- 4 months ago
A little background – my boyfriend just turned 30, and i’m 25 We have been dating for 3 years, but we don’t live together because I don’t want to unless we are engaged. We’ve talked about marriage, and it is on the path for us, we are ready, and can have open conversations about it, which is good.
Anyway, I know there are a billion posts on being jealous, but I need some advice. I don’t want to say that i’m “unhappily waiting” because I’ve kind of gotten over that whole slump and i’ve been doing more like going out with friends, the gym, more things that interest me, etc., thing, and it really has helped, but i’m still…waiting, while other things happen for other people, which brings me to my recent feelings.
It’s definitely hard to see others getting engaged that have been together for far less time than we have, but I also try really hard NOT to judge my relationship to others’, but then we do attend their weddings and it still jabs at me a little and then I actually feel guilty about feeling that way.
Two months ago, my bf’s brother and his wife (yes, we attended their wedding, too) told us that they were expecting. I love his brother and his wife, I really do! They are so fabulous. However, it’s hard to just be the girlfriend, and with all of these weddings and now this GREAT news (not even being sarcastic, I really am happy for them). I feel so comfortable with his family, but this really makes me feel the divide of being “actual” family and being “the girlfriend”, because he’s going to be the uncle. They got him a “world’s greatest uncle” shirt to break the news, which was funny and nice, but then I just sat there and gave them hugs and was so happy for them, but it kind of wedged the “divider” in a little farther because I feel like I was just there but not actually included, because i’m NOT technically family. I’m not going to just put myself in there and be the whole “i’m going to be an aunt!” thing because i’m not, and I felt this was pretty clear.
I will love their kid because my bf is going to be the uncle, obviously. But my boyfriend is just so excited to be an uncle that it is ALL he has talked about recently since finding out, which makes that divide seem even WORSE to me, because i’m waiting/just the girlfriend/etc. He texts me pictures of their sonograms, but might forget to reply to a question I asked him, for example. It’s ALL he talks about. Is this just excitement? I really do hold my tongue and I haven’t told him how I feel because I never want to downplay his excitement- I know it’s a big deal, and i’m so thrilled… but i’m thrilled for their family, and feel like my wait is going to be even longer now because he is so fixated on their lives, that I feel like ours is kind of derailed for the time being.
Am I just being nitpicky/selfish with my feelings? Should I just talk to him? I really don’t want to bring his excitement down at all, this is such a big deal/important for him!