Post # 1
Before I start, I apologize to anyone who reads this.
Everything I’ve tried planning for the wedding has either failed, been wrong, or been eyerolled by numerous people so much that I just dropped it. Our dog has taken to peeing and pooping in the house immediately after we’ve taken him outside to potty. The house repairs aren’t getting done because my FI is back at work and is just too busy or too tired. My parents will be here soon and it will be the first time they see us in over a year and the first time they will see our home and I can’t keep it clean because no one except me seems to care. As an example of how disgusting this can be: The toilet brush has been used to unclog the toilet and without cleaning it, is put into the holder and the dirty water was splashed on the walls, the baseboards, and the floor and just left there. Our caterer forgot about us and so I spent last week trying to find a last minute replacement which ended up costing more but at least this one will show up . . hopefully. I gave FI the job of finding a hotel room for our wedding night and he hasn’t and I looked around, they’re all booked up so we’ll be coming back to our house where our tenant will be around, just another night like any other. Our backup venue (because the one we chose is outside) is STILL undergoing renovations so when our date comes, the ceiling will still be ripped off, exposing the beautiful construction of the new roof they put up 4 years ago . . . .
I just can’t take it anymore. I am on the verge of tears or just have anger bubbling under the surface all the time and I just hate feeling that way. A few days ago, I just stopped or maybe I just broke. I put down the dishes I was cleaning, grabbed a bottle of wine, went to our bedroom, drank it all, and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, FI was in bed in his clothes and I was still upset so I got up and went back to cleaning. I’ve been asking him every couple of weeks if we could just cancel this wedding and go elope like I wanted but he laughs it off and says it’s just one day and then we’ll be married and that’s all that matters. I give up, I’ve already lost the war so I’ll fake smile and fake enjoy myself and hopefully no one will know any different.
I realize this is petty and stupid and I’ll probably end up flamed for it but I just had to vent.
Post # 2
I have no advice But I wanted you to know that I read everything you wrote and OMG. I’m so sorry. Id be worse off then you are. I’d have wine shipped to my house weekly. I hope things get better soon! You’re deff one tough lady to put up with with. Serenity now… Insanity later. ***hugs****
Post # 3
LemonyItch: not petty, not stupid. Who is half assing the cleaning? That was unclear. If it’s you, don’t bother cleaning, just get a maid.
If it’s FI, he needs to step up and get a maid.
Get a wedding planner or just scale back. I’m scaling back and it’s such a relief.
also, just do what you want. The stress probably comes from wanting approval, otherwise wgaf if someone pooh poohs your ideas?
as long as they’re thought through, wgaf?
Post # 4
Take a deep breath and think about everything you have. You have family coming in to see you, and they care about you so much. You have a dog that you love and care about. You have a home, and even if it isn’t the cleanest, it’s more than what a lot of people have. And the best thing? IN TWO WEEKS YOU’RE MARRYING YOUR FIANCE! 🙂
So your wedding planning isn’t perfect, and maybe the guests will get a little bit cold or rained on. It won’t kill them. And at the end of the day, you’ll be married. 🙂 Stop stressing and try to enjoy the small things; you’ll be glad you did.
Post # 5
this is CRAZY. get some help! call a cleaning service, hire someone from craigslist for 10 dollars an hour to come and HELP YOU! this is mental – order a pizza tonight and text your fiance that you guys are spending a solid hour cleaning. i don’t know how big your place is, but my fiance and i would do a DEEP clean of our 2 bed apartment each weekend and with two of us working hard, we could clean the bathroom (tub and everything), vaccuum all carpets, take out the garbage, mop the kitchen floor, clean out the fridge etc. then we’d open the windows to air the place out and light some nice candles!
call a dog walking service this week. pay a neighbourhood kid to come after school or after work to walk your dog for an hour. sometimes dogs do that when they’re stressed, and honestly, you’re stressed, the house is a mess – they might be picking up on that and regressing. the dog likely needs some good exercise and fresh air and hopefully that will help. if not, at least the dog got a good walk. if you can’t afford to hire someone, call a friend and ask them to help.
as for the wedding night – delegate if you don’t have time. tell your friend that you have $x budget and could they please find you somewhere to stay. look on hotels.com, expedia, hotwire etc if you can’t find something, call local hotels – sometimes they’re holding a room for a party who’s downsized, or they have a room that can be turned over with notice. it’s worth a try!
call the caterer and confirm everything. make sure they have the contact # of someone OTHER THAN YOU for the day of so that if they get lost or whatever, they call your best friend who can deal with it. email them to confirm ‘hi x, i just wanted to email to confirm the conversation we had today that you’ll be at x place, at y time, providing xyz service for 123 price.’ then you have it on paper and everyone is on the same page.
Post # 6
Post # 7
peonyinlove: +1 Excellent advice!
Post # 8
Okay, so there’s stuff and there’s STUFF.
For stuff, take a deep breath. All problems–a dirty house, a naughty dog, booked hotel rooms–can be solved, but they will look unsurmountable if you’re trying to do them all at once or assuming the responsibility by yourself. One thing at a time and figure out what you can tackle and what you can’t. Then get the help you need.
For STUFF-stuff, there are two things that seem to be the case with your post. The first is that you seem to have a lot of pent-up frustration with your FI and it also seems to stem from perhaps a fear that he is not as involved in setting up your wedding AND your marriage as you are (not pitching in with the house, failing to find a hotel room, perhaps not being a good sounding board for your stress). If this is true, then you need to talk to him first–but rationally and calmly. Discuss how you feel emotionally, and ask for help, both with alleviating your stress and with the actual jobs themselves.
The second, is also that wedding planning tends to make everyone into frazzled control freaks with unrealistic expectations of perfection…Are you feeling overwhelmed in part because you’re comparing things in your life with an idealization? For example, yes, most couples do spend the night away to celebrate privately, but if you can’t, is there really a huge loss to having your amazing weekend…the week after (and FWIW, a lot of couples I know were so exhausted after their weddings, their fancy hotel rooms were basically glorified crash pads)? I understand you want a clean house, but just check in with yourself and make sure that you’re not confusing “clean house” with “decor magazine-worthy” and making yourself crazy. Weddings are great Pinterest fodder, but Pinterest is a great way to feel disappointed for no reason, if you get my drift.
Post # 9
Yeah…you are SO justified for being upset! Honestly, if I were in your position…well, let’s just say you sound like a saintly angel compared to how I would react to those things. 😉
Peonyinlove has GREAT tips. Please reach out to people to help. And this is your wedding – tell your FI how important these things are to you. Don’t let him do anything else until you talk to him, make it THAT important.
Post # 10
((hugs)) What you’re going through really really really sucks! I feel your pain! When I had exactly 2 weeks left till the wedding I had a major breakdown and called my MOH bawling my eyes out and seriously considered canceling my wedding and just elope the way I wanted in the beginning.
At the end of the day, no matter if everything fell apart you’ll still be married to your man. What really helped me is to know that I gave this wedding 110%, so even if everything goes to sh*t when I look back I won’t have any regrets or wonder if I made a mistake by eloping and missing out on my family and friends being there.
The whole messy house situation totally sucks and is unbelievably stressful mentally and emotionally. It’s funny how similar our situations are because we so close to our wedding but our house looks like a disaster zone since our basement started to flood badly this year (of all years!) and we’ve had to move everything out of there and it’s currently stacked all over our house. And because of this wedding, all our funds are tied up so we have to live like this until after the wedding is over. But the worst part to me is the fact that we cannot have any of our out of town friends or family stay or come over to visit our home during the wedding. 🙁
Cheer up dear bee! You have less then 2 weeks left to go. You’re SO close to the finish line, don’t give up! You’re so not alone in this. ((hugs))