(Closed) Vent: the moment I tell my parents the invite list is closed….

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oooh, I know this. My parents are pulling the whole “We’re paying for it so we get to choose!” thing. They just don’t get that you can’t invite everybody and their mom!!

Post # 4
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Ugh.  I feel you.  Can you compromise to kick out at least some of the new ones?

Post # 5
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’m going through this right now. I don’t have any good advice, but just wanted to chime in with a “that really SUCKS, doesn’t it?” cuz.. well, it sucks. 😉

Post # 6
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

UGH!!! I have been asking my mother for a guest list forever! She hasn’t managed to even mention this to me. Can’t wait til she sees my list…only like 1/2 our family is on it because frankly, I’m not that close to the rest of them. My whole extended family is going to flip out but oh well.

Post # 8
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i said to my parents…

You can invite ANYONE you want to the wedding (were having it in a garden) however we are having a maximum of 150 at the reception. We will be paying for 80 (that was all our budget will allow) and if you want to have any other guest part from that 80 you can pay for it. I did say it in alot nicer words than that but it was the jist. They agreed and at last count it was 205 coming to the wedding ceremony and 150 to the reception.

FH parents arent chipping in anything towards the wedding. So we are doing this solo with my parents and i dont mind. But each situation is very differant, i think who is contributing the cost towards the reception should have quite a big say. But thats just me.


Post # 9
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This is a big reason why Fiance & I are insisting on paying for the wedding ourselves (despite both sets of parents’ generous offers)…we really want our wedding to be OUR way, with OUR guests, on OUR timeline. 

But to curtail “those” conversations, we asked each set of parents: “If I can only afford 2-3 couples/families, who would you want me to invite?”.  Then, we let them know that the STD’s would be going out on X date so, if they REALLY wanted their chosen people to come, we’d need to know a week before.  It worked out well, I think mostly because of the structure…we didn’t let them make a “guest list”, or set tables, or argue “well, if you invite Aunt A, then Aunt B needs an invite, too”.  All they had to work with was 2-3 couples/families by X date or we’d reabsorb the numbers & invite more friends. 

Don’t know if that works for your situation, but I think giving a “consequence” to the deadline helps.

Post # 10
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

our venue has a max capacity and it has helped because they guest list can’t inflate past that.  The other venue we looked at, we would have had almost 300 people there I’m sure!

Post # 11
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had to explain to my mom that all of her 2nd and 3rd cousins and (super) extened family that you never see will not be invited just to show up and eat and drink when they don’t know me all that well and don’t know my fiance.  And I had to explain the same to my dad about all of his friends that he hangs out with. 

I didn’t want people to get an invite in the mail and be “Who’s daughter is this again?”  I want people at my wedding who know me, my fiance, or both of us!!

Post # 12
57 posts
Worker bee

If your problem is money, charge the parents a per-plate surcharge for additional guests! But if the problem is the size of the venue, you should make that clear. Or give them an outside figure for max number of guests *from the outset* explaining there isn’t room for another chair.

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