Post # 1
Regular bee going anon. I need to vent about something. I realize I may be acting a little silly so am hoping for a resolution or a little sense slapped into me.
My wedding has been very difficult to organize. Fiance and I live in another country than our hometown where we are getting married so that has been very hard to book. We have had some family sickness meaning our originally planned Destination Wedding couldn’t happen. Family attending is more important to us that a romantic beach wedding so we are getting married at home. That is fine.
We have booked early December which people had known about for many months now. Well one of my best friends recently booked her wedding. To be held in late November. Now it’s very close to my wedding, I don’t have a problem with this but I feel like we will be compared as we have lots of the same guests attending. She has a lot of money so her wedding will be quite amazing. I’m cool with this and have kept my apprehension to myself, not wanting to be silly about comparisons. I’m dealing with it, I get one day. It’s fine.
Well last night Fiance talked to one of his best friends who lives in our home town and he announced that he had decided to get married the week before us. Aughh. This guy is a squillionare. He is doing the exact thing we are doing (park ceremony, backyard wedding at a lovely house) but throwing a huge amount of money at it. Again it’s all the same friends, who have just caught up at my best friends wedding then going to FI’s best friends wedding before ours the following week.
I know I only get one day but I feel the weight of comparison crippling me. I’m sad that all our friends will have caught up and spend two massive nights together in the weekends before our wedding. I’m sad as I feel like by the time our wedding comes around they will be understandably pooped out and over it. I know I would be.
We will have to fly in for all of these weddings so we will be broke and tired by the time our wedding comes around.
Should we move our wedding? We booked our date for December 7th so we could go on our honeymoon then be back to spend Christmas with our families for the first time in 4 years. I really don’t want to move it but I hate being the third wedding in as many weeks. I’m sure people will be broke, tired and exhausted. I know I will be.
I should add that this friend is booking his wedding before ours partly to accommodate another friend who will need to fly in from Europe to attend both our wedding and his. He is trying to make it easy for that friend but in the process is not taking our wedding into consideration at all. I wish he would just have his wedding a couple of months after ours but I know I can’t ask him to do that.
What would you do?
Post # 3
You ought to be allowed to enjoy your wedding. There is a ton of prep in the weeks leading up, too. Will you be able to focus on yourself? Your wedding is your occasion to be happy. If all of these circumstances mess with that, and changing the date fixes it, by all means do it.
Post # 4
The best wedding I have ever been to (besides my own of course) was the wedding that spent the least amount of money. A great wedding is all about the atmosphere, and having a great fun. Having great music and a fun group of guests will make your wedding memorable. Guests won’t compare/remember who spent more money on flowers, or who had the most expensive dress. If they see you and your husband having fun, they will too.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@BeeNonymousBee: If you haven’t signed anything, I would move it up by a few months. It might cause the friend with money to move his up to though. Use the weather as an excuse since December is not usually a great time of year for an outdoor ceremony (unless it’s in Florida when December is one of the few “cool” months.)
Post # 6
@BeeNonymousBee: I wouldn’t be worried about the comparisons. People know everyone’s situations, more or less, and honestly, regardless of the cost of the wedding I always like them. BUT… 3 weddings in 3 weeks? Yeah. I’d be so sick of it by the time the third rolled around. 🙁 That really sucks for you. Meanwhile, you won’t have time to focus on your wedding, nevermind all your money will be sucked and you won’t be able to cover any emergencies that come up.
Maybe talk to your super rich friend. Tell him you know he wants his wedding close to yours to accomodate the friend living abroad, but now for financial and timing issues, you’re thinking of moving your wedding date and wanted him to know. Don’t mention the comparisons, but maybe do say you’ll feel burnt out before your wedding and are worried others will, too. Do it just as a courtesy since you know he planned his based on your date. Maybe he’ll be willing to move his to the next weekend, but you can’t really ask him outright.
Post # 7
@winstonchurchill: I had thought about that. The fact I have to fly in for both weddings means I wont have the weeks prior to my wedding to get myself organized. It will just be added stress.
Post # 8
I would move it, not because of the comparisons, but because you’ll be too busy attending weddings to work on last-minute stuff for your own. You could move yours to be just before theirs. 🙂
Post # 9
onHonestly, I’m not sure off the issue! One of my friends has booked her wedding a few weeks before ours and we have booked ours the week before another friends. in my opinion money is ( to an extent) irrelivant! People are coming to celebrate you marry and promise a life together, if you want to cancel it because someone with more money is also getting married – then you are putting way too much on the wedding! There will always be a more expensive wedding, inccidently the best wedding I’ve been too was held in her parents house ( that’s rare in the UK) and why was it the best? Because it was my best friend and everything was made by friends, cake, dress, music ( they are musicians) it poured and we were outside, there were dogs running around and only 1 toilet… Its was an amazing day, because everyone that loved them were there, I’ve also been to a millionaire wedding- nothing special at all! Money doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t compare your wedding to anyone elses, and the people that do, well then they shouldn’t be there
i hope this doesn’t read harsh and of course when my friend booked her wedding day a few weeks before mine, i was worried that it would be better than mine, but it wont! It will ne great and their best day and mine will be my best day and the whole point of a wedding will have been achieved – i will be married to the man i love! Do i dare suggest that you might not be ready to be married if you are considering calling it off for such a reason?
Post # 10
@geekspice: I wish I could do this. Unfortunatley my wedding is outdoors in Australia. November is the turn of season so chances are it will be too cold.
I know there isn’t any way to get him to move his wedding but I feel so put out that I have to move mine because of him. I think we will just have to tell him that for financial reasons we are moving out wedding away from his so we can spread out the financial cost. Hopefully he will get the hint.
I do know that I will be stressed in the lead up and want to avoid having a million committments just before our wedding.
Post # 11
@lmc100: Umm did you read the whole post? I’m mostly worried about my guests and myself being exhaused after attending 3 weddings in 3 weeks. I never said I wanted to cancel my whole wedding, I just wanted suggestions as to the best options moving forward.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
@Bostongrl25: +1. One of my DH’s best friends got engaged after us, and they set a date very close to ours. They had a $60,000 budget (!!!). We have tons of friends in common. I was so worried everyone would compare their wedding to ours – I knew it would be a WHOLE lot fancier, and that friend even bragged about the expensive open bar and gourmet 5-course meal for months before their wedding. But in the end, our low-key, much lower budget wedding was super fun, and a lot of guests told us it was the most fun wedding they had ever been to. We didn’t have fancy food (in fact to be honest, the dinner served at our reception wasn’t all that good). Our bar ran out of liquor pretty quickly. Things went wrong. But people still had a great time, in the way that chair covers and fancy centerpieces and expensive DJs and favors and photobooths can’t provide.
Post # 13
I wish I could go back and delete the part about worring about comparisons. That is one part of the problem. The part I am most worried about is everyone being over it by the time our wedding rolls around. Our friends are all pretty big party animals so the other weddings will be all night affairs. I guess I’m just worried that people will be really tired and not in the mood after two big weekends previously. I know I will be over it myself.
I guess I have answered my own question, I will probably move our wedding to Feb or March 2014 so people have a break inbetween.
Post # 14
@BeeNonymousBee: i must admit, i didn’t read it all ( reading on iphone on bus) i did try and amend my response but couldn’t
i see your dilemma, as someone with 6 wedding in 2 months i actually think it’ll be fine! I wouldn’t worry about guests getting tired, but then i love weddings, the most i have to travel is an hour and a half to the weddings, which isn’t too bad!
Post # 15
OP, if I were you I would try to move it (if it really is a lot of the same crowd coming) to another date if it won’t be too expensive. worries of wedding fatigue would totally stress me out too!
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Just try to make your wedding the best it can be. People remember how much fun they had, not how expensive the flowers are or how nice the table linens are. If you compare yourself to everyone all the time, you will ultimately be disappointed, so don’t think about it.