- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
So, I posted half a year ago about whether or not I should leave my graduate school program for a job. At the time I decided to stay, but this fall I came to the conclusion I should leave after all. I finally gave my notice two weeks ago! I just moved my stuff out of my office and gave back my keys. I feel so good about my decision, I even left without a job (which was super scary) because I realized this wasn’t working.
I interviewed for a position I really wanted, and was offered the job on Friday! I am really excited, but still waiting on paperwork and negotiating my offer, so it almost doesn’t feel real.
This job was really competitive. They don’t open up often, and I interviewed against a number of people that I know (though not close friends). My industry is very small and tight knit. Last night, Darling Husband told me he was worried that he was going to get grief from people that I was hired. He showed me an email someone was sending around about the type of person who should be hired, and I don’t fit their description. I felt like he was implying that I wasn’t qualified for the job, or didn’t deserve it. And he was totally focused on how this would affect him having to talk to these people on his board. He even sort of seemed to imply that people would accuse him of serving on the board for our own economic advantage (really, for four years?), or that his position is what actually got me hired. Even more annoying is that I am friends with these people, and they know I applied and didn’t seem very supportive when I told them.
1) These are not the people who get to hire, or determine who should get hired–so not their choice! Their job description is not THE job description. They also have a certain candidate in mind, who has caused all kinds of work drama and been a real problem, but they love him.
2) These people work in one part of the industry, and don’t seem to understand the other aspects of the industry (while I have worked in and have experience across all of it)
3) I am totally, totally f*ing qualified, and was told I was the hands down top choice, with both of the two bosses arguing for me, and worried if they didn’t move fast enough that I would be poached by another office. Several people asked if I was applying, since they assumed I would be a good fit.
4) While Darling Husband is well known, so am I. My experience is across two areas of our industry and he tends to forget about or even discount what I do in my area (which he is not part of), since he just sees that I am less active than him in his area. I am the one who was offered the job, not him, and I was offered it on my own strengths.
I know I should feel good about this job, but Darling Husband getting me all worked up and worried about how people will react is really pissing me off, and stressing me out. I feel like he either doesn’t believe I am qualified (he says I am overly sensitive about this), or is so absurdly worried about how this will “look” and reflect on him. It’s like everything revolves around him. I am also annoyed that people I think of as friends will likely react negatively when they find out, and I interact with them frequently at industry events and on the board we all serve on.
I think Darling Husband knows he hurt my feelings, because he did congratulate me again yesterday after we fought. But that just made me more annoyed, and then he got defensive that he should be allowed to express his feelings and concerns.
I guess I just need to vent about this. I argued with Darling Husband about it enough, and I don’t want to talk to him about it anymore.