Post # 1
Hi, Bees. One of my guests is upset at me for trying to invite his guest. Yes, you read it right. Here is what happened.
I plan a small wedding with up to 75 guests. My principle is a guest’s guest is limited to a spouse and a serious girlfriend/boyfriend. When we extend inviation to the guest’s guest, we emailed the primary guest in advance and asked for his/her date/ spouse’s name and wrote the two names on the invite. I did not want to say “John Smith and his guest” and everyone provided me with their date/spouse’s name.
This friend of mine is not married nor have a long term girlfriend. Neverthless, I invited him to bring a guest, because he has to drive one hour to the venue and he may not know many people at the wedding. Allowing him to bring a guest, I asked him to give me the name of his guest so that I can write down his/her name on the invite. He said that he’s never been to a wedding where he has to provide his guest’s name. He says that his saying, “I will bring a guest” should be sufficient to the bride and that I should not interfere with my guests’ privacy. I tried to explain to him why I need more than a head count. We have sit down dinner, and because I provide a seating chart to the cater, indicating who is sitting where and eating what, I need to know everyone’s name.
Trying to tell him that I am not being rude to him, I sent him a link from the knot where the wedding expert advices brides not to say “John Smith and Guest.” The wedding expert also says that given the high cost of the wedding, there is no strict rule about plus one and whether or not to extend the invite to a guest’s guest is up to the couple. My friend read this and told me, “so you determine who’s allowed to bring a guest, depending on the couple’s intimacy? You are saying that a guest’s spouse is allowed to come, but not a guest’s girlfriend? How do you evaluate the level of their intimacy, without being JUDGMENTAL?”
So, please tell me about your experience. When you invite a guest’s guest, do you say “John Smith and Guest” or do you say “John Smith and Margaret Brown”? Am I really being rude in asking “what’s the name of your guest?”
Post # 3
Ummm… this guest of yours seems way too sensitive about this! I don’t know, maybe he’s particularly sensitive about being single? I don’t think that you did anything wrong!
Post # 4
Sounds like what you did wrong was invite this person to begin with!
Post # 5
I’m going to try to put this delicately but precisely. Your friend sounds like a paranoid, contrarian douchenozzle. His behavior confuses me greatly.
Post # 6
OP, you are entirely correct that it is polite to find out the names of all your guests, including escorts and guests of friends/relatives. We’ve left a little flexibility if someone hems and haws on that (putting “Name + guest” on the bellyband if someone is not yet sure), but you did absolutely nothing wrong.
@Beluga: +1 to douchenozzle.
Post # 7
Yeah this kid is q DB. What dude gets so riled up about wedding etiquette?? Every guy I know would give a name and move on with his life. I would just tell him his only options are to give you a name, come alone, or stay home. Period.
Post # 8
i concur with everyone. the guy seems ticked off about something else wrong with his life. lol. nothing wrong with you knowing the name. i asked the single guys coming to my wedding for their guests names and asked them to spell it out so i can get it right on the escort cards. i did not get one peep of complaint from any of them.
Post # 9
In genaral I dont think that knowing the guests name for the place cards etc is rude. That being said I think you should let this one go. For some reason he is very sensitive about who he is bringing. Just put guest on his/hers I think thats really the only way to avoid further drama.
Post # 10
I agree with the posters above, dude sounds like a whackadoo. If he’s getting so worked up, he and ‘guest’ can sit at home and have frozen dinners…I would not invite this cranky guy.
Post # 11
You did nothing wrong. This guy clearly has some issues beyond this situation so maybe it’s just best to let it go.
Post # 12
Maybe he does not yet know who he is bringing. Though I don’t know why he wouldn’t just say that instead of giving you a hard time. Your wanting to make a seating chart with the person’s name instead of “guest” is perfectly fine.
Post # 13
When he said, you should not have interfered in his guest’s privacy, I would’ve dropped it there instead of getting into wedding etiquette with a guy. Although, he does seem to be overreacting, just leave it as guest and move on. It does not seem to be worth fighting over.
Post # 14
@Beluga: I’m definitely adding this to my vocabulary. Like right now.
I agree. He is the one being rude to you. I don’t understand why people keep saying to just deal with it an move on. This is why etiquette is getting so bad, because nobody calls out the people who are doing wrong. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to know exactly who you are inviting- you are the one paying for the seat of the person, the food of the person, etc. I would send him the invitation with just his name on it and tell him that you won’t go into his privacy of a +1 because he doesn’t get one. That’s just my opinion.
Post # 15
if he doesnt give you his guest’s name, just dont invite him. when he asks where his invite is, you can tell him you are still waiting on the information from him.
Post # 16
Thank you, ladies. I feel much better