VENT THREAD – no one held accountable for what they say here, lol

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 151
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

 

downonmulberry :   nope, this a judgement-free vent thread. Complain away!

browneyedgirl24 :  judgement free thread here. U can’t tell someone what you think they should do//disagree w them. 

Post # 153
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

ahsoka :  I get so enraged by all of it. And I truly don’t mean to victim blame ever because that is never the answer, but I feel like if women can’t change men, we need to focus on prevention and education.

My mom made a lot of bad decisions but she always taught me to recognize abuse and run. My mother does not fuck around with that shit. I’ve always been the type to hit back. Always. Seeing weakness in others is so frustrating for me.

It’s mind-boggling to me that some women lap it up like spilled milk. Like. Survival, ladies! Let’s fucking go!

How some women lift cars to save their kids, and others cover up abuse, I will never understand. I’m a naturally fiery person, I can’t imagine taking it sitting down. I’m just not that person.

Post # 155
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

ahsoka :  I know the science and the psychology. Abusers are predators, in every sense of the word. And there are definitely women who are more prone to fall into these traps – minorities, immigrants, uneducated, low income, young, no close family – women who don’t have the legal, physical, economic, or social resources to combat these things. Predators pick them out because they think these women don’t know any better and in too many cases, it’s true.

I actually get what you’re saying about the gaslighting. It’s like being really tired for a long time and trying to fight it, then waking up and realizing you were asleep the whole time.

I was with a guy who thankfully never got physical but he would just cut me down all the time until I got to a point of “oh my God, this is how it starts”. He gaslit me pretty consistently. I pushed away friends, family, gave up hobbies, holidays. I realized his put downs are someone else’s fists. But really, if you don’t know there are signs, how can you protect yourself?

The only reason my mom knew these things is because she’s a nurse, she’s taken psychology courses and is a trained medical professional, bound by law to report signs of abuse. But no one teaches this shit. If she was a secretary, she would have no clue. And this is how it happens. This is why it’s normal.

After realizing what happened with my ex, I knew I was at risk of being in a physically abusive relationship. So I’ve been vigilant, I go to therapy, I’m educated on firearm use and safety, I have a concealed carry permit – I’m giving myself the resources to defend myself physically and emotionally, whether from a stranger or someone else.

I’ve lived with PTSD for five and a half years now and I know I won’t survive if I’m ever assaulted again. The first time was too hard and it almost killed me. I almost lost.

There is a great comedy skit I’ve seen, I believe it’s Daniel Tosh, where he talks about people being fucked up, and it’s true. He says something like “I love my mom, but if someone told me she murdered a school bus full of children, I would believe it”. It’s  true. No one is above these things. We look down on criminals but we are all capable of the same things. One bad decision or mental instability and we’re right there. Anyone can be an abuser or a victim. The potential for violence is in all of us, and we have to take a stand against it.

We need to stand up for ourselves.

 

Post # 156
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

ahsoka :  And I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m above anyone who finds themselves in an abusive situation. I’m only human, I’m just as prone.

Post # 158
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee

lifeisbeeutiful :  Apologies, I didn’t mean that to come off as judgmental — the bee I tagged was complaining about Herbalife and I was trying to share helpful info. 

Post # 159
Member
4738 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I grew up across the street from a girl who was maybe five years older than me. We are friends on social media.

I get a message from her out of the blue “have you heard about this product??? It’s amazeballs and it’s a must have and blah blah blah, let me know if you want to hear more about it!!”

So I didn’t respond, I knew where it was going. So she messages me again a day or so later, this time asking if she offended me or overwhelmed me and that she was just trying to share something that she loves and that she only refers friends and then she asked how my daughter was doing with her tonsillectomy recovery

This time I responded and said I didn’t know what company she was talking about (it was conveniently left out of the first message) and that my daughter was doing well

She responded and gave me the name of the company. I looked it up, and she gets points if she refers people who sign up for a monthly program and the points earn her commissions. The products are apparently overpriced too. And like 95% of the people in this program earned $0 in commissions for the year that I saw (maybe 2016?)

So I didn’t respond and a week later she messages me again with “ME AGAIN!! There is a live informational video blah blah blah here’s the link”

I didn’t respond. I haven’t removed her either but I will if this keeps going. I’m not entirely sure how to say LEAVEEEE ME ALONNNNEEEEEEEEEE without feeling like a complete bitch.

But come on, clearly I’m not interested, I just don’t have the heart to tell you

Post # 160
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee

downonmulberry :  I share your sentiments,  although I can see how this happens: some women are afraid to be alone, or afraid they will never find someone else. Thus they stay in a bad situation that is deteriorating. 

Post # 161
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

My best friend & Future Sister-In-Law were nice enough to plan me a little bachelorette……..THE DAY BEFORE MY WEDDING. Sigh. I’m grateful that they planned a spa morning, brunch & casino adventure but ffs could it BE at a worse time? Ugh. 

Post # 162
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

sunburn :  Yup. It’s heartbreaking and evil, but also easy. When I step back, it would be hard to leave someone I’m really in love with. It’s such an easy trap.

Post # 163
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I want to say hmm I have nothing to say besides I eat boogers yup when I lay in bed at night I eat them 

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