok. I can totally see where you would be right under different circumstances. This is not a case of a demanding bride. This is a bride who is tired of being stepped on and walked all over. And I am letting her have a different dress from the other girls. I had very good reasons for not liking the dress she liked. Let’s just say the dress she liked was not conservative enough for a church wedding, among other things.
@Lrroma181986: I’m glad everything worked out OK.
I wish weddings didn’t bring out the weird in people, but they totally do – two of my BMs have suddenly brought the drama to the table in the last few weeks and it’s incredibly stressful!! So I got a bit of karma for my crankiness one month ago. 😛
I hope your peeps buck up and quit being stress-causers, or at least that you can learn to somehow tune it out.
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