Post # 1
So I got my first uninvited extra guest added to an RSVP today! I was expecting it, and I was totally prepared to nicely but firmly put anyone in their place if they were presumptuous enough to add people. Not just for me, but for brides and grooms in general; if I could, I was going to educate my guests that you DON’T RSVP FOR PEOPLE WHO WEREN’T INVITED. I ws so prepared with my “While we’d love to have ____ at the wedding, unfortunately due to venue restrictions, we can’t accommodate additional guests.” Let people know you can’t get away with that.
However, the people who added their adult son are relatives of my dad’s who I haven’t seen in 20 years (and I am 27). I wouldn’t recognize them if I had a 20 minute conversation with them. My dad told me there was a 0% chance they would even come themselves. ; I couldn’t pick them out of a lineup. On our wedding day, I will probably think they are part of Mr. Baliahi’s family.
BUT, they are my dad’s family, and he is SUPER concerned with being a gracious host, and is paying for about 2/3 of the wedding. He says that we can’t say anything to them, we just need to let this guy come. I’ll be honest, my reasons are purely selfish: I don’t really want random univited strangers there, and on principle, I don’t think people who bully an extra seat at a wedding should be accommodated. Especially people that the bride or groom don’t know!
I will not say anything, because that is my dad’s prerogative. I want him to be happy and I will be gracious on the wedding day and not even hint that I think all 3 people are being the epitome of rude. BUT, I will vent here and I WILL continue to think they are terribly impolite. UGH. How audacious people can be!
Post # 3
You are correct on all fronts – don’t say a word
Post # 4
Hahaha, How I would love to be able to put “While we’d love to have ____ at the wedding, unfortunately due to venue restrictions, we can’t accommodate additional guests.”!!
I am sure there will be some people at the reception that I could deal without seeing, however I know I cannot let that/them ruin MY night 🙂
Post # 5
I understand, that’s one of my MAIN concerns, specially cause I’ll send invites, people won’t have to RSVP. But I’m totally with you in the not having people the bride and groom don’t know at the wedding, it’s a special, meaningful, personal occasion.. :S
Post # 6
To keep yourself sane, just think of all the thank you cards you *could* write: “It was wonderful to see you again – it’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years! I hope we will keep in better touch over the next 20. It was also such a pleasure to finally meet Relative X for the first time. Thank you for bringing him.”
Post # 7
This is the part of the whole wedding planning process I’m dreading. We haven’t sent our invitations yet, but I’m already getting unwanted guests added when we call to get mailing addresses. Seriously people?! Why do you think that since you’re getting an invitation it means you can invite random people. Hey, if i wanted so and so at the wedding I’ll go ahead and invite them myself THANK YOU VERY MUCH! (phew sorry, had to vent)
Post # 8
I also was cajoled into inviting some family members due to reasons of family obligation. My mom said something similar to your dad – “oh don’t worry honey, I’m sure they won’t come – we barely keep in touch” Famous last words…I know some of these folks have made hotel reservations for the weekend (formal invitations haven’t gone out yet).
On the other hand, I had carefully adressed our STD’s to indicate that everyone is allowed a +1. Some overly-considerate people checked with me to make sure that it was intentional and planned.
I think your approach is the best, especially if you can fit them into the budget. That’s what I plan on doing as well.
Post # 9
@lmoss78: Yeah, Fiance and I have been joking that my dad is REALLY bad at estimating who would come and who wouldn’t. We already have 10 yeses that he gave a 0% probability to. I even asked him on Tuesday: “Forget about whether they care about Fiance and I, what about them thinking of it like a family renunion and/or vacation to San Diego? Doo you think they will still say no?” He assured me they would.
The next day the RSVP came from one of our “Definitely no” couples – “Yes, plus our 40 year old son who you may or may not have ever met before!” The funny thing is they have 2 other kids (married) that they left off for some reason, but I am just glad that they didn’t RSVP back that 7 would be coming!
I am trying to keep a sense of humor about it, because it is technically in our budget. However, I was really hoping we’d come in under budget (just because I can afford to spend $1,000 feeding strangers, doesn’t mean I want to!), and these people are definitely throwing a wrench in things!