Post # 1
My friends husband is a dick. Before they got engaged she found out that he cheated on her. He begged her to stay with him and she did. A little while later they picked out a ring and were engaged. Ok, fine. It’s what she wanted and she seemed happy enough so who am I to tell her what to do. They got married a few years ago and things seemed good for a while. I was never the biggest fan of him after knowing about his past but I kept my opinion to myself for the most part. Prior to them dating, his relationships consisted of one night stands. From what I gather, my friend was one of them but she apparently made him breakfast the next morning and he told her she could stay (I heard this from another friend so I don’t know how true it is, though it sounds like something he’d do). He’s the definition of class. *insert eye roll*
Fast forward a few years and they finally have a viable pregnancy (she had 2 heartbreaking miscarriages the previous year). Her mom hosted a lovely baby shower at a local restaurant and invited both of their families as well as some close friends and co-workers. Her husband showed up to the shower looking like he hadn’t bathed in days and was completely filthy. It’s not hard to take a shower and throw on a clean shirt to come to your wifes baby shower. I could tell my friend was embarrassed but there really wasn’t anything she could do about it.
A few months later their beautiful son was born and my friend was/is absolutely in love. Her husband was all about the baby at first but now she has to pull teeth for him to even play with their son. They both work full time yet she is solely responsible for ALL of the cooking, cleaning & baby needs. I’m not even sure if her husband knows how to change a diaper. When she went back to work she was worried about how she was going to swing it with having to get up with the baby multiple times a night. She said that her husband would have to help her but I don’t think he’s lifted a finger. I know things are tough for them and she’s said that they hardly even talk to each other anymore when they’re both home.
The real cherry on the fucking sundae was his FB post this morning. The asshole posted a picture of their son with the caption “The only person I love”. My friend is obviously friends with him on FB, as are a number of her family members and mutual friends. She does EVERYTHING for him and this is the way he treats her. I’m so pissed. I won’t see her until tomorrow but I’m definitely interested to see what she thinks about his post though I’m hoping she brings it up because I don’t plan to. I would be heartbroken and humiliated if my husband posted that on his FB for all of our friends and family to see. I can only imagine what her family thought of that.
I know it’s not my place and I really try to stay out of their issues but she is my friend and I love her. She deserves so much more than him but I feel like she thinks she’s stuck, especially now since they have a baby. They live in the house that he owns and he makes most of their money. She’s constantly making excuses for him and it’s upsetting. My friend is gorgeous, intelligent and just about the nicest person you’d ever meet. She could do so much better than him (who honestly isn’t anything to write home about) which is why I don’t understand why she put herself through this. I’m sure she feels far too invested to ever do anything about it now but if he genuinely feels that his son is the “only person he loves”, how can she remain in a relationship like that? As her friend I’m sad for her but mostly pissed that her husband is such a tool. He has a GREAT thing and he’s just shitting on it.
Post # 3
@UpstateCait: that’s a funny post since he won’t even help or touch the baby.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. She knows he sucks, my guess is she has always known it, but settled and with a baby now she probably feels that she can’t break up the family for the baby. If you say anything she’ll just get mad at you even though she may agree. I hate these situations. You’ll just have to be there for her, let her know that she’s not alone and she always has a place to stay with you. Hopefully one day she’ll actaully leave him.
You’re right, he’s a douche.
Post # 4
i know that sux to see your friends getting less than they deserve. i feel like i see it all the time, to the point i feel guilty for having such a great husband! however, i have recently learned that all this agony and stressing over my friends’ unhappiness is only bringing me down. your friend set her life up the way it is. she chose to marry this guy and there is really nothing you can do except be there as the good friend you are if she ever needs it when he becomes more of a douche.
Post # 5
Isn’t it so hard to see your friend stay in a relationship like that? I have two friends who are in similar relationships with total jerks, except there aren’t children involved. One is leaving him today – so happy for her! The other…well, I hope she does, she thinks about it sometimes but is still holding onto their love even though their relationship is not loving at all.
It’s good that she has you as a supportive friend. If you want to bring up the FB post, maybe you could mention it in passing and gauge her reaction. Perhaps they had a fight which prompted his post and she might be willing to talk about it.
Hopefully, at some point in the near future, she will leave him and live a very happy life with her son and leave that jacka** in the dust!
Post # 6
You can’t really do or say anything. Just be supportive of your friend, maybe offer to watch her kiddo for an hour or two one day so she can have a break. When I was a new Mom in a horrid relationship my BFF did this every so often and let me tell you: it was awesome. Not sure how often her H is home, but sometimes she’d come over and help me with laundry or heck just watch my son so I could take a long shower. Focus on helping her rather than bashing him because there is no doubt she is aware of his short comings… talking about it will only shame or embarass her.
Post # 7
That is really sad. Like, worst nightmare sad.
Post # 8
That is really sad. I was in a relationship that was similar (except without the child – I knew that I couldn’t have children with him because of the way he is). Tell her your feelings once and at the end, make sure to tell her that you support her no matter what – even if she stays with him forever. However, it is hard for you to see her so obviously unhappy. Tell her that when she is ready to leave (i.e. fed up with his crap), and realizes that she deserves so much more, you will be here to help her with the transition. That’s all you can do. I hope your friend finds her strength!
Post # 9
That really sucks, and I know how you feel. I’ve seen so many friends and relatives in unhealthy relationships. The worst part is that there is nothing you can do. Your friend has to be the one to wake up and come to her senses. I know a lot of people who just hold on to these “relationships” because they feel really invested and have this unending hope that a change will occur. It makes me sad 🙁
Post # 10
Thanks ladies. I don’t plan on bringing up the FB update but I’ll certainly discuss it with her if she mentions it. I don’t want to be the one to point out that all 634 of his FB friends now know that he doesn’t love her. I’m sure she’s well aware of the update and I don’t want to rub any salt in the wound. What pisses me off even more is that like 10 people “liked” his comment. Who in the hell would like a comment like that?! I’m hoping that they just liked it because he posted a picture of their son. Regardless though, I’m sure the “likes” will make her feel even shittier.
I always try to be supportive of her and tell her that “it will pass” but I don’t know if it will. She loves her son more than life itself and I think she’s worried about the future. Up until this FB update I really didn’t think that things were that bad between them but I guess they are. I know that kids change things but I don’t think that anyone should be forced to remain in a relationship where they’re unhappy, regardless of how many children are involved.
I’m going to talk to her tomorrow and try to gauge how she’s feeling. Maybe they just had a fight or something but given his track record, I kind of expect the worst.
Post # 11
I have a friend who married the biggest jerk ever (although it sounds like he has some competition – your poor friend). I had just about had enough of watching her let him treat her like dirt when she did too. She left him and has since reverted to being my fun, outgoing, loud friend. So there’s hope. Just let her know that she has choices and be there for her.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
@UpstateCait: Sorry to bring up such an old post- but I’m wondering what was the outcome of this situation??
I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my friends wedding last year. They got engaged after she had been cheating on him, after she found out he was lying about hanging out with his baby momma. My friend is totally in love with his son- which seems obvious is the only reason theyre still together. A few months ago, a friend of my other BFF slipped & told her she & my friend’s husband had been texting overly flirtatious things for a few months. When BFF told me this, i got a pit in my stomach. We both approached my friend to tell her what the girl had said, she confronted her husband, he confessed & they decided to work it out. Now theres an issue where some girl posted a pic of her with him & his K9 (hes a sherrif)- and when my friend asked him about it, he flipped saying she was overreacting & stuff. They’re activly TTC and i would hate for her to feel “stuck” with him by having his child (moreso than she already does bc of her stepson). I just dont know what to do- and i’m wondering if your friend left her douchey a-hole husband & if theres hope for my friend!!