(Closed) Vent -Unsupportive family (Sorry that it’s so long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, to me, spending 5K for 20 people seems … extravagent?

We’re having a wedding for twice that and inviting 10x the people! Maybe your dad doesn’t see it as a cost effective option?

ETA: I didn’t mean that to sound critical. Hopefully it didn’t!

Post # 4
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i personally couldnt see getting married without my huge insane family there! But that is my personal opinion.  I did a very nice wedding for $10,000 for about 150 people 🙂

Post # 5
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with daydreamwanderer…  i think you can still stick to your 5K budget and include more of your family.  5K for 20 ppl is very very lux and in the end the other family may feel left out.. i want all my family to be at mine and i plant to keep mine under 6K because i’m having a friendor help with catering

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I think your idea sounds wonderful!  We too have decided to splurge on our guests for a small wedding (11 guests) and then have a reception for family later.  My dad was really upset at first when he found out his brother and sister would not be invited.  We had a number of talks about it and finally he has come around, partly because he could see that the reception really is centered around his family and will be honoring them, just in a different way.  Yes, you can do just about anything for different prices, but stick with your vision.  I also couldn’t stand the thought of a huge wedding or having anyone present who wasn’t excited about attending our wedding.  I have been to so many weddings and have found that small weddings have a completely different vibe than big weddings, so do what you want. 

I would suggest stepping back for a minute.  Instead of trying to sell your family on a small wedding and Kohler at the same time, just let them get used to the idea that you will not have a large traditional wedding.  Let your family know that the size of the wedding is non-negotiable whether they pay or not. 

Once your family realizes that your wedding will be small regardless, you can talk more about the Kohler club.  However, if you are expecting your family to pay you may have to make more compromises if they absolutely do not agree with what you are doing. I know the Kohler club, it is beautiful and would make a great location. But maybe you could come up with a place similarly awesome that just you and your fiancee could afford on your own (as a backup) and still have the smaller wedding you envision.  Good luck, I’m sure it will be amazing!

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee
Post # 8
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We spent 5K on our wedding and had 110 guests. Admittedly, we skipped a lot of the typical reception but it was still a nice wedding.

Post # 9
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Planning a large wedding is so stressful, just trying to hunt down all the addresses, phone numbers, and food allergies for that many people is stressful! Then you have seating charts and who RSVP’d and who drinks too much so they don’t start singing kareoke are your wedding. Go for the small wedding! It may be hard to explain to your family, but maybe if you explain how you want time to enjoy your reception, not stand in a receiving line for three hours greeting everyone, and trying to learn all the extended family of your new family. As far as the cost goes, it shouldn’t be thought of as price per person. Having a small wonderful wedding could be so much better than a huge average wedding. With a small wedding you get the chance to really spend time with each guest. If your Dad really pushes his sisters and brothers being there, just say “Dad, they will always be our family, but on our special day we want to keep it small, and then when we see your family, we can also keep it small. It’s not fair for your sisters and brothers to be deprived of plenty of 1 on 1 attention, it’s not fair to any of the guests. The small wedding, with family gatherings afterwards mean each person gets special attention and time with the new couple, instead of a huge wedding where you can barely remember peoples names, much less anything about them.” If you show that a small wedding, with small group meetings after let’s each person be even more involved, and feel even more special, how could he argue?

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