- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
This is a vent. I’m not really looking for advice, just need to get it out. Also, the first couple paragraphs are back story that I actually vented about before but it was never resolved and lead to my current issue.
So back in October or whenever it was that we were collecting addresses for save the dates, I realized that FI is pretty much not close to anyone in his extended family. He couldn’t tell me some of their last names, if they were married, if they had kids, etc. So when it came down to calling for addresses, his whole list went to his mom to collect addresses. My personal opinion was that if he wasn’t close enough to contact them for an address for the wedding (or at least know last names, spouses names, etc.) then he wasn’t close enough for them to be invited. We have limited space and I’d rather that space be filled with people we are close to. But they are his family so of course I wouldn’t say no they can’t come.
Well, when his mom called his uncle (his dad’s brother, we’ll call him J) and his wife (we’ll call her D), D’s sister and her husband were there. So D gave their address but apparently her sister and brother in law also wanted to come. They aren’t family…they are FI’s uncle’s wife’s sister and brother in law. So no relation. FI has never met them or even heard about them. FI’s mom and dad have never met them. But apparently they want to come to our wedding. Um, no. I cannot invite all of my family that I’m close to so we are definitely not inviting strangers. Well FI’s mom is apparently clueless when it comes to weddings and has no concept that venues have limits. And even if they didn’t, our budget has limits. So she gets the address of these strangers and we notice it when we get the list of addresses back. We called and asked her about it and she explained who these people were and we said that they can’t come. We just don’t have the space. But neither she nor FI wanted to call J and D to tell them these two people can’t come. Both just say we won’t send a save the date or invite and they’ll figure out they aren’t invited.
Fast forward to yesterday. We get J and D’s RSVP back and they’ve added these two people to it! I’m PISSED! I’m pissed at FI for not taking care of this before when I said over and over we needed to tell them. If they’re clueless enough to think two strangers would be invited, they’re clueless enough to just bring them even when they don’t get an invite. This all could’ve been avoided. FI of course wants his mom to call and tell J & D these two people can’t come with. I said no. I don’t trust her to do it. She’s too nice and would feel bad about putting her foot down. So he is going to do it.
And to top all of this off, FI keeps wanting to add friends from work. He’s added three so far (plus spouses, so 6 guests really) and keeps wanting to add more. I told him we do NOT have room. We are over capacity and I’m just hoping we get a lot of “no”s back. We planned on inviting 100 and hoped to get 80 people say yes. We ended up inviting 112 and so far have only gotten one couple saying no and 57 have said yes. And FI says all the guys at work keep asking to come and he said he feels like a jerk if he says no when they ask. I’ve told him that anyone who has a clue about weddings knows there are limits and wouldn’t take it personally. Out of our 112 people invited, only 14 are friends and their spouses. The rest are family. We both have big families so that limits the friends we can invite. But FI just can’t seem to say no. I’ve cut family and friends and he keeps adding people. It’s just so frustrating!
Anyway, like I said, I’m not really looking for advice. I just feel better venting here than to FI. I’ve of course explained to him what needs to be done in each situation, but I’m so frustrated about it all. It doesn’t help that he isn’t exactly helping plan anything (which is fine). But then his parents are disagreeing with every choice I make. They disagree with cupcakes over cake. They don’t like the menu my mom and I chose. They don’t like my ideas for decorating. They don’t like what the groomsmen are wearing (which was actually FI’s choice…once I told them that, they liked it). They don’t like the colors. So yeah…I’m just stressed and need to get all of this out so I don’t blow up!