(Closed) Vent: Unwanted marriage advice

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

It’ll get better in a bit but it really annoyed me as well.  I worked in what seemed like a boys club when I was engaged and I got sooooooo many sarcastic comments from these middle aged men about how terrible life was going to be.  I tried my best to laugh it off but I’m sure my eyes said ‘I think you’re gross’, it really made me look at them like they were pigs for talking about their wives like that, even if they were ‘joking’.

Post # 4
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

No it’s totally annoying.

But this is one of those things to make humor out of for yourself If I got an email that said, “It’s okay not to spend a lot on Fiance before you’re married” I’d probably respond something like, “Yeah, because I plan on giving FAR fewer blowjobs after.”

Takes the edge off.

Post # 6
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This is so annoying. I know a girl who is married to one of FI’s friends that does this. We’ve been together for close to 8 years, they’ve been together for two and married for one of those years. So any advice she gives is something we’ve already been through and taken care of. However, I can’t be rude because I think her husband is wonderful (I’ve known the guys in our group since we were 12).

Post # 8
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

My Fiance has been getting a ton of advice! and complaints! YIKES!

He is a teacher and the other male teachers all think he is a total chick magnet (he’s a good deal younger than the rest of them… and adorable!) and keep saying things like:

 “oh you’re giving up the single life?!”

“You know you’ll have to let her decorate and you’ll have to check in before EVERYTHING, right?”

 “you know how they stopped the oil flow from putting out any more? they put a wedding ring on it” yuk yuk yuk.

He laughs it off, but its funny what he tells me. I think men are way worse than women with this stuff.

Post # 9
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I know exactly what you mean! There are some people that think just because they have been married for like a week, they are now relationship experts. Ummmm…….not really. I have friends who have been married shorter than my Husband and I have been together for the length of our entire relationship who will tell me certain things that are just ridiculous. Just because one thing happens to a certain couple, there is no guarantee that it will happen to me and my Darling Husband. I just don’t really respond. Or I’ll say, “well we’ll see how it goes, but we are going to do what is right for us.”

Silly people….

Post # 10
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think unwanted advice on your relationship sucks no matter who it’s coming from. Granted, advice from my aunt who has been married for 38 years might be better than advice from my cousin who has been married 3 times all less than a year, but if I’m not asking then I don’t want to hear it!

 My Fiance haven’t been together that long (lived together about 2 years now) and I here unwanted advice from everyone….I don’t care if you’ve been with you SO for 4 years or 40 everyone’s relationship is different. Your friend shouldn’t assume that just because her realtionship is one way yours will be too.

I have one friend that has been with her man for 6 years now, but their relationship is so screwed up that I would never even think twice about her giving me advice. On the other hand I have a friend who got married this August and I’d much rather have her advice (when asked) because her and her SO treat each other with so much respect and devotion. It’s all relative in the end. I’d just shrug that friend off. lol.

Post # 11
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

@JennyW1: ROTFL!  I bet that’s what the coworker meant 😉

Post # 12
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh yes! Unsolicited advice is annoying in any context, especially when it’s coming from a hypocrite!

One of my friends had a really hard time adjusting to living with her fiance. He was unemployed for a long time and yet he still refused to lift a finger to help her with the housework. She would come home from her full-time job that was supporting his lazy ass, and their place would be a pigsty with him sitting in the middle of it playing video games.

I listened to her complaints sympathetically until she started turning it around on me, saying that I shouldn’t think it’ll be any different for me and my boyfriend when we move in together, we’re going to fight all the time and it’s going to be horrible, whatever. I never said I thought it would be easy! And my boyfriend isn’t a chauvinist pig who makes random sexist comments all the time and thinks cleaning is a woman’s job, but sure okay, thanks for the advice?

Anyway, her Fiance is still employed just part-time and spends most of his days sitting around, while mine is working full-time, volunteering, and heavily involved in local athletics. Our place is not a pigsty, and while we have little spats about his crumbs on the counter or my tendency to make piles of clothes, it’s nothing major. She doesn’t say anything about it to me anymore!

Post # 13
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ew! I know what you mean…  I hate comments like this…  it is almost condescending advice.  There are a lot of people like this — not just married people .  If you pay attention – I bet she is an expert in about 500 other areas.    I do not take criticism or advice well — basically because most of the time people have no idea what they are talking about… so what you are talking about is one of my number one irritations.   What is funny about her comment is there is no statistic on what you should or shouldnt spend on your SO before or after you are married!  It is totally based on your income, what your family traditions are, what you need, etc!

I am going to steal a minute to vent since it is related:

I have a sister in law (future) who is the typical one-upper, no matter what you have done- she has a friend or someone she knows,  who has done it twice or better or more.  She is also FAMOUS for what you are talking about.  She is an expert in EVERYTHING.  I feel like she starts every sentence with “TRUST ME”  Here is a sample conversation.  

Me:  I was thinking about getting white chairs for the wedding rather than brown

Her:   Trust me, that would look terrible… Havent you ever looked at decorating magazines? ( not in a mean tone, like she is giving you the best advice you have ever heard)

Me: Really ? Yeah I have, lots of people use white chairs.

Her: Oh my gosh nooooo….white chais are cheap Havent you ever heard that before?  TYPICALLY ( another word she uses to cover her B.S. Expertise)  people have brown chairs for weddings because white look so cheap. 

Now obviously as Bees – we know this is BS.  But she thinks she is the expert in every area of life….. Whatever her opinion is – IS THE BIBLE. 

Post # 14
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Totally annoying i hear you girl i have friends that do the same all the time! i have single friends who try to give me single advice even friends who have never been in relationships or who can not keep a man due to reasons i’m very aware of… anyways sorry but it gets me pissed off when this happens.. just ignore them its all we can really do

Post # 16
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

@JennyW1:

BWWWAAAAHAAAAA! Awesome – don’t worry, I’ll give you credit when I pull that line out next time! lol

 

@UpstateCait:

Not sure if you remember me from the ‘i don’t want babies’ thread Smile but we have been together for 7 years and have all joint accounts, have lived together for 6 years, moved to 3 different states together, have a dog – all that jazz and know that marriage will also be a formality.  Plus, I’ve been married so I already KNOW that we live as married people 😛  I get so annoyed when some twit that’s been with their husband for 1/5 of the time I’ve been with my guy makes stupid comments like that.  I, on the other hand have a big mouth (to make up for my 5′ tall frame) and usually just ‘shuterdown’ by saying ‘when you’ve lived with and shared finances with your hubby as long as I have with my guy then I’ll take advice from you’ and that usually works wonders.

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