(Closed) VENT: When friends marry douchebags (long)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@UpstateCait: that’s a funny post since he won’t even help or touch the baby.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. She knows he sucks, my guess is she has always known it, but settled and with a baby now she probably feels that she can’t break up the family for the baby. If you say anything she’ll just get mad at you even though she may agree. I hate these situations. You’ll just have to be there for her, let her know that she’s not alone and she always has a place to stay with you. Hopefully one day she’ll actaully leave him.

You’re right, he’s a douche.

Post # 4
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i know that sux to see your friends getting less than they deserve. i feel like i see it all the time, to the point i feel guilty for having such a great husband!  however, i have recently learned that all this agony and stressing over my friends’ unhappiness is only bringing me down.  your friend set her life up the way it is. she chose to marry this guy and there is really nothing you can do except be there as the good friend you are if she ever needs it when he becomes more of a douche.  

Post # 5
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Isn’t it so hard to see your friend stay in a relationship like that? I have two friends who are in similar relationships with total jerks, except there aren’t children involved. One is leaving him today – so happy for her! The other…well, I hope she does, she thinks about it sometimes but is still holding onto their love even though their relationship is not loving at all.

It’s good that she has you as a supportive friend. If you want to bring up the FB post, maybe you could mention it in passing and gauge her reaction. Perhaps they had a fight which prompted his post and she might be willing to talk about it.

Hopefully, at some point in the near future, she will leave him and live a very happy life with her son and leave that jacka** in the dust!

Post # 6
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You can’t really do or say anything. Just be supportive of your friend, maybe offer to watch her kiddo for an hour or two one day so she can have a break. When I was a new Mom in a horrid relationship my BFF did this every so often and let me tell you: it was awesome. Not sure how often her H is home, but sometimes she’d come over and help me with laundry or heck just watch my son so I could take a long shower. Focus on helping her rather than bashing him because there is no doubt she is aware of his short comings… talking about it will only shame or embarass her. 

Post # 7
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

That is really sad. Like, worst nightmare sad.

Post # 8
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That is really sad.  I was in a relationship that was similar (except without the child – I knew that I couldn’t have children with him because of the way he is).  Tell her your feelings once and at the end, make sure to tell her that you support her no matter what – even if she stays with him forever.  However, it is hard for you to see her so obviously unhappy.  Tell her that when she is ready to leave (i.e. fed up with his crap), and realizes that she deserves so much more, you will be here to help her with the transition.  That’s all you can do.  I hope your friend finds her strength!

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

That really sucks, and I know how you feel.  I’ve seen so many friends and relatives in unhealthy relationships.  The worst part is that there is nothing you can do.  Your friend has to be the one to wake up and come to her senses.  I know a lot of people who just hold on to these “relationships” because they feel really invested and have this unending hope that a change will occur.  It makes me sad 🙁

Post # 11
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have a friend who married the biggest jerk ever (although it sounds like he has some competition – your poor friend).  I had just about had enough of watching her let him treat her like dirt when she did too.  She left him and has since reverted to being my fun, outgoing, loud friend.  So there’s hope.  Just let her know that she has choices and be there for her.

Post # 12
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA

@UpstateCait:  Sorry to bring up such an old post- but I’m wondering what was the outcome of this situation??

I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my friends wedding last year. They got engaged after she had been cheating on him, after she found out he was lying about hanging out with his baby momma. My friend is totally in love with his son- which seems obvious is the only reason theyre still together. A few months ago, a friend of my other BFF slipped & told her she & my friend’s husband had been texting overly flirtatious things for a few months. When BFF told me this, i got a pit in my stomach. We both approached my friend to tell her what the girl had said, she confronted her husband, he confessed & they decided to work it out. Now theres an issue where some girl posted a pic of her with him & his K9 (hes a sherrif)- and when my friend asked him about it, he flipped saying she was overreacting & stuff. They’re activly TTC and i would hate for her to feel “stuck” with him by having his child (moreso than she already does bc of her stepson). I just dont know what to do- and i’m wondering if your friend left her douchey a-hole husband & if theres hope for my friend!!

Post # 13
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA

BUMP

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