(Closed) Vent: Where has the etiquette gone?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe it got lost in the mail or they had the wrong address? Or, since they sent the invite to your parents’ house they may have just assumed that thank you also covered all 3 people. Unfortunate, yes – they should have learned your address and sent a separate invitation and thank you.

Post # 4
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe they felt since the invitation included your name, one thank you note would suffice?

Did the thank you/Christmas card include your name?

 

I do think it’s in poor taste though. If you don’t live with your parents you should have recieved your own invitation and thank you note.

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@T-Rex:  Dude, that sucks!  I would be upset as well.

Perhaps they were thinking that the thank you card (much like the invitation) covered you as well?  

The only caveat that I would add is this: did you buy their wedding gift online?  If you did, it’s possible that they don’t know that YOU got them that particular present.  I had a bit of a “oh shit” moment when I realised that we hadn’t recieved the notice card about a platter that a friend had purchased for us…and so he got his thank you card about 3 weeks after everyone else (and I apologized… a lot) – we knew we got the platter, but had not received it yet from the store and didn’t know who bought it for us.

 

Post # 7
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

We had a gift that the card got separated from and we weren’t able to figure out who gave it to us initially (eventually we got it sorted out, but it was sort of by chance, there is a strong possibility we never would have known).

If they sent thank you notes at all (and the thank you is for the gift, not for attending) then they likely didn’t INTENTIONALLY leave you out.

There are all sorts of reasons that a well intending couple would miss a thank you or two. It will be better for your state of mind if you assume it was unintentional, I promise.

Also, I agree that it was rude to not try to find out your address, we had a cousin in college who we couldn’t find her address out so wesent it to her parents’. It’s possible the couple tried but was unsuccessful at getting your address.

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, I think it’s not strictly the proper thing to do, but even though you could see the item in the picture, I’d “confirm” they received it.  I had a friend not receive a check I sent her once.  You could mail a note to them about it and that way they have your address. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

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Post # 11
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would be upset too- you can’t be selective about thanking people, it’s all or nothing- and should definitely not be nothing! We have our best man who lives in FL and is always moving around- so we literally don’t have an address for him- however we spoke with him and he told us to just mail things to his parents for him to pick up. Same with my MOH/sister- she is in Ecuador right now with no mailing address- so I include her on my mom’s stuff- and when she’s home I hand her her own thing- save the date, invitation, etc. I think it’s one thing if they had spoken to you and you had asked them to mail things to your parents- but I absolutely understand being insulted- especially since I’ve lived on my own for 10 years, I’m 28 and putting myself through school, and people still patronize me and assume that mommy and daddy are paying for things. Soooo frustrating!

Post # 12
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

ugh i get annoyed at this stuff too.  My parents just got my invitation to a cousin’s wedding, sent to their house, and addressed to me + guest (on the outside envelope no less) when this cousin knows very well I have a fiance I live with (in a different city!) and am marrying just one month after their wedding.  Same cousin mispelled my name on the save-the-date, after receiving mine.

Post # 13
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsNerdy:  Oh I SO hate that! They misspell my name ALL THE TIME! And my cousin mailed me the invitation to their wedding with just my name on the outer envelope, knowing I live with my fiance and our wedding is one week after theirs. I think they just didn’t think of it- because when they got engaged they were kind enough to check with us on wedding dates so ours wouldn’t collide and we could attend each other’s weddings. So I RSVP’d for my fiance and I. I wouldn’t go without him anyway, you know? 

Post # 14
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ve been to a shower AND wedding, gave gifts for both occasions, and not gotten a thank you for either. It. Drives. Me. Crazy. I honestly will never think of them the same way after that.

Post # 15
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

They probably figured that since they sent one invite, they would send one thank-you card.

Yeah, it’s annoying. : / You’d think they’d know better.

Post # 16
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

While it is a little rude to thank some and not others in principle, I don’t think that was what she was trying to do. Even though you are an adult, the bride thinks of your family as one household because you are all immediate family to one another (parents/child) and therefore sent everything to that FAMILY, not necessarily to every different house.

Be honest, if someone didn’t spend time on wedding boards for fun or was never super involved in other people’s weddings, how would they know proper “etiquette” or even that there were such rules to look up?

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