(Closed) VENT – the "just the girlfriend" slump has returned

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I’m in a very similiar situation! My boyfriend of 4.5 has a sister who just had a baby girl and I had a lot of similiar feelings. My situation is a bit different though in that his family actively considers me an aunt. When his sister announced that she was pregnant she even gave me a gift that said “Congrats you’re going to be an Aunt!” so I was always still included. I’ve had several people in my own family make comments to me about how I’m not actually an aunt until there’s a ring on my finger though so I’m sure there are plenty of people on the outside who think I’m weird for calling myself an aunt. I definitely sympathize with the slightly jealous even though you’re happy for them type of feeling though. I’ve been waiting for my bf to propose for a few months now (he has the ring so it could be any day) but with all of the baby excitement I think it’s kinda just gotten pushed to the back of his mind. Which is understandable but at the same time I’m over here like HEY let’s get engaged. I think the best advice I could give to both of us is just to be patient. Our time will come. I’d talk to your bf about a timeline for engagement but probably wouldn’t bring the baby into the conversation. Also, I think it sometimes takes guys forever to act on this stuff. My bf wanted to buy a ring but had no clue what he was doing when it came to buying a ring so he just pushed it off and pushed it off until I eventually nudged him in the right direction. 

Post # 17
Member
14 posts
Newbee

3 years is not that long. i dont understand why are you so worried? basically 3 years = 1095 days. is that too much? nope. just wait and enjoy your relationhip and stop worrying so much, it is not worth it.

Post # 18
Member
8641 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s a really good sign that your BF is super excited to be an uncle and sharing sonogram pictures. There’s a good chance that is giving him even more of an incentive and that his mind is exactly where you want it to be. 

But stop giving him mixed messages. Why would you do that? It’s not unreasonable to want to be engaged after three years together, all else being equal. You’ve already discussed rings, so I don’t see why you need to be coy about this.

Post # 19
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

So, which is it?  Are you ok with waiting?  Or are you ready for the next step?  You say you’ve talked of marriage, but you are still waiting.  Have you told him you are ready?  I think if you really think about this you are ready.  Tell him.

Post # 20
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

It seems like you are unhappy. I would advise for you to talk to him directly and say you dont want to wait anymore because it is clear you dont want to wait.

Post # 22
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think there’s some unsaid rule that it’s “uncool” to want to get engaged and bring it up to your bf. I would definitely talk with him and say exactly how you feel. Tell him when you want to get married and when you want to get engaged by. See what he thinks about those dates and go from there. It’s possible he’s 100% ready but he doesn’t want to rush you. 

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