- 9 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
i’m writing under a different user name just to keep my anonymity. well, here’s the situation. my fiance and i headed out tonight going to different places because i had to work a 1.5 extra hrs for a part time gig and his friends were in town. i really wanted to spend some time with him so i asked him if he can come with me so that we can move around together. he’s done it before. he said he didn’t want to go and that he just wanted to hang out with his friends. he told me to give him a call afterwards to meet up with him later. reluctantly i let go of the situation and just parted with him.
well, after i finish my gig i called him twice and he didn’t pick up. it made me pretty upset because i didn’t know where he was. he was supposed to let me know when i called. i was pretty much stuck at my part time gig not knowing where to go. (pt gig is an hour away from my house) i didn’t know what to do so i just headed home. on my way home i called his friend to see if i could talk to him. when i got him on the phone he said, “oh, i thought you’d just go home because you didn’t call by 9:30pm.” i had to tutor till 9:20pm. I called him at 10:00.
what makes me really upset is that to me it seems like he didn’t care whether i was waiting around my pt gig or just going home. to me, if someone was supposed to call by 9:30 to meet with me and at they didn’t call i’d be worried. he said he hadn’t realized it was 10pm. i guess 30 mins isn’t a whole lot of time but when you’re only mode of transportation is public transportation in this freezing whether it seems like more. i can understand that he can lose track of time but still it makes me sad that he didn’t worry about me.
all of that really sorta boils down to when he tells me that even though i feel fulfilled being around him he needs his friends. comments like that make me feel pathetic.i know guys need their guy time but he says it in a way that makes it seem like i’m on the same level as his friends.
he’s not really one with words but those comments really hurt me. when i ask for some quality time he says he’s spent the whole day with me what more could i want. to me, him being on the computer and me watching tv in the same room doesn’t register as spending time. it makes me super sad to hear that that’s enough for him. i guess i really want someone that’s more expressive of his feelings for me.
i just don’t know what to do. i know how i am. i know i’m super sensitive and need a whole lot of affection. i know i’m a lot of work. i just get so sad when he puts me second. ugh. i guess i’m just to dependant on him. btw, i’ve already communicated this to my Fiance. his response is, “don’t feel that way… why do you feel that way?” that’s it.
i often feel depressed over not feeling totally wanted by my Fiance. i know that sounds strange since he did ask me. but in all honesty, i pressured him big time to propose. i feel totally pathetic. he says he can’t help how he expresses his feelings for me. his version of love is doing whatever i tell him to do. but that’s not what i want. honestly i feel like i can’t live/be without him for the rest of my life but i feel like he can move on and be with someone else. i don’t ever feel like i’m THE ONE for him.
am i wrong for feeling sad? ugh.