Post # 1
It’s been a while since I last posted but I was off trying to figure things out. Before I get into my vent I’ll give you a small background on my situation. When we first got engaged my parents offered to either give us money to help with a down payment or a large wedding. At first I thought I wanted the wedding. However, after thinking about it I realized it was much smarter to take the money and use it to buy a house. This was still possible because the only deposit I had made was for the reception venue and I could get the full deposit back up until a year before the wedding. My parents even offered to spend a little extra money so that I could have both a wedding and money for a house as long as I kept the wedding reasonable (My parents are wonderful and generous to a fault!).
Over the last few weeks I have trying to figure out a way to have a wedding that was inexpensive yet elegant. It didn’t take me long however, to realize that planning a large wedding just isn’t me. It’s too stressful for someone like me who is an indecisive perfectionist. Besides, with our family consisting of 90 people there would be no way around having a large wedding. I would much rather have a nice intimate wedding anyways. I started doing research and found The American Club in Kohler Wisconsin. It is a five diamond resort/spa and I could have a breathtaking wedding for 20 people for about 5 grand. My parents would pay a little, his parents would pay a little, and Joe and I would chip in. All and all it would allow me to have a wedding that was cost effective and would save my parents money. PLUS! The wedding would be wonderful and would make me very very happy! However! My family isn’t being supportive!
Both my grandpa and dad do not like the idea. From what my mom said my grandpa didn’t like the idea of my aunts and uncles not being invited (I would have 9 people to invite and picked my parents (2), sister, grandpa, other set of grandparents (2), two cousins, and a friend). Note that if we go this route we would get together with the family after the wedding to celebrate at a nice restaurant (we would do the same for my fiancé’s family). My dad also doesn’t like the idea although no one is sure why. My sister thinks it’s a cute idea but she doesn’t understand how I could even think of getting married without my entire family. However, she doesn’t understand that with my Fiancé’s large family we would have at the very least, 90 people at the wedding. There is not really any middle ground. I know I will never be able to please everyone but I want them to be supporitve. I also don’t want to hurt any feelings. My mom thinks we will have to have a family get together where I tell everyone my choice and why I made it (convenience, money, est.). It’s just frustrating! I really don’t want anyone to be upset or sad, that is not our intention at all!
Thanks for listening to my vent. Now for some fun stuff! The great thing about this place is that they have a florist and baker on site. They also have linens and food. Therefore, all we would need to do for getting outside vendors would be getting a photographer, someone to perform the wedding, and someone to do ceremony music. The ceremony would take place outside in the courtyard terrace that is attached to the room in the picture below. That room is where we would have the reception dinner. I’ve found other weddings that were done in the room below and it looks very pretty with white linens and pale pink accents. Very regal!
Well I’ve babbled on enough. Thank you for reading and any input would be welcome!
Post # 3
Honestly, to me, spending 5K for 20 people seems … extravagent?
We’re having a wedding for twice that and inviting 10x the people! Maybe your dad doesn’t see it as a cost effective option?
ETA: I didn’t mean that to sound critical. Hopefully it didn’t!
Post # 4
i personally couldnt see getting married without my huge insane family there! But that is my personal opinion. I did a very nice wedding for $10,000 for about 150 people 🙂
Post # 5
I agree with daydreamwanderer… i think you can still stick to your 5K budget and include more of your family. 5K for 20 ppl is very very lux and in the end the other family may feel left out.. i want all my family to be at mine and i plant to keep mine under 6K because i’m having a friendor help with catering
Post # 6
I think your idea sounds wonderful! We too have decided to splurge on our guests for a small wedding (11 guests) and then have a reception for family later. My dad was really upset at first when he found out his brother and sister would not be invited. We had a number of talks about it and finally he has come around, partly because he could see that the reception really is centered around his family and will be honoring them, just in a different way. Yes, you can do just about anything for different prices, but stick with your vision. I also couldn’t stand the thought of a huge wedding or having anyone present who wasn’t excited about attending our wedding. I have been to so many weddings and have found that small weddings have a completely different vibe than big weddings, so do what you want.
I would suggest stepping back for a minute. Instead of trying to sell your family on a small wedding and Kohler at the same time, just let them get used to the idea that you will not have a large traditional wedding. Let your family know that the size of the wedding is non-negotiable whether they pay or not.
Once your family realizes that your wedding will be small regardless, you can talk more about the Kohler club. However, if you are expecting your family to pay you may have to make more compromises if they absolutely do not agree with what you are doing. I know the Kohler club, it is beautiful and would make a great location. But maybe you could come up with a place similarly awesome that just you and your fiancee could afford on your own (as a backup) and still have the smaller wedding you envision. Good luck, I’m sure it will be amazing!
Post # 8
We spent 5K on our wedding and had 110 guests. Admittedly, we skipped a lot of the typical reception but it was still a nice wedding.
Post # 9
Planning a large wedding is so stressful, just trying to hunt down all the addresses, phone numbers, and food allergies for that many people is stressful! Then you have seating charts and who RSVP’d and who drinks too much so they don’t start singing kareoke are your wedding. Go for the small wedding! It may be hard to explain to your family, but maybe if you explain how you want time to enjoy your reception, not stand in a receiving line for three hours greeting everyone, and trying to learn all the extended family of your new family. As far as the cost goes, it shouldn’t be thought of as price per person. Having a small wonderful wedding could be so much better than a huge average wedding. With a small wedding you get the chance to really spend time with each guest. If your Dad really pushes his sisters and brothers being there, just say “Dad, they will always be our family, but on our special day we want to keep it small, and then when we see your family, we can also keep it small. It’s not fair for your sisters and brothers to be deprived of plenty of 1 on 1 attention, it’s not fair to any of the guests. The small wedding, with family gatherings afterwards mean each person gets special attention and time with the new couple, instead of a huge wedding where you can barely remember peoples names, much less anything about them.” If you show that a small wedding, with small group meetings after let’s each person be even more involved, and feel even more special, how could he argue?